Monday, September 08, 2008
Will I Ever Get my Groove Back?
Want to know what happens when you go from running three miles, three times a week to running...well....not at all for almost three months...and THEN...you decide to start running again?
You almost die.
Ya almost die.
I was literally picking the house on each street that would be best to die in front of...best for pictures that is.
Aint gonna lie.
It's all about the pictures to me.
Creative Memories ruined me that way.
Houses got extra points on my death scale if they had American flags and nice landscaping.
I decided I would like to die in front of a house with Caladiams.*
Months ago, I lived for the days when Lance Armstrong would come on my running deal and say something like...
"This is Lance Armstrong...way to go...that was your longest run yet. Keep up the good work."
I would get all shy and bashful and junk.
When I got finished today, I looked down at my awful time and was surprised Lance didn't come on and say...
"What did ya expect fatty?"
That's when I would have said...
"I have a newborn ya jerk...and, Cheryl Crow is on my ipod...na, na, na, na boo boo, stick your head in sweaty bicycle shorts."
That was the end of my imaginary argument with Lance Armstrong.
Our tense, made up exchange came to an abrupt halt when I saw a sprinkler going.
Did I mention it was hot when I was running...like lava hot.
I ran through a stranger's sprinkler as this thought ran through my head...
"I hope this isn't one of those sprinklers that shoot out doo-doo.**"
That's when I decided it wouldn't matter what house I died in front of if I died with a stranger's doo-doo on me. Caladiams would not improve that picture.
It was a brutal run.
Instead of feeling invigorated right now, like I normally do thirty minutes after a run, I feel like I have the flu.
My face is still red.
*One time, I was landscaping the front yard and asked Aaron to pick me up some Chlamydia from Lowes. He said you don't get Chlamydia from Lowes.
**This is not going to be a blog all about homeschooling, or all about doo-doo. It just seems like it lately. Sorry.