Monday, June 01, 2009

Now I Love Old People


The movie Up ruined me.

I know...it's a kid's movie.

I have four kids. I've done my fair share of kid's movies. In the past, I've loved kid's movies only because the little people I love, love them.

Not so with Up.

I sat watching this show, and in a moment realized it was about to get sad.

I'm a sad movie wienie.

I pretty much hate them.

Oh I love a good, sad moving story...but I like to watch those movies in the privacy of my own living room where I can have a good cry without strangers present, thank you very much.

I only have two gears...not crying or ugly crying.

I ugly cried in this movie.

Had to take off my stinkin' 3-D glasses and wipe rivers of tears off my face. Who has ever heard of anything more stupid? "Take my 3-D glasses off so I could cry." That's just not the way things are supposed to work. Could someone let Pixar know that?

Aaron reached over and squeezed my hand a lot.

I knew he was probably crying too.

I left that theater and haven't been the same since.

The truth...

Old people scare the crap out of me.

I'm thirty two years old, and I'm just being honest here...no one that I've been close to has ever died.

Never.

How weird is that?

I've never watched anyone go from not old to old. My children's grandparents are still so young, active and down right good looking. They had us when they were practically babies, and we had our babies when we were babies too.

Up sent me home with a heart heavy for the elderly.

Aaron and I hugged about a hundred times after we got home from that movie.

"I love yous" and "I want to grow old with yous" filled our house that evening.

I went to bed with hot tears running down my face, holding Aaron's hand.

We're going to get old.

We're going to wear down.

And then what will happen?

What if one of us dies?

I wasn't worried...I was just sad. Maybe you think about these things all the time, but I don't. I have never thought about getting old or what that must be like.

I told Aaron, with tears in my eyes..."If I die...you're going to be so grumpy and people aren't going to like you."

They won't.

He agreed...he will be grumpy, and people won't hardly like him.

I was a lot more upset about that revelation than Aaron.

I fell asleep holding tightly to his hand...what would I ever do without him? What will it be like when the man I think can do everything starts to wear down...slow down...?

Slow down.

I fell asleep, asking God, although I knew it was in vain...to just slow this whole darn thing down.

I can't shake these new thoughts...about the elderly...their lives, such treasures, and yet mostly unappreciated and no longer valued...certainly misunderstood.

Last night, as Aaron was singing during Lord's Supper, I watched him...strumming...singing...

I thought of him as an old man...so precious, so kind....such a sweet servant, and how hard it would be for him to not "do" all the things he does. What is his hair going to do?

I thought of how much he would want people in his life...around him, but how shy he would be to make that happen if it was just him...a little old man, alone.

I thought of how he has to have a few things a certain way...always...how special his trinkets are to him...his little routines...

What would it be like for us not to be able to take care of each other...sleep in the same bed...in the same room...on the same floor?

Hot tears again...down my face...

Ashton kept looking up at me and saying, "Why are you sad, Mom?"

I wished I could have said "Because of what Jesus did for me on the cross."

I did eventually get to that...and loved the Lord's Supper...but I was crying, in that moment because I was thinking of Aaron as an old person. I sat with that tiny cracker in my hand and thanked God that there is more than this...this place where everything breaks down and dies...I thanked him for life, and that no matter what our bodies say today or many todays for now, there is a part of me...of Aaron...of my children that will live...forever.

As I chewed that chalky bit of bread, I told God I'm sorry for not valuing the elderly and teaching my kids to do so as well.

This movie moved me.

Up moved me so much, I got UP this morning, loaded all four children into the car, and we went to the nursing home down the street.

To be continued...

8 comments:

Jenny said...

Heather....

I took 2 of my girls to see Up on Sunday, my birthday. I cried too....It was so unexpected, I just wasn't prepared. I just wanted you to know you were not alone. I kept thinking...SERIOUSLY??? I loved the movie though...it did redeem itself with lots of humor. One of my friends reminded me that Pixar does this often with a dramatic beginning to their movie. Rememer in Toy Story 2 when the girl doll gets dumped b/c her "owner" gets older and doesn't want her anymore? So sad!

Matt and Sarah Pitts said...

I was engaged when I watched the movie "The Notebook" and SOBBED for 30 minutes afterward saying, "Matt is going to get alzheimer's and die! (sob sob sob)" I hate that movie.

On another note, how precious that you love senior adults now! Aren't they the best?!

Sarah

Jana said...

ok Heather....I now have HOT TEARS streaming down MY FACE!!!!! I know what you mean...I feel like I DO trust in GOD so much and I KNOW this is all a NATURAL process- BUT, I AM NOT READY!!!!! I am so sad at times that it is going so FAST!!!!! Love you and love your blog!!!!

Chrystal Sturm said...

Heather - I'm trying to link your amazing post to my Facebook status {"Two thumbs way up for UP!"} but somehow there is not a title to click on.

I took my 4 year old to the film this morning and absolutely loved it! Before I read your post so I was completely unprepared for the rivers of tears running from my cheeks! I was really touched by how moved you were and want to share w/my friends, if that's ok w/you.

Any way you can add a title to the post?

Thanks!
Chrystal

Hendrick Family said...

Oops Crystal! I guess I forgot about the title.

Heather

Chrystal Sturm said...

Perfect title :)

Gwynie Pie said...

Oh my word !! I laughed hysterically at you and your kids at the nursing home. I also had 1 of those kids that blurted out all manner of stuff. I was always braced for the next thing he was gonna say to someone. And ready to apologize or run, whatever. Too funny! But then, I ended up crying cause you just spoke the truth about getting old. My husband and I are just 57,and married for 37 of those. We so don't want to "get old"...we just want to live right up til we leave to live with Him, ya know? To really live! To live well! We too love B/CS area. My hus. worked at NeutralPosture Ergonomics on N.6th for a while and we loved it all! One son graduated aTm and the other still lives in Bryan. Okay--love your blog....I'll be a regular visitor. Thanks!
Gwyn Rosser @ The Pink Tractor
http://www.gwynrosser.blogspot.com

cristina said...

this made me think of you...i'd seen the youtube video before, but this post also links to an interview with the couple.

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2009/06/think-how-they-made-walls-sing.html

also found something i'll scan and send your way...