Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Never Gonna Be a Big Girl
The original plan: Me. Heading out for four days to a practicum for a new curriculum we'll be using next year for the seven school-age kids in Haiti. Me. Alone. In a hotel room. Driving several hours away. Alone. Without cruise control and a deep-down hatred for map reading. A practicum. Alone. Don't I sound independent and intelligent. Practicum. Keep saying it. I'm convinced uttering that word makes my IQ increase. Practicum.
Here's the sweet, pathetic, lame, sad, heart-warming (you feel free to pick your adjective) truth. I hate being away from my family. I have left my kids home to head out on magical getaways with my husband, but I've never really spent much time away from home without this crazy bunch or my handles-every-last-detail husband.
Earlier in the week I was feeling excited. I'm going to be alone for four days. Imagine all I can accomplish. Imagine all the Pinterest I can look at, errands I could run, and reading I can get done. Just imagine. It felt so Mary Tyler Moore. Then as the time got closer I told the kids I would be leaving and Ashton in his sweet Ashton way started blinking back the most giant tears. He was right on the verge of bawling when I said, "No. Don't. Let's forget about it. No more talking about this. It's awful."
Last night as I was falling asleep Aaron said, "You do know that you are going to have to be the one who carries your giant quilt through the lobby of the hotel. And your fan. I won't be there to do that."
Oh my word. Aaron is always the one who drags in all my random things I simply must have when we sleep away from home. The fan. My quilt (because ew. gross. Not using a hotel comforter. I'm convinced there are boogers on them and other nasty bodily related things.)
Aaron left bright and early this morning to run some errands. I was home packing. A thought hit me. "I don't even know how to set my alarm on my phone. How am I going to wake up on time for this conference?" That's when I felt the tears coming. I am ridiculous. Aaron is so good to me, down to the fact that he asks me before bed, "What time do you need up in the morning" and then always takes care of the alarm setting. I never even touch that thing.
I'm supposed to be leaving today but by 10:00 this morning I was texting Aaron. "Why can't you all just go with me?" After several texts and a couple phone calls, I excitedly gathered up all the kids and said, "Guess what! You're all going to Waco with me!" I've been running around the house like a freak throwing more clothes into the suit case. We head out in an hour.
I will probably regret my decision 45 minutes into the road trip when the kids are being obnoxious and Hudson is causing a ruckus in the backseat. The boys think a hotel room is an adventure of its own. They are thrilled. We already had the room. Breakfast is free. Lunch is packed. Coupons for dinner are in my hand. So why not all go?
That's the way I keep trying to spin this to myself. The real truth is, I got married at 19, adore my husband, he takes care of everything, which leaves me to read billboards, daydream of living in every town we pass, stare at people, and eavesdrop on the conversations of strangers. It's true. I fail at being a big girl. Kirby said this to me today, "If Aaron dies, you'll have to move in with me." Yep. It's true.
I may not be Mary Tyler Moore, but after this weekend, I'm going to be wicked smart.
Posted by Hendrick Family