Friday, October 03, 2008

Finger Lickin' Fun

Here's a flashback post from May 24, 2007. But, there's a game at the bottom of this post to play today!

Do you know what it’s like growing up stinking at sports?

Well I do.

Because I really stink at them.

Except for kick ball.

I was so good at that game, I have vivid memories of being the first person picked by the team captains…heck…I was so good at kick ball, I usually WAS the team captain.

So I guess up until about fourth grade, I rocked at sports.

Except for that awful part of PE every year when they make you do as many pull ups as you can in one minute.

I never could do one.

Not one.


I was sure there was something medically wrong with my arms...or really my arm pits, because that's where it hurt. I’m also pretty sure I lied to everyone and told them that was the case, since my inability to do anything but plummet to the ground when the coach blew on her whistle was mortifying to me.

I remember being in about eighth grade, well into the years of feeling horrible because I had no athletic skills, daydreaming about starting a marketing campaign to bring back kick ball in junior high.

This was right after I went from the A team in volleyball to the B team and then to the C team all in one week. I began fantasizing about kick ball coming back after the jr. high coach told me, upon demoting me three times in one week, that I got on the A team because I looked athletic and I was good friends with all the A team girls, but that I really needed some practice and determination if I was going to climb the volleyball ladder.

It hurt at the time, but now I know that she-man guy lady was a prophet. She was just predicting a life as an actress…someone who could look the part and play the part…just not hit a real ball over a real net.

How could I make kick ball a junior high thing?

I had lots of ideas.

I wanted to make posters of myself holding a kick ball, smiling with my colorful braces, lion mane hair, and scattered acne, giving a big thumbs up.

Under my picture would read:

Kick Ball
It’s for
Kool Kids


Kick Ball
Not Just for Kindergarten

I tried to figure out which celebrities I should write to who would help me usher in the kick ball madness in my middle school.

I was a big fan of writing celebrities at that age, because when the TV people quit showing Private Benjamin, I got so upset about it I told one of my teachers, and she told me to write to the show, sharing my disappointment. They sent me a big picture of Goldie Hawn and told me they were sorry, but now Ghostbusters, the cartoon, would be coming on every day at the time when I normally ate jalapeƱo chips and watched that mean lady yell at funny Private Benjamin. Private Benjamin was my hero because she stunk at things like sweating and running.

Maybe funny Private Benjamin would hold a kick ball and smile on my poster. This could work.

No wonder I don’t know when to use me or I in sentences. I’m sure my teachers taught me…unfortunately, I was starting kick ball revolutions in my mind.

But you know what I was wicked good at growing up?




Unfortunately, having mean typing skills is not something public schools celebrate or applaud. I never got to be voted, "Most Likely to Become a Transcriptionist or a Court Reporter." Maybe that's why we homeschool. I'm sure that's what I would find out if I went to counseling.

When girls would make laps around me on the track…and I mean, even the big girls ran circles around me…it was all I could do to keep myself from shouting, “Yeah…so…I can keyboard! And I don't mean keyboard as in the cool music one...I mean the computer one!”

When girls would spike volleyballs towards me and I would run out of the way, never ever considering that I should run towards that fast moving object, instead of away from it, I wanted to yell back at the coach standing on the side lines, “Stop screaming at me! Maybe I stink at this…but I can type fast!”

When I hit 8 people in a row because everyone who could pitch on my softball team was absent, to cheer myself up as I walked off the field, I kept saying, “Maybe you can’t throw a ball straight…but come on…no one can do Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing like you can, Heather. NO ONE!”

If the world only knew.

I’m sure it was wrong to daydream about a terrorist taking over my school, and the only reason why we all got to see our parents and eat pizza again was because I could type crazy fast letters to the outside world before the gunmen came back into the room where we were being held hostage. I’m sure it was wrong to imagine all the popular athletes hugging me and thanking God for my fast fingers.

It might not have been wrong, but it was definitely cheesy, to imagine my story of saving my school with my computer clickety-clacking skills being made into a movie…and having the credits at the end of the movie rolling over a picture of me, holding out my amazing, swift typing hands. The girl who would play me in the movie would have pretty hands...because mine look like a short granny's hands.

One time, on a college paper, I wrote at the top:

I should get extra credit because not only is this a great paper, I also typed it very fast. The professor added a point. No joke.

Because of my love of keyboarding, I have gotten my older boys addicted to this site:

Free Typing Games

We have competitions. What I really want to do is have people over for a typing tournament complete with a bracket up on a dry erase board. No one seems as excited about this as I do though.

If you are bored today and want to take us on, then bring it sucka!

Go here. Take test #26 Classic Tales.

Then tell us your high score.

Mine is 93 words per minute.

Every time I get in the 90's I do the Turk Dance:


Ryan Price said...

Apparently my internet connectivity is too slow to keep up with my amazingly speedy typing skills. The program keeps stalling and then it will catch up real fast. STUPID! Therefore, my score (which is completely inaccurate) only sums up to about 60. CLEARLY, it should be in the triple digits though!

Teresa said...

I got 90! :)

The Lourceys said...

We're twins! I was the same way, no good at sports but the fastest typer around. I couldn't get any higher than 91 but I'm gonna keep trying. I'm SO used to putting 2 spaces between sentences...I'm embarrassed to say that I made a 52 the first time I took it because of that.

Hendrick Family said...

I know! The one space instead of two spaces kills me on that test. Why is it like that? Did the rules change?


Hendrick Family said...

99! I'm dancing in the kitchen!! Now I just have to hit 100. Could someone come over and watch my kids today?

Kari said...

Hi Heather,
You don't know me, but I went to LH while I was still a student and found your blog through someone else. Anyway, I too was never good at athletics - not even kickball. However, my teacher did tell me that I was the fastest typer he knew. Mavis Beacon is a good teacher! I got 111 on the test, Just thought I'd share. And I love your blog!

Hendrick Family said...

Woo-who! I just got 101!

Nice to meet you, Kari! Now I'm not going to sleep until I beat 111. Man!


D.O. said...

Dang it Heather... I got 95 and was all proud until I read the comments... I'm off to beat you in a bad way (or at least try to).

[This comment, the word verification, name, and URL were typed in 3 seconds]

D.O. said...


Hendrick Family said...

107! Dang that dash!

The Lourceys said...

Heather, you will never believe!!! My genius husband Rob went to take the test and saw a little check box in the bottom left hand corner of the screen that says "2 spaces after period." You can choose to put 2 spaces instead of 1! Now you'll definitely be able to beat 111.

Anonymous said...

I am kinda feeling sick. I will not take the test! I do type for a living doing medical transcription and I would be ashamed to tell my score! I wish I could type like you guys. Congrats! Melissa Spiller

The Floyds said...

I only got 76. :(


Momma (a.k.a Jennifer) said...

I'm anxious about taking the test....I have a baby on the boob (literally) right at the moment and I certainly don't want to hinder my score from the get-go! Thanks for the blog post...I'm glad someone else takes pride in the fact that they're speedy on the keyboard...the computer one! Keep on keepin' your blog!

theBirkenfelds said...

94 wpm.. no errors. I did a little bit of that praise 'booty' dancin' I was telling you about.

Oh yeah, and be waiting for a post from Brock because he is now bound and determined to get his 64 wpm up and beat me. :)

theBirkenfelds said...

Darn.. Brock did beat me with 100 but I got up to 96.. Heather, what have you now started in this home? Lol.

Hendrick Family said...

I know! I almost ruined Anson's BD party yesterday getting carpal tunnel syndrome.

I have forearm cramps today!


I have to take some time off and recover, but then I'm coming back and beating D.O. I'm so sick of that dumb cobbler and his leather shoes!


Anonymous said...

I have tried multiple times... and I have scored a consistent 64... I stink... part of it is because I backspace if I mess up because I don't want to have any errors... but MOST of it is I just stink at keyboarding. We had to type at least 30 wpm to pass computers in 8th grade... and it took me forever to pass that test. I had to practice after school in order to type well enough to pass that class. Anyways, I am totally okay with stinking at typing since sports are my thing. You keyboard superstars are AMAZING! I can't even imagine over 100 wpm!


Sydni said...

I only got 46 at the most.... I am only 11 though!


D.O. said...

Once upon a time there was an honest shoemaker...

114. No lie.

I'm posting this in my parts as we speak.