Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Day I Bought a Bag of Poop

One of the perks of an Earth Day event is the bounty you bring home.  Seeds.  Flowers.  Bird feeders.

We spent an afternoon planting all that the boys brought home from the Earth Day event.  These days with hands in dirt and hair blowing in the springtime wind will always be what I think of when I remember this house full of boys.

The boys returned home with these simple, little bird feeders.  They hopped out of the car and began running around the yard looking for the perfect spot for a bird buffet.  Every morning they wake up and head straight to the back yard to eagerly check their feeders.  

They barreled back in the house one morning excited to show me that this particular feeder had been completely devoured.  Boys.  They appreciate a good display of gluttony.  I found how to recreate these cute little feeders here.  We need to make more.  Either these feeders offer the simplest of fun or my kids are way too easy to please.

This is manure.  In the store I thought buying a bag of cow crap was a good idea.  After looking over all the bags of soil, I opted for what seemed like the most organic.  Imagine how good this will be for my plants.  And for the planet.  Just imagine it.  What I failed to imagine was how smelly manure would be.  Mama.

If you've ever wondered if marketing strategies are effective, wonder no more.  I paid for poop.  With real money.  When we got home and opened the bag the smell about knocked us over.  We tried not to breathe, but when we were forced to, we could taste the doo-doo soil in our mouths. How is this possible?

Here's a proven weight loss strategy:  Spend the day with your hands in cow poo.  No matter how many times you wash your hands, it takes 48 hours for the smell to go away.  Consequently this is also how many hours it takes for you to want to eat if eating involves using your smelly hands...which it does.  Nothing curbs an appetite like poop hands.  I came really close to burying my appendages and licking food out of a bowl like a dog.  I actually daydreamed about popping my hands off, leaving them outside, and then coming in to watch some TV feces free.

However you are spending these days, I hope you are having a beautiful, manure-free Spring.


SunSet said...

Oh my lordy. Why didn't you wear gloves????

Ursula said...

Just built raisedbeds and put in 40 bags of poo. Next time imsticking w mushroom compost.

Christina said...

Oh Heather, you make me laugh. And you make me miss those good old days of youth group. I'll have to keep in mind not to buy manure no matter how good of an idea it seems. I'm a marketer's dream, so I am definitely going to learn from your mistake. :)

Sharon Wheeless said...

Someday I hope my blog post titles can be as funny as yours!