Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Never Gonna Be a Big Girl


The original plan:  Me.  Heading out for four days to a practicum for a new curriculum we'll be using next year for the seven school-age kids in Haiti.  Me.  Alone.  In a hotel room.  Driving several hours away.  Alone.  Without cruise control and a deep-down hatred for map reading.  A practicum.  Alone.  Don't I sound independent and intelligent.   Practicum.  Keep saying it.  I'm convinced uttering that word makes my IQ increase.  Practicum.

Here's the sweet, pathetic, lame, sad, heart-warming (you feel free to pick your adjective) truth.  I hate being away from my family.  I have left my kids home to head out on magical getaways with my husband, but I've never really spent much time away from home without this crazy bunch or my handles-every-last-detail husband.

Earlier in the week I was feeling excited.  I'm going to be alone for four days.  Imagine all I can accomplish.  Imagine all the Pinterest I can look at, errands I could run, and reading I can get done.  Just imagine.  It felt so Mary Tyler Moore.  Then as the time got closer I told the kids I would be leaving and Ashton in his sweet Ashton way started blinking back the most giant tears.  He was right on the verge of bawling when I said, "No.  Don't.  Let's forget about it.  No more talking about this.  It's awful."

Last night as I was falling asleep Aaron said, "You do know that you are going to have to be the one who carries your giant quilt through the lobby of the hotel.  And your fan.  I won't be there to do that."

Oh my word.  Aaron is always the one who drags in all my random things I simply must have when we sleep away from home.  The fan.  My quilt (because ew.  gross.  Not using a hotel comforter.  I'm convinced there are boogers on them and other nasty bodily related things.)

Aaron left bright and early this morning to run some errands.  I was home packing.  A thought hit me.  "I don't even know how to set my alarm on my phone.  How am I going to wake up on time for this conference?"  That's when I felt the tears coming.  I am ridiculous.  Aaron is so good to me, down to the fact that he asks me before bed, "What time do you need up in the morning" and then always takes care of the alarm setting.  I never even touch that thing.

I'm supposed to be leaving today but by 10:00 this morning I was texting Aaron.  "Why can't you all just go with me?"  After several texts and a couple phone calls, I excitedly gathered up all the kids and said, "Guess what!  You're all going to Waco with me!"  I've been running around the house like a freak throwing more clothes into the suit case.  We head out in an hour.

I will probably regret my decision 45 minutes into the road trip when the kids are being obnoxious and Hudson is causing a ruckus in the backseat.  The boys think a hotel room is an adventure of its own.  They are thrilled.  We already had the room.  Breakfast is free.  Lunch is packed.  Coupons for dinner are in my hand.  So why not all go?

That's the way I keep trying to spin this to myself.  The real truth is, I got married at 19, adore my husband, he takes care of everything, which leaves me to read billboards, daydream of living in every town we pass, stare at people, and eavesdrop on the conversations of strangers.  It's true.  I fail at being a big girl.  Kirby said this to me today, "If Aaron dies, you'll have to move in with me."  Yep.  It's true.

Practicum.

I may not be Mary Tyler Moore, but after this weekend, I'm going to be wicked smart.

21 comments:

Megan said...

I think I could have written this...

I don't even know how to check our bank account, or pay our bills, or who to even pay our bills too...

Marla Taviano said...

I didn't know you got married at 19. I love it! And for all my airs of independence, Gabe does an awful lot for me too.

Ashley McWhorter said...

I love that he still sets your alarm. After 11 years of marriage, my husband does too! :)

Anne said...

I totally fail at being a big girl too! I would not even have considered going to a practi-whatever all by myself!!! I exist pretty happily in my infantile state though!

Holly said...

Welcome to Wacko town!! :)

hope you have fun

and get smart

Joy: said...

I can't set my alarm clock either, and honestly do NOT want to know. I hate leaving my famiy and even can work myself into a tizzy of sickness before I leave.

mandi said...

Oh gosh Heather- I relate to so much of this post. Hence me texting John at 4 in the morning when the raccoon got the chicken asking "what the heck do i do now?". And what you said about daydreaming about living in every town you pass...yeah- that's me too. And when we stop to pee I pick up the real estate catalog. Geez. I hate to not be with my family. At least one member. At all times.

Four Little Penguins said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who fails at big-girl-hood!
On the other hand, isn't it wonderful to have such awesome husbands????

Leslie said...

Bahaha. Practicum. Loved reading this. (Also, I totally have that brown Aggie girls shirt!) And yes, thank goodness for husbands who take care of things and spoil us! :)

Mandy said...

Thanks for sharing this! Last night my older son was up crying and feverish and puking and I was freaking out and running around and hyperventilating and my husband, who had a horrible sunburn from being out all day running field day and who was exhausted, dosed all night on the loveseat in our living room so he could care for our son who had been moved to the couch so he wouldn't wake up his brother. I felt like such a loser! But then I remember that God has a reason for giving us husbands and that spouses often complement each other and fill in the gaps for each other. Which is pretty beautiful. I love that you bring your quilt and your fan to hotels.

Kirby said...

I must have been laughing too hard about how I was jealous of all your alone time and just the thought of it was making you sweaty that I didn't even recall that I haven't set my own alarm in almost 6 years either. (Even if I'm going to take a nap and want to wake up at a certain time, I make Charlie do it on his lunch break.) So, I guess if I were going alone to a practicum, if I were late I might just have to miss the whole thing. Because you know I'd rather just be absent entirely than walk in 5 minutes late.

Christie said...

Glad to know that I am not the only one that gets the heaves thinking about hotel comforters...Yuck! My husband does a lot of these things for me as well! Hope you all have a great trip!

Lori said...

While I am the alarm setter in our house, I don't pay bills, carry luggage, balance check books, kill bugs or a multitude of other so-called big girl tasks. I merely smile and say "that's why I got married". (-;

Sarah said...

Heather-are you serious? Girrrrl it is time for an intervention...something is seriously out of whack if you can do Pinterest but can't set your own alarm. Learn to do it today. It is good to be a big girl sometimes.

Laura said...

Hi Heather,
I'm another 19 year old bride who doesn't know what to do without my husband or kids. I do know how to set my alarm, but I don't have a clue as to how to keep the house straight or laundry caught up. We will be traveling to Uganda at some undetermined point in the future. The part that stresses me the most (besides my kids staying home) is that after a few weeks I will be leaving and my husband will be gone for another several weeks. Whaaaat am I going to do???? We've never been apart for more than a couple of days. So thankful to still want to be with him all the time after (ahem) a few years (and 5 and counting kids) together. The upside is he gets to be the one to travel half way around the world with 2 toddlers, heeheehee

Christy @ pureMotherhood said...

Oh, I am so with you...my husband carries the fan (and my body pillow) too. LOL. And I don't love the thought of leaving my kids, even if it's just several hours. Hubby and I went away this past weekend and had a wonderful time together but it's so hard to say goodbye to the kiddos even when I know there in wonderful hands. What can I say? I love them. ;)

Alanna said...

I could've written this post. Down to the details... the fan, moving to every town you pass, calling to say - seriously, let's just all go b/c I can NOT go alone,... :)
Love it.

renee said...

I have been thinking about this post for à few days now...and still it amazes me.As do all the comments...
Of course I can relate to the subject, i am also à wife who builds on her husband. But this seems to much, and unhealthy to me. And blogging about it, doesnt make it cute .And maybe the kids don.t need a fun story, or a fun trip. Maybe they need to see a mom who is growing up.

Hendrick Family said...

Renee, you are always welcome to your opinion, but we ended up having a great time together. I'm really glad we were all there.

Maybe I do need to grow up. Thankfully God lets me do that at my own pace. What a relief.

Heather

renee said...

dear Heather
i love your boldness for posting also a negative reaction, from my side....
coming back from holiday i now read my post again, and ofcourse it is not so graciously written...and to think there even was a warning ,next to the blogging square.
i am still missing a lot of blog manners.
i will happily continue to read your stories, as a dutch mother of 4 i am intrested in all of your stories, and as a christian i wish you gods blessing for the upcoming time.
loving those vintage stockings....
what i also sh

Hendrick Family said...

Renee,

I love how the Dutch speak their minds. We have several Dutch friends in Haiti. I always know exactly what they are thinking. There's never any guessing!

It's nice to have people who speak their minds on this journey with us. I'm glad you're here.

Heather