Friday, May 07, 2010

Days Like Today....

passport? check

malaria meds? check

typhoid meds? check

tetanus shot? check

bug spray? check

sunscreen? check

I'm finishing up the packing this morning

getting ready


and yet

not looking forward to kissing my babies goodbye today.

Have we ever left them this long before?

I'm trying to remember.

Not Hudson...for sure. I think he's only spent one night away from us. The only time we left him for the night with someone else, was also the only time he has ever had explosive diarrhea in his bed. Poor Crystal.

I'm battling thoughts this morning.

Yucky thoughts.

Thoughts that hit mothers in the middle of the night before a trip away from her children.

Thoughts that only seem to creep into a mother's mind when an open, half-packed suitcase sits at the foot of her bed.

I hate those thoughts.

I've been emotional this morning as I finish packing, finish writing up notes for Aaron's gosh, I'm so thankful for this woman.

Jesus...keep us safe. Please bring us home to these boys. Please.

Do they know how much I love them? Have I told them enough? Have I shown them enough?

All that time I've spent doing other things besides loving them seems stupid now.

I'm asking God for grace this morning...

Grace for all the things I wish I would have done differently if something were to happen to us this week.

Grace to take these thoughts captive, remembering that God loves my sons more than I do. That's so hard to fathom. No matter what this week holds...or today..or tomorrow...He has a precious plan for all of us. All of our days have been ordained, every word known by our God before it ever leaves our mouths...what comfort that brings a mother's soul on days like today.

Nothing like a suitcase to make you rejoice in the sovereignty of God.

Hopefully I can start resting in how big God He's in control of airplanes, Haitian drivers, and mosquitoes so I can move on to thinking about other things...

Like how my unpredictable, mind-of-its-own, prone to naughtiness head of hair is going to behave in Haiti.



Heather Diaz said...

I haven't even met you, yet I woke up this morning thinking about the adventure ahead of you this weekend. I thought about: the things you will see and not be able to get out of your head when you leave, the people you will meet, the thoughts you might have...I don't know why- maybe because I'm going in July and have often wondered about those same things for me...anyway, all this to say that I prayed for you and for Aaron this morning and that God will speak clearly to you both, and that you will return knowing what His next step will be for your family!

Matt said...

Hang in there. I am headed there in June and I have already started to have the mental struggles. Mainly because I REALLY love being with my wife and kids. It will be an adventure I am sure, but I know God has His arms around us and has His plan for us. Don't live in the fear.

Jamie R. said...

Praying for you and your family!

Susan, wife of 1, mother of 4 said...

Heather, you are so funny, and REAL. I love that about you.

Your thoughts are NORMAL. The thing that helped me was KNOWING that we were in God's will. Like you, I had never left my children for more than one night - ONE NIGHT, and that was so Paul and I could stay in a hotel downtown (SAME CITY) and have some R&R...and I think we did it twice in 10 years.

Suddenly we were flying an OCEAN away, CLEAR across the U.S. (to CA from England) and my children were staying in a FOREIGN COUNTRY with a BABY-SITTER!

I had the exact same thoughts as you, and like you, I knew they were a little over the top (God DOES love them more than we do). The only way I survived was to pray, and KNOW that we were in God's will. HE was moving us to California, not us. HE was in control of my husband's job, not us. He knew before we even left for England that we were going to go through this, and He knew the outcome.

Turns out our trip was VERY productive, and our children had a WHALE of a time with their baby-sitter, whom they still talk about.

In fact, our youngest (3) who HATED baby-sitters (we got a call at Paul's Christmas party saying that our 3 year old was kicking the baby-sitter and could we please talk to him?) LOVED having the baby-sitter and now cries in despair if Paul and I don't spend enough time away at date night!

So crazy.

Your children will be FINE. You and Aaron will be FINE. Your worries are NORMAL.

You are so brave. Listen to God's voice and follow His leading - whether it's for this change or not. Just listen and follow. He will direct your paths, and they are GOOD.

I'll be praying!

Molly said...

Oh man. Just catching up. Love you dearly. Something said in Sunday school one morning forever changed my thinking about things like this. Here goes: He never said you had to be ready or able to do something, just be willing and He will make you ready and able. Are you kidding? God loves to pick's how He shows that this was HIS doing and not ours.

Praying for you. Thanks for stepping out in faith and being willing to even see what He's up to.

Melda said...

Remembering my naive flight to Haiti to get are certainly more prepared than I was. (There are so many stories there.........)
Prayed for you this morning as we are alike in leaving our babies.
I know God has his hand on you guys and I can't wait to hear all about the trip!