Sunday, July 29, 2012

Community Theatre

I just spent the evening at the Preview Party for one of our local community theaters.  The experience tonight reminded me of another unforgettable moment at a different community theatre in town (if you tracked with that sentence, God Bless You).  I'll never be able to erase this moment from my mind.  And now - neither will you (evil, stage laughter).

At Alice In Wonderland...(from April, 2007)

There was this little boy in the play. He was only on stage for a short time when we noticed he started wiggling. We weren't sure what was going on. Was he really wiggling?

Then, his hand went into his pants...but only briefly...long enough to make us wonder. Did that really happen? This is Alice in Wonderland. A rabbit goes down a hole, but did that hand go down those pants?

We were pretty sure it did, which means...that stuff before...yes...that was definitely wiggling.

Was the wiggle part of the act? If so, which part? It happened so fast, all Aaron and I could do was look at each other.

But alas...the riddle was solved when the child kept on wiggling.

He shook his lower body...first slowly...then vigorously.

Is this really what we think it is?

Yes. Yes it is because...

Then his hand went back into his pants...this time...he was all-out aggressive.  Determined.

First his hand went to work in the front, then down the back.

He was a boy on a mission.

He could not be stopped.

We could not stop watching this scene unfold.

Taking our eyes off of him felt like an impossibility. I have no idea what else was going on in the play at the time. No idea whatsoever. The wiggling child had our full attention.  We had to watch him...even though we should know better. What were we thinking? This could only get more and more gross. We have kids.  We know.  Oh Lord, do we know.

We watched the child dig deeper into his blue jeans. Then, not even parents of several boys could have predicted what was going to happen next. As we sat joke...the child finally pulled his hand back out of his pants. We exhaled a sigh of relief.  It was over.  That hand had traveled "around the world" in the little land of denim.  The child was down-right exhausted.

He brought his hand out.

One finger pointed.

He looked at it.

We cringed.

He smelled it.

We gasped. It was so awful. I kept repeating to myself, "Look away. Look away." Why couldn't I stop looking?  I hate myself.


After inspecting and smelling his finger...

He licked it.

I died a little and convulsed.

The people around us moaned.

Aaron said, "Nice."

The rest of the play really didn't matter, because at that point...10 minutes into the play...

We had gotten our money's worth.



Sarah said...

I was laughing so hard at this I had to read it to my husband...cringed and disgusting. so funny!

Christy said...

I was just telling my husband the other day how gross little boys can be. We have 3 and they never cease to amaze me in this area. His mama must has been dying! I wonder if they were video taping their sons big debut??? Lol

Rachel said...

This is the funniest thing I have ever read!!! =)

beth lehman said...

I love that you wrote this!! Aside from the licking this happened in my third grade classroom long ago...