Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Time is Ticking Away...Thank Goodness for Email



Oh snap...

This is awesome.

Ryan Price is home from Malawi and in my living room telling me about oh so wonderful things on the internet.

We've missed the boy.

Ryan told us about this website...

You've Been Left Behind

Here's what they say...

We have set up a system to send documents by email, to the addresses you provide, 6 days after the "Rapture" of the Church. This occurs when 3 of our 5 team members scattered around the U.S fail to log in over a 3 day period. Another 3 days are given to fail safe any false triggering of the system.

Basically...

You send this company all the names and email addresses of the people you think are lost.

When the rapture takes place, an email goes out to your friends and family who were left behind.

For a mere 40 bucks a month, they keep all your email addresses of people you think are lost and letters you wrote for each one of them. When Jesus comes back, this company sends those letters to the email addresses.

I know the rapture is no laughing matter...but this...this is a laughing matter.

I had some questions.

Who sends the email once the rapture happens? Do they have someone working for them that has agreed to never like God? Never. Not ever. Not even during Christmas. Is that how someone will for sure be available to send out the emails once the saved people peace out and meet Jesus in the sky?

No.

That's not how it works. That would be silly.

Instead, they have five FOR SURE, LEGIT* Christians working for them. If three of them fail to log in one day, that means the rapture took place and wham...your emails go out to the family you think will be left behind after the rapture.

So then I asked the next obvious question...

What happens if there's a glitch...and all your emails go out BEFORE the rapture takes place?

I didn't think anything could make family reunions more awkward...but wow...this could do it.

Once I had an answering machine message** that said...

Hi, you've reached Aaron and Heather Hendrick. We're not home right now, so please leave a message and we'll call you back later. And oh...if the rapture has taken place, will someone please come let out our dog, cause she's going to pee all over the floor if you don't, and I'm sorry you didn't go to heaven.

I can't believe I didn't take it to the next level and create the you've been left behind website.

Visionary is definitely not one of my gifts.




*Oh please...please...could we all just brainstorm the criteria behind making FOR SURE that the five team members are FOR SURE Christians?

I imagine the interview process to go something like this...

Do you have the prayer of Jabez framed somewhere in your house?

Yes.

Do you have a daddy fish, a mama fish and a tiny mini fish for every child in your family on the back of your mini van?

Yes.

Do you ever listen to any secular music?

Well...not usually...but when I'm in a restaurant, if The Eagles come on...I can't help but sing along...but only in my head.

NEXT!

**In addition to an answering machine, I also had dogs. Gross. It ranks right up there with smoking on my list of things I did when I was younger that I regret. One day, those dogs got out, and I waited 24 hours before telling Aaron. I wanted them LONG GONE before he could look for them. After having babies, dogs turn into...dogs. Ew. I'm not expecting everyone to share my dislike of things that lick you...but for my complete thoughts on dogs, go here.

5 comments:

Matt and Sarah Pitts said...

Heather, I share your complete dislike of dogs. Complete. Utter. Dislike.

Jessica said...

I heard about this email program on the website.

It's actually pretty interesting. It send emails with the gospel and extensive "end times" information as well as bank account codes, etc. because if no one has access to all "raptured people's" money than the government will just get it all.

I suppose if you have friends or family that aren't saved they'd be pretty fascinated if when you "poof" disappeared they received an explanation for your disappearance, THE TRUTH, and directions to LOTS OF MONEY.

Interesting.

emily said...

wow.

i am laughing so hard in my cute mexican school--and now i just had to explain why to everyone in the room.

thanks for sharing this :)

and thank you ryan price as well :)

can't wait to see you soon!
-em

Nichole said...

I wasn't sure at the begining of your post if you were for or against this idea.. I was a little worried about you!

while we are on the same page about the email thing, I have to speak up for my furry friends. I like all dogs..yep all of them, fancy fu fu dogs, dirty stray dogs, mean dogs on chains (I love to try to pet these), all dogs, I do not discriminate

Kathryn, Michael & Alex said...

I am not sure, but I think that when Jesus comes out of the sky the electricity will probably go out and we won't have email.

Just a guess.