Wednesday, July 25, 2012

July 24::Tell An Old Joke Day

I'll never forget it.  Third grade.  Show and Tell day.  I would remember it was Show and Tell Day the exact moment the teacher would declare, "Everyone get out what you brought to Show and Tell."  Since I was obviously born with the inability to get it together, I used my lack of forethought to really hone my joke telling skills.  While other people were showing off their turtles and yarn collections, I was wowing boring the class with the jokes I remembered reading on Laffy Taffy wrappers.  One day  I decided to mix it up and recite a joke that was not sponsored by bite sized candies with enough torque to pull your teeth right out of their sockets. 

I had recently overheard my mom telling a joke to some friends.  She got a great response so I thought I'd try it.  At the young age of 8 I already lived for a laugh.  I stood in front of the class.  Confident.  I'm sure my teacher was expecting another "What do you call a cow with no legs" joke but instead I went with this one:

Q.  What did the elephant say to the naked man?  
A.  How do you breathe through that thing?

Shuzam.  I was waiting for everyone to slap their knees in uncontrollable laughter.  I was sure the class would just get it over with and officially declare me class clown and most likely to have her own television show.  Surely after a joke like this the teacher would cancel Show and Tell altogether and give me my own segment every week.

Instead - I'll never forget my teacher's face.  She was stunned.  She sent me in the hall.

I got a firm talking to.  My teacher asked me where I heard the joke.  Oblivious, I chirped back - "My mom."  Talk about throwing someone under the bus.  Oh my head. As a mother, I feel so horrible for my mom.  Can you imagine?  I guess when we decide to have kids we also decide there will be no end to how mortified and embarrassed we will be while raising them.   I just knew the joke I told in front of the class made a room full of ladies laugh. The material was audience tested.  So why not run with it?   

I've learned from this experience and draw from it when I threaten my kids about telling new jokes in front of new people.  I've also been known to say, "We just met these people we're hanging out with today. I swear - if I even hear ONE Yo Momma joke..." 

July 24 is Tell an Old Joke Day.  I'm not even kidding.  Who makes this stuff up?  I wrote up some of our favorite old jokes for another site we run, so I thought I'd share them here.  Are your kids always telling jokes?  Our kids are totally into them.  When our boys check out a joke book from the library I’ll admit – I sigh.  They follow me around the house for a week saying, “Mom, mom.  Listen to this one. It’s hilarious.”  Now repeat that scenario 1,422 times and you’ll understand why I try to distract our boys from the joke book aisle at the library.  As much as the corny jokes can be annoying, I’ve found jokes are a really natural teaching tool.  In order to understand a joke about a mushroom being a “fun guy” kids have to know that a mushroom is a fungi.  I usually have to define a new vocabulary word for the kids to get the punch line.  Understanding a play on words takes some higher level thinking.  I’m always surprised how much “teaching” a child will allow me to do when a joke books is in their hands.  It’s like secret school.  I feel like an educational ninja.

1.  Why was the broom late?  He over swept.
2.  What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
3.  What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
4.  What do you call a cow that just had a baby? De-calf-inated
5.  Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?  He didn’t have the guts.
6.  Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because: 7 8 9
7.  Where do pencils go for vacation? Pencil-vania
8.  A boy was having a birthday party. A mushroom walks in, and the little boy says, “That mushroom can’t come to my birthday party!”-The mushroom said, “Why not? I’m a fun guy
9.  How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer!
10.  Why do cows wear bells?  Because their horns don’t work.
11.  Knock, knock.  Who’s there?  Nobody.  Nobody who?  (don’t say anything).
12.  Knock, knock.  Who’s there?  Smell Mop.  Smell Mop Who? (har, har)
13.  What do you call a bear with no teeth?  A gummy bear.
14.  What did Batman and Robin become after they were run over by a steamroller?  Flatman and Ribbon
15.  What do you get when you cross a centipede and a parrot?  A walkie talkie.

Got any jokes your kids are lovin' these days?  Will you share them?


Susan, wife of 1, mother of 4 said...

Those are GREAT! Here is one of our favorites:

Knock, knock; who's there?; banana; banana who? (repeat) Knock knock; who's there; banana; banana who; (repeat for the 3rd time). When you get to who's there, say, "orange". Orange who? Orange you glad to get rid of all those bananas?

Andrew actually got selected to be on the local news telling that joke!

Our kids love flatman and ribbon. They are still laughing! Have a great day!

Anonymous said...

My 3 year old niece has started telling "jokes". Not gonna lie- it's torture. Her current favorite:
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana who?
Aren't you going to let me in?

She laughs every.single.time. I was able to fake-laugh the first 37 times. I can't do it anymore. I just stare at her. If I had a cartoon thought bubble above my head it would read "What? That's not funny. Not even a little bit. Please go away." :)

Carrie said...

I just brought my computer to the breakfast table, made my kids (and husband) to solemnly swear not to repeat the joke, and read them this post. And now that I'm on the mom side of things, I can totally commiserate with her embarrassment. Love it!

Afsheen said...

thats something gr8 marvellous
Yo Mama Jokes

meadows said...

Okay. This explains why there were approximately 3 dozen joke books at your house in Haiti.

Wendy said...

Same boat here. Four boys and a gazillion jokes. Our favorite:
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho Cheese
Ba du dump!