Monday, September 08, 2008

Will I Ever Get my Groove Back?

Want to know what happens when you go from running three miles, three times a week to running...well....not at all for almost three months...and decide to start running again?

You almost die.

That's right.

Ya almost die.

I was literally picking the house on each street that would be best to die in front for pictures that is.

Aint gonna lie.

It's all about the pictures to me.

Creative Memories ruined me that way.

Houses got extra points on my death scale if they had American flags and nice landscaping.

I decided I would like to die in front of a house with Caladiams.*

Months ago, I lived for the days when Lance Armstrong would come on my running deal and say something like...

"This is Lance Armstrong...way to go...that was your longest run yet. Keep up the good work."

I would get all shy and bashful and junk.

When I got finished today, I looked down at my awful time and was surprised Lance didn't come on and say...

"What did ya expect fatty?"

That's when I would have said...

"I have a newborn ya jerk...and, Cheryl Crow is on my, na, na, na boo boo, stick your head in sweaty bicycle shorts."

That was the end of my imaginary argument with Lance Armstrong.

Our tense, made up exchange came to an abrupt halt when I saw a sprinkler going.

Did I mention it was hot when I was lava hot.

I ran through a stranger's sprinkler as this thought ran through my head...

"I hope this isn't one of those sprinklers that shoot out doo-doo.**"

That's when I decided it wouldn't matter what house I died in front of if I died with a stranger's doo-doo on me. Caladiams would not improve that picture.

It was a brutal run.

Instead of feeling invigorated right now, like I normally do thirty minutes after a run, I feel like I have the flu.

My face is still red.


*One time, I was landscaping the front yard and asked Aaron to pick me up some Chlamydia from Lowes. He said you don't get Chlamydia from Lowes.

**This is not going to be a blog all about homeschooling, or all about doo-doo. It just seems like it lately. Sorry.


Landreneau Family said...

I can so relate. Thirty minutes ago, I finished my 50 minute fat-burning pilates workout. I haven't done it in months, and I might never do it again.


Anonymous said...

ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was laughing so hard at this! I slacked off on my running recently. I ran twice in two weeks. And then I DIED when I decided it was time to hit it hard again. I couldn't believe how much ground I'd lost in two weeks. Girl, you're out running much sooner than I was after our last newborn, so I'm proud of you!!!

Mark's trainer - who he calls Dr. Pain - and is really the lovely Rachel Aaron at church - did a work out with both of us last Friday so she could show me some new stuff. It was so fun! Remind me to tell you about it.

So glad they don't sell chlamydia at Lowe's. So glad.


The Knowles Family said...

So, I'm sitting in my own sweaty workout clothes and downing water like no tomorrow. You see, I, myself, decided that today would be THE day to start working out again. I did one of those high-energy videos with the smiley blondes that tell you how great you are doing, when in fact, I was gasping for air! Yeah, I didn't make it to the end of the tape, and would've loved to have a sprinkler to run in--doo doo or not. I feel your pain---and will be feeling the same pain you'll have tomorrow!

praynlady said...

Being disabled, I long for the time when I can get out there and run, so for now, I live vicariously through my sisters and their spouses and children that are willed and willing and able to run. They will run the marathon in Houston. I'm going to ask one of them to put my name somewhere on their jersey/shirt so that I can say I ran with them. Hmm...maybe I should go buy some new running shoes...

this was awesome and hysterical. I am concerned about you being ok to run through a doodoo sprinkler though.....

marylou said...

at least you still have your wonderful sense of humor! thanks for the laugh. ily.

pbmciver said...

Ouch...that is so funny, lol - thanks for the laugh.

I recently started walking Edelweiss park and thankfully it is not too far from my house. But, the first day I started walking I thought I would never make it back home as my legs were killing me and every step it took was like walking a mile.

Anonymous said...

awwww... I totally thought about how I miss running with you while I was eating lunch at your house today.

You will get back to where you are not thinking about dying while you are running... it will just be a little rough until then... but you will get there!

I just ran two miles... but I went by myself in my neighborhood and it was getting dark... so I was pretty much scared the whole time... you would be suprised how fast you can run if you are afraid the whole time. I ran the fastest two miles of my life.

Anyways... hang in there... your running will come back to you... and most likely so will Lance Armstrong on your little i-pod thing... :)


D.O. said...

Did Lance say anything in your imaginary conversations about how "Heather" and "heavier" are one in the same in T9 speak?

I hope you slapped him if he did.