Monday, January 23, 2012

Morning Message

Still.  Gray.  Heavy.

Words to describe a cold winter's day, and yet words that I've used this week to describe my soul.  Hope is rising.  I can see hints of it on the horizon.  I know it's coming.  It's just for now, the world that's mine seems still and dark.  Like the moment before the first rays of morning light stretch out in a yawn across the sky.

Every morning I wake up before the sun comes up.  Coffee in hand, wrapped in a blanket, hair a tangled, unruly mess I sit down on the couch in the dark. Waiting.  Watching.  I have been given an extravagant gift.  The french doors in front of me frame the sun rising over acres and acres of Texas land.

For the first week I didn't come to the couch to wait on the sun.  I came to sit down.  To be alone.  To think. To read my Bible.  To lay a lot of pain and confusion bare before the Lord and ask Him to heal it, to make me teachable, to soften the parts that are hard.

It wasn't until a few days ago that I realized this morning ritual of sitting in the dark watching the sun come up may not be the background for the work God is creating, but perhaps it is the main message I need to absorb before I can fully embrace the rest of what God is teaching.  This daily date with the sunrise is no accident.

It is dark.  I can't see.  All feels heavy and hopeless at times.  I can barely make out the shapes in front of me.  And yet every morning, without fail what once was completely dark, hidden, and shapeless transforms into something altogether different.  Magnificently different.

Every morning I sit on that couch without one sliver of light in the room.  Before the sun rises, in that dark, still moment, I find myself marveling that my surroundings will be changed in a matter of minutes.  All is quiet.  All is black.  All is concealed and hidden.  All is motionless.  It begins.  The silhouette of the tree close to the house becomes visible.  I can make out the branches.  The roof of the swing set.  Each picket on the fence.  The light steadily grows in strength and power.  It marches on.  Nothing can stop this light that is gently growing.  Yet nothing can rush it.

Hair a mess, coffee almost gone, I sit on that couch before the sun comes up.  It's difficult to believe that so much beauty and change is about to break forth.  It's hard to believe, but I never doubt it; the sun is about to make its debut.  There's never been a day when it hasn't.

In moments the room where I sit and the entire landscape is changed dramatically.  

And so is my heart.  Over the past few weeks that sun rising, has brought with it a sweet companion...hope.

Maybe the sun comes up every day because God knows that's about how often we are tempted to doubt His faithfulness and power?

I'm not sure what has comforted and taught me more the past few weeks.  The Bible sitting in my lap or the messages it contains vibrantly coming alive in the sky.  

14 comments:

Jessica said...

Beautiful.

Sunny Rising Leather said...

This was the perfect gift to read - thank you so much for the writing of it.
Xo
a

Jenn said...

Thank you Heather. This is an encouraging post amidst a season of my own forgetfulness of His faithfulness.

Erin Kay said...

"Like Jacob, we ask, breathless and heaving, where He is, who He is, for HIs name here, the only real blessing. "Please tell me your name." We have named the graces and there found His name, Glory, and in the face of man we have seen the face of God. Then Him, the blessing, God, joy-water in the desert. But wells don't come without first begging to see the wells; wells don't come without first splitting open hard earth, cracking back the lids. There's no seeing God face-to-face without first the ripping."--Ann Voskamp.

This post makes me think of this whole chapter where she talks about seeing God's face after wrestling and being broken by him in the darkness just before dawn. I am SO EXCITED with you about the expectations for the fulfillment of the hope that you will inevitably see fulfilled in God's Glory passing by.

I think about you A LOT and give thanks for you A LOT and have been lifting you in prayer A LOT.

mandi said...

take it slow.

let it all seep in.

Molly said...

In Womens Bible Study - we have been studying Psalm 130...And when you shared I thought of it.

5 I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
6 I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

Anonymous said...

I thought EXACTLY the same thing that Erin wrote....God breaking the hard stuff for us to truly see the blessing.

My verse for the month...Romans 15:17 (also adapted from A.V.'s book)..."May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Blessings for HOPE, PEACE & JOY

Leah said...

I had to copy your bit about the sun rising everyday because it's so easy to doubt as a reminder to myself. I have had many doubting moments lately, but the sunshine this morning after a huge storm last night reminded me that God is faithful and steadfast.

I have been following your blog for about a year and am constantly encouraged by your realness and willingness to acknowlegde the wonderful and not so wonderful parts of life.

Sunshine to you, Heather!

Ursula said...

I just want you to know I am praying for you.

You're going to make it.

Sarah said...

yes.

Carly said...

Thank you for sharing that. I really needed that right now in my own life struggles. Prayers for your family as you make this transition and find what God has planned for your lives.

Jason and Andrea Schmick said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdrRSCL-EL4&feature=player_embedded

praying for your family...

Tamara Bonacquisti said...

Thank you for this post Heather. It has been dark here for a while too. I love your description...and the solid reminder that will rise again in the morning...I think I will join you, in search of that reminder before the sun...sleepy, messy head of hair too. Blessings on your journey of hope.

Tamara

Katherine said...

Jeremiah 33:14-26 (MSG)
14-18"'Watch for this: The time is coming'—God's Decree—'when I will keep the promise I made to the families of Israel and Judah. When that time comes, I will make a fresh and true shoot sprout from the David-Tree. He will run this country honestly and fairly. He will set things right. That's when Judah will be secure and Jerusalem live in safety. The motto for the city will be, "God Has Set Things Right for Us." God has made it clear that there will always be a descendant of David ruling the people of Israel and that there will always be Levitical priests on hand to offer burnt offerings, present grain offerings, and carry on the sacrificial worship in my honor.'"

19-22God's Message to Jeremiah: "God says, 'If my covenant with day and my covenant with night ever fell apart so that day and night became haphazard and you never knew which was coming and when, then and only then would my covenant with my servant David fall apart and his descendants no longer rule. The same goes for the Levitical priests who serve me. Just as you can't number the stars in the sky nor measure the sand on the seashore, neither will you be able to account for the descendants of David my servant and the Levites who serve me.'"

23-24God's Message to Jeremiah: "Have you heard the saying that's making the rounds: 'The two families God chose, Israel and Judah, he disowned'? And have you noticed that my people are treated with contempt, with rumors afoot that there's nothing to them anymore?

25-26"Well, here's God's response: 'If my covenant with day and night wasn't in working order, if sky and earth weren't functioning the way I set them going, then, but only then, you might think I had disowned the descendants of Jacob and of my servant David, and that I wouldn't set up any of David's descendants over the descendants of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. But as it is, I will give them back everything they've lost. The last word is, I will have mercy on them.'"