Friday, August 29, 2008

Come can tell us


If I had a dollar for how many times I've heard this phrase in a house filled with boys....

"I thought it was just a toot mom....but it was poop."

I'd be rich enough to throw their pooped in underwear in the trash and buy new ones.

We would be able to afford disposable underwear.

No matter what, someone pooing in their pants is funny.

I try to be annoyed with the boys when they underestimate their toots, but come on...once you have passed up the time when it's acceptable to poop in your pants, and then you do's funny.

Admit it.

What's even funnier is that when you do poop your pants, what you do AFTER or BEFORE it happens is the funniest part.

In such a state of panic and terror, people do hilarious things to try to stop it or hide it.

I'm laughing thinking of the poop in your pants stories I know of from friends.

So, I was thinking...

I think it's about time that we all came together and shared our poop in our pants stories.

You can post anonymously.

I don't mind.

But let's share.

This is something we've all done.

Well...actually, Aaron and D.O. are sitting here, and I just said...

"Have you ever pooped in your pants?"

They said they haven't.

Then they thought about it and changed their tune a little.

Well...maybe they have, but just a little bit.

Then D.O. said, "Why are you asking me? Did you just poop your pants?"

No...I didn't.

But they thought that maybe, since I was getting internet for the first time in a million years, that I had pooped my pants, but was so engrossed in my blog writing that I was going to sit in it.

That's not the case.

I didn't poop my pants writing this post.

I don't even kind of need to go.

But I want to hear your poop stories...anonymously, if you need to...that's understandable.

I'll tell mine in the comment section.

My boys need to hear it. They need to know they are not the only nastys.

Pooping in your pants is not just for little boys.


Hendrick Family said...

The time was fourth grade.

I was with a friend and her family at a nursery.

Not a nursery where old ladies watch babies.

That would have been convenient. There would have been short potties I could have used...wet wipes, and maybe even a diaper I could have borrowed.

Oh no...

An outdoor nursery where you buy plants.

The girl and I were playing hide and go seek while here parents shopped.

I was hiding.

I thought it was just a toot, but it was poop.

I pooped my pants with people I hardly knew.

I was nowhere near a bathroom.

The nursery was OUTSIDE.

So, I ran quickly, with a poo puddle in my panties over to a bushier hiding spot.

There, I removed my undergarments and left them in the bush.

I wiped with a large leaf.

I remember being SUPER sweaty, HIGHLY stressed out and mortified.

But, no one ever knew. one knew then.

Now everyone knows.

I was sweating all the way home.

I was hoping I wasn't stinking the family's car up.

Life is so strange.

So strange.

This post was inspired by one of our children tonight who walked in the house and uttered the oh so common phrase...

I thought it was a toot mom, but actually it was poop.

That same child sat and wrote a song on the piano about his experience. Very funny.

This house is pretty strange too...

pretty strange.

The Wakefields said...

wow. i love post like these. my story is a bit lengthy to fit within the confines of a comment, however i just emailed a copy of quite possibly the most intriguing poop story ever to many of you who read this blog. heather, check your email, you'll see it there. and if anyone didn't get it and would like, just email us and ill send it to you.
this made us laugh... hard!

thoughtsbyryan said...

2nd grade.

All I remember was sitting in the middle of Mrs. Ladicker's classroom at my desk with an awkward look on my face for a really long time with a really squishy rear. I can't remember at what point I actually "came clean" if you will... but at some point I just could handle sitting there trying to hide the obvious. The rest is just a blur now though.

I'm sure there were other times that a story like this occurred in my life... probably more recent as well... but I think this is all I'm willing to share right now.

I also think this is a perfect time for a certain Jason Kramer to share a story or two regarding spots in which he chose to relieve himself.

Also... welcome back to town D.O. maybe I'll see ya at some point.

pbmciver said...

I don't have any poop stories myself, but I have a son who I could write a book on, lol. Now, I do have a pee story from kindergarten. I thought I had the most beautiful and sweetest kindergarten teacher, that is until I had to go potty in class one day. I asked her if I could go potty but she wouldn't let me. Now, I was in kindergarten - it isn't like I was going to skip class, I mean HELLO, lol. And, back then they didn't have potty's in the classroom (that is so not fair, lol). I still can remember sitting there trying to hold back my tears and my pee from flowing - you know when you are all huddled around the teacher while she reads a book? Well, the pee won out and I pee'd all over myself righ there in class with all the kids to see. I was very embarrassed and I can still remember the kids laughing at me. But, to make matters worse - back then you didn't bring your own clothes to school to wear home in case of an accident. Nope, the school had a fine assortment of clothes to choose from. I remember those pants like a bad horror story. They were these ugly plaid polyester pants - something that I would have never been caught in and they were even too short so they really looked stupid. And, to top it off I had to carry this huge brown sack with my soiled clothes inside like it was an advertisement of what I had done. I did feel a little satisfaction when my mother tore into the teacher because I felt it was her fault for not letting me go to the restroom. From that day on though I didn't think she was so pretty anymore! I don't think I will ever forget this incident - I still even remember her name - Mrs. Lambert. Funny how my memory is going at 40 and I forget lots of stuff, but I can still recall her name, lol.

Now, I do have a poop story about Brittany. When she was little she actually wanted to be a dog and would walk and even manage to run on all fours. Don't know how she did it but she did. She still has callused hands from doing so all those years, lol. Anyway, we were camping one day and she did a poop outside like a dog but what is funny is our friend caught it on video. But, what is even funnier when we were camping with other friends she was barking inside our tent. Someone asked where the dog was. I just slid down and quietly slipped out and went to her and told her to stop barking.

Jenny C. said...

Although I have no poop stories to share, but I wish I did because I think they are very funny. I emailed our friend who has excessive poop stories and told him to post all of them. He actually has so many that we told him he should get published and call it "101 poop stories." What a great bathroom read that would be!

Garratts said...

I honestly have never pooped my pants that I can remember.

But I know someone who has. I will let you guess.

He was about 13 and he was warming up for a little league game. They were taking some warm up laps when he thought that if he tooted that would ignite him and make him run faster.

So he tooted and it did not do what he wanted it to do, but he did poo all in his white baseball pants.

That is just one story with this person. There are too many to tell.

Charlie, Kirby, and Asher said...

I wish that I could say that I was in the 4th grade! Shoot! I think this was either just before or just after I got married!!

I was driving around North Bryan for something. I don't remember anymore, but I remember that, for some reason, I was supposed to meet my dad in the Longhorn Tavern parking lot and get something from him.

I remember being totally miserable while driving around -- also, sweating. While waiting in the lot, it was inevitable -- I had to toot.

BUT toot it wasn't -- poop it was. But of course, as soon as you realize this, you don't let very much out.

The sweat ensued. I didn't know what to do. How long could I sit (or hover as I was) in this? How long until my Dad got here?

Well, as quickly as possible, I stripped from the waste down inside my car in the Longhorn parking lot. I wiped with the remaining unsoiled parts of my boxers, redressed, and drove over to the dumpster ridding myself of the evidence.

I quickly put on a smile and met my Dad not long after. Kirby is the only one that I'm sure that knows of this story. Maybe the Garratts...we end up talking about weird poop-type stories a lot.

I was excited about this post...finally out and free!


BrunerAbroad said...

My junior or senior year at A&M I got food poisoning and thus, lots of bodily fluids exited my body in not-so-fun ways. After that bout with food poisoning, I couldn't seem to hold things in for months, and every time I needed to toot I had to be careful and often found myself running to the bathroom to check my undies. But at night I was often asleep when it happened, so I pooed my pants in bed a few times and made the mistake of telling my roommates. So one time, my roommate saw my wrapped up underwear in the bathroom trashcan and came running out saying, "Laura, did you shart again???" They didn't let me live it down for quite some time!

I hope "shart" isn't an inappropriate word for this blog!

Jeanie said...

I'm going to tell my aunt's poop story because it is my favorite. Aunt Georgia and her family were headed home from the family reunion. She started having some really bad cramps (probably the potatoe salad.) She told my uncle to pull over at the first store he saw, but he didn't. She became hysterical so he found a convenience store and pulled in. She made a mad dash for the bathroom but only made it just inside the door before she had a blow out. She stared crying and her husband and grown children ran back to the car. The clerk thought she was mentally handicapped and called the police. Now at any family event someone always shows up with a depends for Aunt Georgia.

By the way, when Aunt Georgia first told us this story, my Aunt Kathy laughed so hard she wet her pants, which is a whole other story in itself.

Molly said...

We refer to this as "I gambled and lost" in our house! Heather, you could not be more right about the decision making as an adult before the toot and then the thoughts and panick after you know just "lost". Wish I had something funny to share. Not that I haven't ever "lost" but it just wasn't funny. Growing up with 3 sisters, my mom was always mortified when we tooted and it was audible. If it sounded "wet" my dad would holler to embarrass us, "Do you need a kleenex? I think you need to check your pants!" Still makes me laugh so hard I tear up! I needed a good laugh and I thank you all for sharing your funny stories.

praynlady said...

I have read and laughed hysterically at not only your blog but the comments that followed. I cannot think of just one episode that I could share but I will tell you about a camping trip incident with one of my nephews. We are from South Texas and we use a vocabulary (I saw someone above used it as well)....SHART....the true definition of this word is the identifying marks, left in ones drawers after attempting a fart that became a shi....ok, so there you have it...a shart... now the story...
Every year my d.h. and I try to take all our nephews camping for a week at the lake. One such trip, one of the younger nephews was having shart problems and it was becoming more irritating to me because I was continually washing out his swim trunks. Finally, it all came to a head when I informed him that "from this moment on, you are responsible for anything that comes out of there...and sticks onto there....! I want no more streakers to clean up.!" Ok, he said remorsefully...Furthermore, I told him, DO NOT FART again....if this is what happens, then if you feel one coming, go to the bathroom, hold it in or wait until you can release it normally! Ok, this is where it gets interesting...he took that to heart...we took the boat out across the lake and were in our favorite swimming hole with about 14 of us all total when one of the older nephews comes to me hysterically laughing (in tears) and says that "the sharter" had released a floater "normally" as I had requested. He said to tell you that he didn't leave any marks in his trunks that he'd have to wash out, but what did he do with the floater?" To which I replied, "swim the other way....FAST"!

Nichole said...

oh I am an expert in this area!

So one day like a month ago (yep I just said that) I was at work, you know at fit for kids, where all the cool kids poop thier pants and I started feeling...not so good. I was checking out a line of parents and out of NO WHERE I pooped my pants...I didn't toot..I didn't push..I didn't know it was coming so I didn't squeez, it just came out. So I stood VERY still untill another teacher walked by and had them come stand in the class, I went and got a bag that we put kids dirty clothes in and I changed.. it was awful.

Also a fun story. Mary and I go to the bathroom together a lot...its not crazy we just keep eachother company. So we are in the mess hall at preteen camp and Mary has to go. She says come on Nichole and I get up and follow. We get to the bathroom and its just for one person, but we decide to go together anyway..I mean its just like at home. So Mary uses it, and then I use it and we had been in there for a while! So we go to walk out of the bathroom and one of the ladies runing the camp was standing outside waiting to use the bathroom. Mary walked out first and lady just smiled and said hello then I walked out and the lady looked like she wanted to DIE! I thought they were going to kick us out of the camp!

I could go for days!

Hendrick Family said...


you girls win the disgusting award BY FAR!

What is wrong with you??

I think people need to poo alone.

When I see you next, be prepared to shake my finger in your face and say...

"That is SICK!!"


Nichole said...

really I win????

If I weren't tucked away in my bed I might be jumping up and down! I want a shirt that says...

I won the poop story contest

someday you should ask about pee stories, I got way more of those and you would understand why my car smells so funny when it gets real hot outside.

Rachel said...

This is a little late, but I also have a story, but an excuse--I was on a mission trip in Nepal and had intestinal worms. I was reading in my flat when I thought, "Wow, that was the warmest toot I've ever felt... 98.6 degrees is no joke... man, that was warm..." Then I realized that the diarrhea I've been having from these worms just came out without warning, and, boy, did it. I threw away my underwear AND my shorts that day.

But that is the ONLY time that has ever happened to me, and yes, I was de-wormed upon entry to the good old U.S.A.

Anonymous said...

Who'd ever thought that a pooping-yer-pants story could nearly choke me up? Most of you know who I am, but I'm keeping this "anon" because it's a painful subject for me, as odd as that might sound. This sort of thing would occasionally happen to me as a kid. No, I wasn't beaten for it, but I was so berated as a "lazy little diaper boy" by my mother that I would wash my underwear in the sink (as a first or second grader) rather than face the humiliation. Thank God for parents that see the humor in it, and God grant me the same loving grace with my kids.

Just when I think I've unloaded all the baggage of childhood, another suitcase shows up ...