Sunday, February 12, 2012

Weekend Wonder

REPOST from February 12, 2007.   That's why we have blogs, right?  To look back and laugh...and loathe the self-righteous, prideful people we were.  Judging by what happened this afternoon, I have a blog so I can look at old pictures of my babies and read all the cute things they said and did and then morph into an inconsolable freak-weirdo for a few hours .


I keep expecting frogs and locusts to swarm us at any moment.

The plague has visited our house this month.

It started three weeks ago with Ashton saying his mouth hurt.

He had strep throat.

Then Anson came down with the flu.

Now Hayden has it.

Did you know the flu lasts about 12 years?

This is why most people get a flu shot, I’m sure.

We didn’t get flu shots because we’ve never had the flu.

We will get two every year from now on.

Good thing we learned this lesson with flu shots instead of fire insurance.

Aaron doesn’t have the flu, but he broke his back and has a fountain of mucus coming out of every hole in his face.

He sneezed in my Laynes box the other day.

I saw the snot hit my chicken finger.

I closed the box and put it away.

If you were lucky and got to hang out in our infirmary this month you'd hear things like...

“Keep your snot to yourself.”

“Blow your nose, hearing you breathe is making me gag.”

“Don’t wipe your snot on your brother.”

“Cover your cough, oh my gosh, cover your cough.”

“Get away. Get away!”

“I’m about to shove the vacuum cleaner attachment up your nose and turn it on.”

I’ve been at home for three weeks.

Today when Hayden woke up with a high fever, I thought I was going to run away and join the soupus.

Instead of doing that, I am thinking I should make a mental list of some things that make life worth living, even when people seem to be dropping like flies around me.

Sure, I have snot all over my shoulders, but what does that matter when there is cream cheese?

The world really is a better place because of this white rectangle.

And who cares that Aaron wasn’t the only person to sneeze on my food. Anson also sneezed right into my lunch. But who gives a flip when that lunch was Strawberry salad.

I still ate it with Anson’s sneeze in it. It’s that good.

Bag spinach
Strawberries cut in slices
Feta Cheese
Brianna’s Home Style Blush Wine Vinaigrette Dressing

Mix and eat.

If you close your eyes, you can pretend all the snot monkeys in your house have magically disappeared and you are sitting at a restaurant with your hair brushed and wearing real pants.

Even though I’m having to hold my kids down to get them to drink liquids…so much so that when they go tee-tee twice a day, the smell makes me practically pass out…I can forget about the funk and be thankful that for an early Valentines Day present, my husband bought me….drum roll…

An infrared high tech laser thermometer.
Nothing says "love" like a laser.
I feel like a spy mother.

No more falling asleep while I take my children’s temperatures in the middle of the night.

No more adding a degree.

No more sticking a freezing cold metal thing under their tiny arm that wants to be left alone.

All I do is rub this thing on their forehead and in a second I know if I have to sit on them to get their medicine down their throat. I love this thing!

I’ve taken the temperature of everything in our house today. My stove. My laundry. My hair.

And who cares if my kids only cough when they can do it right in my face. That’s all meaningless when I remember that I have an electric blanket.

Imagine a picture here, cause I messed up...and no way am I doing this all over again.
My in-laws got me an electric blanket for Christmas. God love ‘em. It’s the best gift ever. The older I get, the colder I get. Before bedtime, I turn my side of the bed on and it heats it up like an inferno. Then I get in and thaw out. I get under my covers and rub my arms and legs all around snow-angel style and chant, “I love this. I love this. I love this.”

Then, Aaron gets in the bed. He isn’t a fan of my electric blanket, even though it has dual controls, so his side never has to be activated. Apparently, the older Aaron gets, the more dramatic he gets. Every night, he gets in bed and within a few minutes says something like this…and he says it very loudly…just like Napoleon Dynamite…

“I hate that thing. It feels like hell’s flames are hitting my legs.”

Then he throws the covers off and complains that my blanket burnt off all his leg hairs or something. This does not phase me. I love my blanket and he can’t make me stop. I wake up drenched with sweat in the middle of the night, but by golly, I still love it.

I feel so sorry for all our sick babies.

The flu is crappy, but not much else in life is.


Stacey said...

This is hilarious! Thanks for reposting! And...I bet you have employed the electric blanket again, since your bodies are acclimating to your atmosphere. Maybe not. I live in MD and I know I would need two electric blankets moving from Haiti back home. (I think. No experience here. Just and educated guess.)

Anonymous said...

Thank you. This is wonderful. I am going through pretty much the same experience these days: sick kids, husband with a thrombosis and a fuel tank that is empty, leaving the house extremely cold. Oh, I wish I had your blanket... ;o)

Kathy Tonagel said...

That is a hilarious post! All that snot talk... I am a nurse and can tolerate blood and stuff from births, but mucous/snot?? EWWWW.

Sarah said...

Thanks for reposting this, Heather. It is hilarious!
I was wondering, since Lent starts in just over a week, Feb 22nd, if you were planning on doing a post on Lent, posting some of the links and ideas y'all use, or at least a "best of" of previous Lent posts. I am so thankful for y'all giving us that window into how your family does stuff like that. I find it incredibly helpful. Thanks :-)

Melodi said...

Oh my gosh! The SOUPOUS!!!!!!!! I'm so glad I've had you around to keep my children culturally aware! ha!