I'm busy chopping up garlic for dinner when he walks into the kitchen. I feel him there. His presence. It's familiar to me. His body - in our home - for so many of his days. He starts attending public school tomorrow for the first time. He's quiet. He's been excited about this new adventure, but in this moment, I can tell he's more introspective than usual.
Then it comes.
"Mom, do you have any advice for me - you know - for tomorrow."
My soul smiles wide. Strange how one question can bring an anxious mother's heart deep peace. There are seeds of wisdom in his young heart, and what more could a mother hope for her son?
I pause and think of all the million things I want to say. The words I want to use to wrap him up tight and protect him. I think of my school years, realizing times surely must be worse - I shudder. I can't imagine school being worse than it was when I walked through junior high halls.
There is so much I want to say, but all that comes out is this...
"Look for those who are low, child - and lift them up. Notice the ones who - for whatever reason - and there are many - your classmates have declared "less than" or "unworthy" and speak worth into their lives. Look for the suffering and offer them safety and relief.
And before you say anything terribly clever and sarcastic to your new friend about one of your teachers, make darn sure that friend isn't related to that teacher."
Then I went on to tell him about how I had made that mistake my first week at a new school. He always gets a kick out of hearing the many ways I failed big when I was his age. Good thing I have a never-ending bag of examples to pull out and share with him.
Before leaving the house this morning, I hugged him hard, reminded him how incredibly valuable he is, how proud we are of him, and then told him he's grounded if he doesn't come home today and fully satisfy my need for information. "I want details. Tons of them. Tons and tons. Like every last one of them."
He walked away, schedule in his hand, brave and confident as ever.
9 comments:
What amazing advice. You rock, Mama.
Heather, I keep coming back to your blog, b/c I love how you and your family embrace change. I think it’s pretty rare.
Good luck eldest Hendrick boy!
Can I ask, what was the biggest factor in deciding to send Anson to public school? I'm an avid homeschool advocate and I always find it intriguing to see why others eventually choose to branch out?
btw, I see nothing wrong with your decision, simply curious.
That's a great question. I would have wondered the same thing.
There are several reasons. The biggest being I'm going back to school for two years and don't feel like I can homeschool all of our kids WELL during that time. The key here is "well" - and I know everyone has different definitions of that word and values education differently. I won't go into all the details, but under our current definition of "well" and the level of value we personally feel led to give education in our home, we felt sending him to a school where he's enrolled in an advanced math/science program was the best choice for the next two years.
But there are other things I'm really excited for him to learn in a more traditional school setting over the next couple years while I'm in nursing school. I've had a difficult time figuring out how to teach him some skills (mostly pertaining to self-discipline and responsibility) in a homeschool environment.
Also - while I don't place as much value on social interaction as our culture does, I will say I'm genuinely happy that Anson will have more of that over the next couple years. I believe deeply in homeschooling, but I also believe friends - and learning well how to navigate friendships - are important. Overall, attempting to homeschool without built-in natural community for our kids is difficult and has been (for lack of a better word) sad to see Anson long for friends.
I'm sure I could have worked harder to provide more consistent interaction with friends, but the truth is - that's been a struggle. Aaron and I started having children earlier than most of our peers. For the rest of our kids (ages 10 and under) they have an overwhelming amount of friends and social interaction available to them because we hang out with families who have kids their age (and siblings the ages of each of our younger kids).
Plain and simple - providing and arranging "hang-outs" for our oldest son has always felt like a lot of work and been frustrating/stressful (instead of more natural like it has for the rest of our kids).
The last reason -
I'm exhausted. We have a had a rough year, are parenting a child whose behavior adds a lot of stress in our house, and Aaron's job is the most traditional (in terms of hours) than it's ever been in our history of homeschooling. Plain and simple - we are all eager for a change for at least the next couple years.
We've never said we're done with homeschooling him - but for the next two years - we're at peace with this decision. After I'm done with nursing school, we're reevaluate.
Thanks for asking. Sorry for the novel.
Heather
Praying for your sweet boy. He's gonna do great.
Love your advice. Love that he asked for it. Praying he finds the friends that he craves and has a fantastic experience.
FAVORITE!
That was great advice!!
Praying for all of y'all.
Anson is in his grandma's heart and prayers right this minute.
Long time reader, first time commenter.
This made me tear up. I love and miss y'all like the dickens.
Anson: I have confidence that you can change the world, and a lot of that will start here in school. My advice? (I know you wanted it) There's no such thing as "cool".
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