Monday, October 18, 2010

Markers Make Mommy a Maniac


Look in my eyes.

You can't play

Look in my eyes.

You can't play with markers, buddy


Look in mommy's eyes

You can't

In my eyes, Hudson

You can't write on the TV with

my eyes

look in my eyes

You can't write on the TV with markers

No. Look at me.

In my eyes


Look in my eyes

You can't write on the TV with markers. Mommy isn't mature enough

Look at my face.

In my eyes Buddy

I'm not mature enough to not let that make me lose my mind.

In my eyes

Look in my eyes

You can't color your legs with a marker, Hudson

In my eyes

No.  Look at my face.

In my eyes.

You know markers are a no no.

You have to knock it off with the markers, okay?

Can you say sorry, mom?

In my eyes

Look me in my eyes

In mommy's eyes

Thanks.  I forgive you.

Love you

Anson, Hayden, Ashton...

If I see Hudson with another one of these things, I will set every marker in this house on fire. I will make a huge bonfire, throw in the markers and have a wild rumpus while you all stand there and cry.  Except I won't even know you're crying cause I'll be doing the hammer so hard and singing, "Ding dong the markers are gone."

Got it?

(They seem unaffected. They know. I'd never really throw the markers away.  And they know I don't know how to make a fire.)


If you could put one of your kid's toys behind the wheel of the car and run over it, which toy would it be?

Surely we all have toys in our house like that.

We hate the toy's guts, but we'd never actually throw it away because then we'd probably ruin our children's lives. If our kid ever went to prison, or became a truck driver, we'd lay in bed at night and know it's all because we trashed their Polly Pocket.

Mother Guilt.  It's the only thing keeping Legos in this house. It wakes me up in the middle of the night and makes me worried that my kids don't have enough access to construction paper.

I'm sad to say I've actually lost some sleep over whether or not there's enough construction paper in the house.  Sheesh.

What toy makes you want to put it in the garbage disposal?

This is a safe place.  We won't judge you.  Even if it's the Noah's Ark Playmobil Set.


Anthony & Sharon said...

Legos. Definitely legos. Do I even need to explain why? No. I don't. Because every mom knows.

Kathryn, Michael and Alex said...

Oh markers...many a magic erasers have been used on my walls and I am very thankful for touch up paint!!

Fortunately Alex is past writing on the walls but he will still mark up his legs and arms.

I don't understand why. The markers still live up high.

The worst toy is the little Tech Deck skate boards. Oh my goodness try to have a serious conversation with your eleven year old while they flip, flip, flip through their fingers. Crazy. Step on those things and they hurt!!

The Kramer Family said...

for me.....totally MARKERS!!! i find them all over the place and i'm in the same boat as you with my dear Ruthie.

the other day i found her with a BLACK non-toxic marker sucking the ink right out of the tip of it.

i walked into the room and gasped with horror because she was in a PILE of them- except she managed to choose the black one to have a suck fest with.

after i gasped and cold-busted her, she pulled the marker away from her mouth and smiled at me with a mouth that resembled the people of the Appalachian Mountains.

so yes. i feel you on the markers. i HATE them but somehow with children and trying to spawn in them creativity you must have them.

mbs said...

How'd you know it was the Polly Pockets? I love sucking the left over pieces up my vacuum cleaner hose.

Oh, and "Moon Sand". Whoever thought creating a game that involved sand coming INTO the house, was a good thing?

Susan, wife of 1, mother of 4 said...

You are so funny! I LOVE the, "look in my eyes" part. We did that too. It makes me very upset that it takes more time to get them to look than it does to say what you want to say! I don't have a specific toy that I dislike, but I'd be happy to give away all of the tiny pieces of things that they play with that aren't whole and aren't toys anymore. They are so happy with broken pieces! I guess that shows a good imagination, but those little broken things drive me crazy!

I hope you can recover from the TV fiasco. Hudson's leg will gradually return to normal. Sigh. You are doing SO WELL managing "real family life" with digging into the community to reach others. It's HARD!

I think of you almost every morning when I have a nice, warm shower. You are AMAZING! You NEVER complain about the lack of warm water! That really is God living through you!

I'm off to find that link that you posted about ordering purses for a purse party.

You are changing lives, Heather. Keep up the GREAT work!

the herzogs said...

heather, this post totally made me crack up and also feel like i'm not a crazy mom! the whole long conversation thing with all the 'look in my eyes' over and over made me feel like i was reading a story about my life every day with caleb! hilarious! we have (a huge scribble mess) of markers on walls in 2 different rooms. they're still there after quite some time. i don't even try and clean them off. :-/


Kyle said...

Is my kid's dog a toy? Just wondering.

CindyC said...


Stupid, breaking, colorful crayons.

Anything that writes, really.

But where would I be without any pens or pencils?

Using crayons, of course.

Hendrick Family said...

Yes. That's the way ladies.

Let it out.

Let it all out.

You are cracking me up.

Lynsey, Hudson sucks on the markers too. Growl.

And how does he completely destroy a room and his body with markers in three seconds? He's Black Dash. That's how.

Melda said...

Girl.......I feel your pain! DEEP! Zion is the "artist" in this family and he has drawn on EVERYTHING....... when we moved to San Diego we spent almost $3000 on a new leather sofa set (because of Isaac's asthma, the leather) and Zion drew on the side with a RED dry erase marker within the first 10 days of having it.....

ALSO, he is now 9, and spent LAST WEEKEND using his allowance money for the chemicals to remove SPRAY PAINT from the driveway...... UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haley said...

Right now, it's the magnets on my refrigerator. I just told my husband the other night, "If i have to pick up one more stinkin' magnet, I am going to throw them all away!!!" But I haven't. I think it's because I'm 9 months pregnant and the bending over is a touch difficult and the 15 month old in the house like to take them all off 18,000 times a day!!!

I'm also feeling similarly about the wooden blocks.

Whew! I feel better. :)

Nicki said...

My 18 month old has yet to discover legos or markers. I do want to throw away this annoying singing helicopter my grandmother gave him at Christmas, but my heart isn't 100% frozen enough to just yet. But its days are numbered.

Anonymous said...

LOL!! We still have the "look in my eyers" convo with our 15 year old. Didn't have a problem with toys, but I dislike with much passion cell phones.


Jana said...

It is an even tie between legos and play-do. Can I get rid of both?

amanda said...

hahaha!! So true, so true...

Shannon- said...

Chalk is the only thing alowed in this house. For the very same reason. Chalk is easily wiped off most surfaces. few. Thank you Lord- for CHALK

mandi said...

That weird hamster/guinea pig toy that Levi got for his bday. Hate it. First of all, don't come bringing battery operated toys into my house. Just don't do it. Especially ones that squeal and talk and run all over the place.

Anonymous said...

Oh my!! I laughed the whole way through your post while nodding my head! Then came to the comments and continued laughing!! I love you all, fellow moms! I am currently plagued by crayons and markers! Between the 2yob & the 1yob, we STILL need to clean the walls & the carpet (Both red crayon! After steam cleaning the red marker out of the carpet only a week before the crayon incident!) And there are also a few odd pieces of furniture & the kitchen floor with crayon marks... OH! AND my front living room window!!! And I LOVE the part ABOUT SETTING FIRE TO ALL THE MARKERS! I have said similar to my 9yog & 7yob!
:) Terresa

Brandon and April said...

Playdoh. Definitely playdoh. It gets under my fingernails. It gets under THEIR fingernails. And yet, of course, it's their favorite "toy." Maybe it's because they like to eat it. Sure, they think they're all sneaky. But when my 16 month old has blue poo, and not to mention that our playdoh stash is slowly dwindling, I vow to them that I shall NEVER replenish the playdoh supply. EVER!
But where would we be without nasty tasting salty playdoh? My kids would never be normal again without it.

Camille Lancaster said...

Your writing style is hilarious - I love it. Too, too funny. And so, so honest. I acutally base some of my toy purchases on whether or not I think I can resist throwing the pieces in the trash can. Polly Pockets did not make the last cut - I have totally thrown Polly out the door way too many times in the past to keep buying more.

hodgesgal said...

Lincoln logs, legos of any kind, blocks, and super hero figures... ugh.. my list could go on and on and on and on and on... my 4 1/2 year old has never had playdough in this house, ever! He can thank his older brothers for that one!

Wheeler Family said...

I don't have a toy issue. There is a playroom upstairs and I don't have to see the little things very often.
BUT, I have 3 girls and I would sometime like to throw out all the shoes. They are overtaking my life. They are under the seat in the car, in the hallway, on the floors.....everywhere!
oh, and they love to have papers. They doodle and play office and cut and glue and PAPER is everywhere.
Ok, all done. I feel better! :)

kari said...

Since I paint murals and have in both kids' rooms, it is so hard to explain to them why it is ok for mommy, but not for them.

Today I stepped on a jack (thought I had already put all of those in the trash!) and the pointy part went completely in my foot. Left a big hole!

Anonymous said...

The small round magnetixs marble. I promise you that I think they have been breading like rabbits!! I have throw them away and yet I still find more of them! Whose idea was it to give these to my children. What a mean and cruel joke! I hate you small round magnetix marble!

Laura said...

I love this post...until just now, I thought I was the only parent in the world who had the "look into my eyes" refrain constantly embedded in heart to hearts with my children!

...and what makes me crazy enough that at times I fear I'll end up in a padded cell? Teeny tiny doll accessories, puzzle pieces, legos, crayons, and rubber balls...

Robert Heath said...

Boy can I relate to this! I couldn't even single out one toy. It'd be whatever they left out on the lawn, or the bike in the entrance to the garage, or all the toys stuffed under the sofa or under the sofa cushions. It'd be the legos in the drier, or the acorns, and stones brought into the house as toys.

The list is endless. I (Daddy) would throw them away, without guilt, but there's Mommy standing between me and the trash...

Anonymous said...

Bend-a-roos. I wouldn't mind them if I had known they were in my house. My mother gave them to my 3 year old while she was babysitting. 3 days later, i'm finding them EVERYWHERE! They're jammed in the corners of the recliner, they're sticking to all my kitchen chairs and they're jammed in the tracks os my sliding glass door. It's also WAY fun to find my 18 month old chewing on them.

Stephanie said...

I am definitely with you about the markers! As we speak, I vigilantly watch my 3-yr-old when he holds ANY writing instrument in his hand. That said, thank you for the fabulous laugh ... and the joy of knowing I am not the only mother who fantasizes over having a wild rumpus while all the contraban burnS in a fire!!

Bob & Judy said...

If it helps any, from the "25 years later" perspective, I cannot remember the toys I hated. But I can remember ones they loved.

I CAN remember little chubby fingers stacking blocks and playing the drums and running cars up the side of the couch. I CAN remember truck and gun noises in 2-year old voices. I CAN remember little blond boys with big glasses having Transformer battles.

I CAN remember they themselves with markers, but I'm pretty sure it's worn off by now.

This, too, will pass, as they say.

But it's perfectly all right to throw out things that cause more stress than they're worth. You're the Mommy. You get to decide.

Grandma loves all of you.

Courtney said...

what a great post! to make us all feel "normal!" thanks!

at the moment (and it changes daily...or hourly...) it would be stickers. they LOVE them. yet leave the little bits of trash behind..and the stickers end up stuck to the wood floor, my dresser, the windows, and the clothes..that end up getting washed and then wadded up pieces of stickers come falling out with the socks that don't have matches.

{it's amazing how much better i feel!} ;-)

Melissa said...

Crappy Happy Meal toys. Seriously. My mom takes her to McDonald's about once a week, and orders a kid's meal too, so she comes home with TWO.

Often, when she's gone, they secretly find their way to the trashcan - but somehow, like that Ouija Board everyone had a story about in school, they keep coming back.

(Although, I must admit she comes up with some pretty imaginative scenarios starring characters from multiple shows/movies.)

The Kramer Family said...

i'm going to add stickers to my list:) that is all. hate them.

Ursula said...

Those popcorn popper push toys. It sounds like bombs going off in my house all day long.

It is the only noisy toy in our house b/c I send all the electronic ones to grandma's as a "gift" so that she can have things for the kids.

Mess I can stand. Loud repetitive noises, not so much.

Shelley said...

For me it isn't a toy, but the kid scissors and all the tiny scraps of paper that are all over my house. I ban cutting things several times a day and then I feel guilty that he will never develop proper coordination.

Great post! I am hosting a purse party this Sunday with a friend as a result of reading your blog. Thanks for sharing your world!

Anonymous said...

Ok, just had to update: the budding 2yob artist found a new medium... his dad's deodorant on the walls!!
~ Terresa

Flower Patch Farmgirl said...

Oh, have mercy. It's the markers! It is definitely the markers. And I make the same doggone threat to my oldest two, only I hadn't thought of the bonfire twist. That's good. That's real, real good.

So happy I happened by... :)