Thursday, September 03, 2009

A Beard with Breasts


I've heard rumor for months now that there is this man/lady floating around college station.

People spot him.

They tell me about it.

I say, "Dang it. Why can't I ever see this person?"

What's so fascinating about this particular she-male?

Well...

This guy is an OLD man. Old. Really old.

There is nothing female about his face.

He has a long ZZ top beard.

And yet...

He has big, voluptuous bosoms, and he wears WAY low cut shirts to show them off.

You read that right.

There is an OLD man in our town who has a beard, wears man clothes and yet has HUGE breast implants that he shows off with horribly low cut shirts.

What a jewel.

I've always wanted to see this man in person, but was beginning to wonder if he was sort of like Big Foot, or the Loch Ness Monster, or World's Most Perfect Mother.

Does he really exist?

He's been spotted at T.J. Max and the baking aisle of HEB.

After encountering him, Ashley Garratt and Mindi Woods were both scarred for life. "My eyes...my eyes....just poke out my eyes!"

I'm sure it would be a hard thing to process in one moment without any warning.

Why haven't I seen this guy? Why?

Oh Marvelous Day...Ashley Garratt just called me to tell me there's a picture of him on the internet.

Ashley heard on the radio there's a website called People of Wal-Mart.

The language on the site is pretty rough, but if you're a Wal-Mart hater, then you can start with the first picture on the site, declare it "Exhibit A" and then move on to the next picture and declare it "Exhibit B" and so on and so on.

I'm sure some people who are way more godly than I am could tell us all the reasons why we shouldn't be fascinated with an old man with an impressive chest and those comments are welcome...but for now, I don't know what to do with this.

I've only gotten as far as..."Really? I mean...Really? Why?"

Here's the best part....

The old man who stole Pamela Anderson's chest is on the People of Wal-Mart site! See? * See the bosoms?

Let's pray I don't ever run into him.

I don't think I have enough self control to not engage him in a conversation and that conversation not start off exactly like this...

"Um...so....what cha got goin' on here?"

I would pay a lot of money...like full price for a week's worth of groceries to sit down and ask this man some questions.

_______________________________________________

* Ryan said the link isn't working. It did that earlier this morning. I think the People of Wal-Mart page may not be able to handle the traffic? This site was on the radio this morning, so maybe that's why it's a little overwhelmed. Check back later. It's definitely worth the look!

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Heather,

I mean this with a very good heart. Please reconsider posting this information. This man is still a person. I think it's cruel to make fun of him in this way.

Hendrick Family said...

I did really consider whether or not to post this.

But...I decided to.

One...because I'm not perfect, and never want anyone to think I am. Unfortunately I really get a kick out of this. I need sanctification just like everyone else...but I'm not going to lie on our blog. This is sadly who I am right now...someone who thinks this is super odd and worth mentioning. I try my hardest never to paint some false picture on here for the world to see. It's easy to only post all the things right about us...but what a false impression. There's plenty wrong with me and this is another of many examples.

Two...I know he's a person, but he's a person who purposefully put giant chi-chi's on his chest and flaunts them around town. If there was some natural condition that caused a man to wake up one morning with a huge chest, then that would be one thing...but I'm thinking this guy must really want the attention.

Three...I'd really love to talk to him. I wasn't kidding when I said I would speak to him if I ever saw him in the store. My favorite people are weirdos...and being weird is a compliment in the Hendrick house.

Sorry if it offended you.

Heather

Anonymous said...

I agree with the other Anonymous above...this probably was a questionable post. You normally do such an excellent job of sharing the gospel on your blog. This? not so much.

Hendrick Family said...

Wow...

I was expecting some people to get offended but not like this.

This brings up so many questions in my mind.

I promise I'm not trying to be a jerk here...but do you two anonymous people never see something strange like this and call your spouse...or go home and tell your roommate what you saw?

If not...man...I am downright evil.

Seriously...I need to know this.

That's the first question I have...the first of many.

Wasn't thinking this was the discussion we'd be having here today, but whatever...I'm up for any good conversation, and this may just turn into one.

Heather

Anonymous said...

Heather,

It's not that you think it's funny. It's that your post doesn't say anything about it being unkind to think it's funny. That would be different. Instead you invite people to go and view the picture of the man who made some of your friends want to poke their eyes out.

I don't know...it just seemed odd to me. I don't expect you to be perfect; your willingness to be authentic is what draws me to your blog.

And something just isn't right with this picture. No doctor in their right mind would do this to a person and no sane person I know (male or female) would walk around with their shirt that low. I wonder if this man has something else going on. If he's hurting or if he's struggling with something. I work with people who are mentally ill and there is no way to know what really is happening with this man, but I tend to er on the side of caution these days.

I hope that makes some sense.

Garratts said...

I've held my tongue long enough. Ya'll knew it would only take a few comments for me.

People Please! No Heather you are not downright evil, just honest.

Yes this man is a person, but lets be real people. When you are a 75 year old man prancing around town with your very low cut v-neck shirt with your VERY fake knockers hanging out, there is a problem.

Heather is only saying what you people are thinking and too afraid to say.

The first thing I did when I saw this was call my hubby.

THIS IS NOT NORMAL. And for Heather to not be able to post whatever she feels is a little ridiculous.

I encountered this man (or not) within inches and lets just say I am glad my children were not with me so I did not have to explain.

PS And it's on the World Wide Web on a site called People of Walmart.
I mean really?

Brock & Megs Birkenfeld said...

How have we never heard of this person before?

This is a lot like the "I like to work out in short shorts and hang on poles" man.. you know the one that hangs out on the corner of Wellborn and George Bush. Anyways.. he was on the news this morning (I watched the news!) These people are old and want attention, they love it, that's why they do what they do!

Aaron said...

Interestingly, this post has opened a whole different discussion.

I think it is somewhat telling that you don't get these comments when you talk about Brit Hume's orange "tan".

Is it because we don't expect to run into Brit Hume at the Wal-Mart in Bryan?
Is it becaus
e we feels sorry for the guy because he's old?

Is it because any jokes that somewhat relate to boobs are off-limits for a Christian?

Why are people offended by this post?

Why can we not laugh at an old man who has clearly surgically altered himself in strange, extravagant, even hilarious way?

My thought is that God himself is laughing at this man.

I can fully imagine that God has gathered some angels to himself and is saying, "Come here guys. You've got to see this. Gabriel, for real, look at this dude down there. As if humans don't have enough problems already, they're surgically creating more for themselves. I swear to myself, those people are helpless."

And we are.

And old guys with big boobs are one more reminder of that fact.

Hendrick Family said...

Ah...honey.

I love you.

Such good questions.

And, I can't believe you just said the word boobs so many times.

Heather

Hendrick Family said...

Thanks anonymous. That makes perfect sense. Now I do see where you're coming from. The people who have seen him say he's just so normal acting besides those giant hooters hanging out of his very low cut shirts. So, I never thought about what you're saying...that no one in their right mind would do this, so even if the man doesn't think he's nuts, we should assume he is.

I don't know if he is really mentally ill. He could just be downright strange or silly or even perverted. But I understand better where you're coming from. I am thankful for your comment...thankful that you work with people who are mentally ill...and even more thankful that God uses every part of the body, working together to help us all think about so many issues from different perspectives.

God has made your heart very sensitive towards the mentally ill. It never crossed my mind that he could be mentally ill. So we all learn from each other. I like that.

Heather

Garratts said...

Laughing. Still laughing.

Brock & Megs Birkenfeld said...

Me too Ash, and it makes me laugh harder picturing your face when you saw this man.

BTW, if you read through the comments on the site one says he has confronted this guy and that he did it on a dare when he was in the military... Pole Guy was in the military too.

thoughtsbyryan said...

Aaron brings up a good point... I think part of the reason that we don't see humanity as completely hopeless and broken without Christ is because we try to make everything out to be normal and think it is politically incorrect to point something out when it is clearly "un-normal".

Now, Anonymous, you're right... we should be spurred on to do more than laugh. But, I do think that laughing is also an appropriate response to this scenario. Quickly followed by a shaking of our head and then a realization that it is quite the extraordinary miracle that Christ would save any of us from our train-wreck of a life.

I'm always up for a good debate... this is kinda thrilling to watch!

Ryan

Hendrick Family said...

Would a doctor have to prove that someone was not mentally ill before they put huge breasts on an old man's chest?

I really want to know the answer to that question.

I'll ask Brandi and Rusty.

Check back soon.

Heather

Garratts said...

Looney plastic surgeons do exist people. And they would do it just for the money.

Insane or not.

Hendrick Family said...

This is what Megan was referring to...

Someone commented about the picture:

I actually work at a Walmart near Houston, TX and this guy used to come in all the time. I’m assuming he’s moved now because I haven’t seen him in forever and now I see this fun little picture, lol. Anyway, me and my friends have all talked to him and he’s actually a really funny, cool guy. The implants were part of a bet when he was in the military with his buddies, but that’s all he would ever tell us…

Anonymous said...

I love a good conversation.

It's interesting to me that both of these folks (the man with breasts and the pole guy) were in the military.

Many wonderful people serve in the military and come home wounded more than physically. They are often never the same and struggle with various illnesses, including mental illness.

That information could shed a lot of light on this. Just recently more money was poured into mental health services for our veterens. And we could have a great discussion on what the church could do to provide solid faith based counseling for these men and women when they return. But talking about mental health and how the church deals with it is a WHOLE nother issue! :)

Getting fake boobs on a dare doesn't make sense. You get a tattoo on a dare of boobs, but you don't have implants put in.

Anonymous said...

Heather,

Ask Dr. Bacak about this condition:
gynecomastia

It might also explain this. I can't find anything about how large the breasts can grow only that it affects the young and elderly. I can't understand medical stuff well.

Ok. I now have to return to my daily duties! :)

Aldape family said...

Heather,
I love this post because I have seen this guy 3 times! Twice at TJ Maxx and once at Macy's. He is a frequent visitor at TJ Maxx, it seemed as if all the workers knew him. .....I must admit when I saw him I called several people telling them what I saw, because I was just beside myself.
And no I do not think you are horrible for posting this. Who in there right mind would not have a few questions in there mind after seeing him.
The last time i saw him we were in Macy's and I practically ran into the men's fitting room where David was trying on pants telling him that he had to hurry and get out here to see "him." And he did, he came out with one shoe one and one off. I even said "hi" to the man after we passed by him in Macy's!
And yes I have even prayed for this man.
After the third time I saw him, I called my sister and she said "It is weird that you keep seeing him, maybe you need to tell him about Jesus." And maybe so, but I will admit, I was a little scared.
I have dreamed of the day when Jason runs into him because I could just see him asking this man "Why?" ....Oh,gotta love Jason.
Happy discussions!
Kayla

Anonymous said...

hilarious!! and you are totally right in laughing...that's human nature. i would surely laugh, probably even take a pic with my phone and share with friends!!!

the groves said...

I have totally seen him in the lingerie department at Dillards when I was shopping for a shower! He was asking the clerk about bras. :)

Hendrick Family said...

Good news...

Asked my blog friend Brandi (who is a doctor) if a plastic surgeon could really put gigantic fake boobs on someone without making sure they are legally competent to make medical decisions.

She said...no. For things like this there would probably be a psych evaluation and there's a good possibility a doctor would run something like this by a hospital's board of ethics.

So...I don't think this is a case of someone being mentally ill, then going to the doctor and asking for gigantic breasts.

Thank goodness, right?

I'm relieved.

I was beginning to get really worried. I was hoping Aaron stays alive longer than I do, because I can only imagine what kind of insane thing I might ask a doctor to do to me when I'm older and possibly a little crazy. Thank goodness I won't be able to walk into a doctor's office and say, "Give me two butts please."

As far as the man's breasts being there because of some sort of disease...Brandi looked at the picture and said those looked like implants.

There are diseases and certain medical conditions that could cause the elderly to grow breasts...but not like those.

Besides...let's not forget the low cut shirt.

Such a perplexing thing this is...

Hmmm...

Hendrick Family said...

Chelsea Groves!! Why did I not know?

And Kayla...I was wondering what department he was shopping in.

Heather

Bob & Judy said...

My first reaction to the "dare ... in the military" thing was - Wouldn't that get you kicked out of the military?

I'll bet there are plastic surgeons here in Mexico who would do implants for anyone who would pay for them.

Probably the same in Hong Kong or Panama or any number of places someone might be stationed in the military.

But again, I don't think the military would allow you to be enlisted after something like that.

emily jane said...

ok CLEARLY they are fake, clearly he wants to show them off (hence the low cut shirts and constant public outings), and IF it was a dare - which i absolutely am not buying - who in the world would be so intentional about making them known NOW, years later? for a dare?

i don't think so.

and if i'm being completely honest, i would say that his goal in wearing those shirts is most likely to get some kind of gawking reaction from people. i.e., laughter, disgust....

he knows it, he seems to enjoy it...

he's probably laughing too.

Josh said...

I completely agree with emily jane. It would be okay to say he was a man with large breasts, even breasts as a result of some condition (like hormone imbalance), except that he's parading them around like he's on MTV spring break or something.

I have to be honest I saw the "people of walmart" logo on my blog digest yesterday and ignored it because I thought it was a documentary you saw Heather. Then I got the link for people of walmart forwarded from my dad.

My opinion is, if you don't want to be seen wearing it, don't wear it. It's the same as 90% of failblog or as star wars kid. I don't feel bad for you. don't tape yourself swinging a broom handle if you don't want people to see that tape.

Also I find it odd that the only people in disagreement with the post, commented anonymously. Not judging that I just found it odd.

Josh said...

From the About Us page on People of Walmart:

"This is purely for entertainment purposes and strictly limited to the outrageously bad / ugly / creepy / crazy shoppers...There is no reason to send us pictures of people that are seriously and unfortunately handicapped so don’t be an..." you get the idea

Georgianna said...

I have to say, I found your post immeasurably amusing. I stumbled across it when trying to find out whether or not there was more information on that old ladyman on the internet. So far, this is really all I've found that was even close. That being said, I have to say, that I'm really glad that I found it. I like your writing style, but I love your message. At this point, I've only skimmed through some of your earlier posts, but after I finish typing this I'm going to read them all the way through. God has the way of dishing out blessings through the craziest things...

That said, I don't think that being a Christian should mean ceasing to have a sense of humor. I think that we can all agree that it’s terrible to delight in the misery of others, but clearly, that old man isn't miserable. He enjoys having breasts, and apparently, wants the world to enjoy them too. (Hence the low cut shirts)

I laugh when I see dogs wearing clothes. We all know that dogs were not meant to parade around in pink tutus and baseball uniforms. It’s funny because it’s absurd, but also because someone actively chose to make it happen. Old men are not supposed to have breasts. People seem to want to make him a martyr so that they can condemn those of us who find this amusing, but at this point all of the available information suggests that he has breasts because he wanted them. THAT is both absurd, and hilarious.

At least for me, that old man's strangeness is a blessing; as otherwise, I would have never found your blog. I don't know about you, but I think that is proof that God really does have a sense of humor.

CarpioFamily said...

So, this is such a suprise. I mean this post, and then the comments... I was coming to your blog to get your yummy roast recipe and WAM. a post about about a man with breast. WOW!

Honestly the first thing through my mind, was how would i explain this to my boy if we ever saw this person?

Second, if it was a bet, i mean come on.. he could of at least got them smaller or just chickened out. Just saying.

Anonymous said...

This could possible be like another man that I heard about. That was about 17 years ago, and he was a gambler, accepted a bet for $100,000 to get breast implants and keep them for one year. He not only did that but has still kept them. He not only likes them, but gets $10,000 per year for every year that he does. Just Google it.