Monday, February 18, 2008

Happy President's Day



I wonder if people say, "Happy President's Day" when they see the President today.

Does George get to eat cake today? Does it have candles? Or money stuck in it? Or fireworks?

Do you say, "Happy President's Day" to someone who used to be the President, but now they aren't? Did Barbara kiss Old George on the cheek this morning and say, "Happy Presidents Day, Sweetie." I hope she did. I love that lady. When I see her, I look at my hands and imagine what I'll look like when I'm old. Then I rub my hands and imagine they have liver spots. I do.

I think, if you get an extra Happy Day every year, then that might make more people want to run for President. No wonder after four years in office, Presidents all want to be re-elected. Who would want to give up that extra Happy Day filled with balloons and cake? Not me.

Since I don't know any United States Presidents (in real life), this post is dedicated to two other people on this Monday holiday.

1. Blaire Blanchette, President of ASC

She's the only President I know. Happy President's Day, Blaire! I think you should have cake and demand that your roommates sing a Happy President Day Song to you.

2. Everyone who ever ran for Student Council President and won (oh, what the heck, I dedicate this post to anyone who has ever been the President of anything).

I ran for Student Council Treasurer in fourth grade.

I won because my mom made me cool posters and little umbrella papers to hand out to everyone that said, "Whatever the Weather, Vote for Heather."

It shouldn't surprise anyone that I became treasurer since we all know I grew up to adore math and money...and weather.

I'm pretty sure I also won because I probably said something like this in my speech...

"Vote for me, because if you do, I'll get our actual music teacher fired and get Cindi Lauper hired."

Our music teacher was named Mrs. I have no idea how to spell her name, but it was pronounced, Quay-are. She was a white lady, that for some reason painted her face even whiter like Mulan (in the scene where Mulan is trying to get married). Mrs. Quayare also made us sit on the edge of our seats, stiff as boards. She would perch on a tall stool in the middle of the room, stone faced, sort of like a gargoyle. Then she would take out her metal pitch fork, slap it in the palm of her hand (her hands were shades darker than her face...I'm tellin' ya...weird) then put that metal witches wand up to her ear, listen and proceed to pick children at random to sing this too...

"Good Morning Jessica."

That's when poor Jessica had to SING back to Mrs. Quayare, "Good Morning, Mrs. Quayare" in front of the boy who could run the fastest in our grade, and the girl with the straightest, blackest hair in all of Harris County, plus the rest of us who wished we were either faster or had straighter hair.

I feel nauseous just typing this!

The whole sick, singing situation reminds me of that awful story, The Lottery, where, when you got picked, you had to die.

This was just like that.

It's a miracle I grew up to ever sing at all. I'm shocked I even hum.

In elementary school, I would imagine that white faced lady singing, "Good Morning, Heather" and me, opening my mouth, to sing beautifully back to her, but when I opened my mouth...in my imagination, vomit always came out instead of singing.

In real life, I was sweaty every day in music class, because I knew my time was coming.

One day, her bright, red lips stuck on that sheet rock plaster she called a face, were going to sing my name.

My day did come.

Twice that year.

And both times, after it was over, I remember feeling like I had the flu.

My brother had Mrs. Quayare too.

As an adult, I have always thought it would be so funny to drug him, and then wake him up and me be dressed like Mrs. Quayare. I'm sure as soon as he saw my face covered with Elmer's glue and my miniature pitch fork, Jason would sit straight up on the edge of his chair and start sweating. Mrs. Quayare had us trained like dogs.

One of my favorite elementary school memories has to do with that pitchfork.

I was on my way to the bathroom, by myself. When I got this rare treat, I took full advantage of it. I touched the walls....the floor...got a drink...skipped, did a cart wheel, opened janitor closets and looked inside...(these were all the things I wanted to do every day, but would get in trouble for if I didn't stay in line). I'll admit it was always a let down to open the janitor's closet and see it filled with ordinary things like throw up sand and brooms. I had imagined the janitor danced inside her closet and hid her boyfriend in there, so of course my made up janitor closet had a disco ball and a man smoking inside it. The real one didn't have either of those things. The janitor's closet was also NOT a warp zone to the skating rink. That was my second guess.

After getting a long drink, with no teacher saying, "Hurry, let's hurry," I walked past Mrs. Quayare's room. From the hallway, I could see her piano...and on her piano...holy doe a deer, a female deer...there sat the tuning fork, unsupervised by Mrs. Mulan.

I looked inside the room.

Mrs. Quayare was gone...or maybe she painted her whole body white and was camouflaged up against her white bulletin board.

I took the chance.

I walked in, and picked up the tuning fork.

It was cold and heavy.

I remember not expecting it to be either of those things.

I slapped it on my hand, held it to my ear and heard the noise I had been wanting to hear for two years...

It was awful.

For some reason, I had imagined there were people inside this witchy tool, that would sing when slapped.

No.

There was nothing but a ringing noise.

The noise I hate, that happens sometimes when I'm trying to sleep.

I put the heavy fork down, and ran out of the room accelerando.

I went back to class smiling.

Until I remembered the janitor's closet.

Then I went back to hating school.

So Happy President's Day.

Who has been a president of something?

Did you have a campaign slogan?

Tell us.

I want to laugh at you laughing at yourself.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are so funny. Sometimes I can't believe what comes out of that mind of yours .... so unique... so open. You and your blog often brighten my day.

Love you, Dad

Oh, Maci was President of the FFA. So I always tease her of being President of the Hog Farmers Association.

I had a meeting with a guy the other day. His business card said President & CEO (Bla Bla Bla). I later found out his company only had 3 people in it. I guess the other two did not qualify for CEO.

Garratts said...

I ran for class president in the
4th grade. I ran against John Green. He came from a really wealthy family.

So when he was campaigning he bought the whole class pizza and coke to try and get them to vote for him.

I had bought the whole class some pencils.

So of course I thought I was for sure going to lose. I went home crying to my mom and she just gave me the typical mom speech.

It doesn't matter who wins or loses blah blah blah.

So I went to school the next day to see the outcome and I actually won.

I guess it was a good thing he was a glue eater and would spit at you when he talked.

blaire blanchette said...

Ok, so I feel very loved.

I made it on the Hendrick blog...


that is definitely a check on my 'list of "to-do's" before graduation.

Sara just informed me and immediately sang "happy presidents day" to the tune of "happy birthday"

thanks for the kind wishes!

SaraEaker said...

Check. I sang Blaire Happy Presidents day. She smiled...thanks for bringing joy to my house.

Unfortunately, this post also reminded me how I ran for student council secretary in elementary school...and I lost. My slogan was "Don't be a Faker, Vote for Eaker" Apparently, everyone in elementary school is indeed a faker.

And I remember how they announced the winners over the school intercom...it was so embarrassing to lose.

I also think it is funny that you ran for treasurer and I ran for secretary...I hate writing and you hate math, we should have switched.

Can we start our own student council now.? I will be your treasurer!

Hendrick Family said...

Thanks Dad!

And...girls...you are making me laugh.

I think it's safe to say that everyone in elementary school is a faker, so don't worry, Sara.

I'm so glad Blaire got sung to today. Did you eat cake...or at least a kit kat?

And Ashley...one day, if you send Laynes to school for Reese's whole class during election time, I'm going to laugh. Never say never!

Heather

Hendrick Family said...

Aaron just told me he was president of chapter conducting.

But he said no one would know what that was.

I don't.

But I'm so proud of him for being President.

Next year, I'm waking him up on President's Day, kissing him on the cheek and saying, "Happy President's Day."

Yes I am.

And, Dad...if that guy could call himself the President of two people, then next year, Anson is running for student council president at the Hendrick Academy. His campaign slogan is going to be "Don't be a dipstick, vote for Anson Hendrick."

I'm going to give out fun dip to all his classmates. Or, I guess his slogan could be, "If you don't vote for your brother, you will get a spankin." That might work. I'm sure Hayden will write someone in on the ballot...someone like Rainbow Man.

This will be the best campaign ever.

And, now that I will have two presidents in my house, we will for sure need to eat cake on that day every year.

Heather

D.O. said...

I've never been president of anything, but I was captain of the Arlington Independent School District Men's Gymnastics Team (long title) for 3 consecutive years. I guess at the point when I was first given the title I was the oldest one (a sophomore). However I know I wasn't the oldest throughout the entirety of my reign. I guess Coach V just decided he couldn't later take away my leadership title. It was truly nothing more than a title, though my high school yearbooks will lead you to believe otherwise.

And I must give a commential shout-out to my elementary school music teacher, Mrs. Hall. She was my favorite teacher of all time. I'm going to give her an entire post soon. You've inspired me.

In closing, some thoughts on your post:

I don't care how many days they dedicate to me, I do not want to be President.

Elmer's glue dries clear.

I once had a music teacher tell me that if you hit a tuning fork then bit the single-prodded end, it would break your teeth. I never tried.

The Kramer Family said...

Oh gracious! I think I'm peeing on myself.

Mainly because I get to hear,"Good morning, Mrs. Quayar," all of the time! Jason sings it to me often. It has become a staple for laughs in our home. When we want a random laugh, this is all that we have to sing to produce the laughter. How funny that you both still think of Mrs. Mulan often!

Now,"Good morning, Mrs. Quayar!" will extend over to your bunch and we can get even more kicks from this.

YOU HAVE TO HEAR YOUR BRO SING IT! THERE IS NOTHING IN THE WORLD LIKE IT!

I was Senior Class Vice President. I think I'm supposed to planning for our reunion or something right now. How do I even know? Are you supposed to be a self-initiator when it comes to planning the class reunion? Really. Help a sista out!

I also remember my 4th grade class president's slogan. "Vote for Duck, she'll QUACK you up." Her name was Duck Fong. Good times!

Hendrick Family said...

Oooh...D.O...let's try the teeth thing. Where do you buy a music teacher's pitch fork? Do you have to know Harry Potter?

And, I would put the Elmer's glue on my face and then IMMEDIATELY wake Jason up from his drug induced coma. Duh.

Lynsey...

You have to remind me to call Jason next year on his birthday and sing, "Good Morning Jason." That's going to have to be a new tradition.

She was one scary lady.

And she also played the recorder.

Even freakier.

Heather

alisha said...

Valerie informed me that she was the STATE Thespian President of Missippi..i mean not just student or president of her school thespian club, but the WHOLE enchilada of Mississippi-whoa baby!

Last year, when I was in NC, I was the President of our graduate student organization the Graduate Student Association of International Studies (say that 5 times fast)...I planned a party after finals our first semester & coordinated who brought snacks to class every week...we obviously were WAY into research :o)

Kathryn, Michael & Alex said...

When I was twelve, I was president of the Tom Selleck fan club, we watched Magnum PI ALL the time.

We wrote him letters and sent pictures of grown up girls (we didn't want him to know how old we were).

He actually wrote back and I was convinced the stamp of his name was his real signature!!!

Ryan Price said...

This post has made me laugh a lot!

2 things I want to see...

1. Jason singing this song.
2. Ashley walking into Reece's class like her daughter is better than all the other kids and handing out chicken and Layne's sauce... my life would be complete!

I remember having to campaign and stuff for different things in school. LAME! I have been wracking my brain to remember the slogan though. I'm quite sure that is was some play on words with my last name though... that's pretty much a given. "The Price Is Right" or something like that.

I also remember music class when I was a wee lad. One of the biggest things that sticks out in my mind though was just that I spent most of the time kinda tuned out just wishing that the music teacher would step away from the piano and just let me play it.

She had a very white face as well... but, she was nice.

Sarah said...

i laughed out loud just now.
in my office. at my desk.
and i don't have a quiet laugh.

sneaking through the halls of your elementary school was the best! i remember our sinks to wash our hands were these big fountain things and you would step on a peddle and water would come out and 20 little kids could wash their hands at the same time. i loved stepping on the peddle and using that huge fountain all to myself. i know, i led an exciting life.

i did sneak out of my fourth grade class one time. i went to the library. i don't know why. i wasn't very good at being rebellious.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure this will sound off the nerd alert....but I was band president in high school. No campaign. Just voted as president in a ballot vote by the band. Yep. That's me. Band nerd. And the worst part is, I was also Band Sweetheart that year, so that meant I had to kiss a disgusting guy in front of everyone at the spring concert! YUCK!!!

Melodi

Kramer said...

Heather,

About 6 years ago, I saw Mrs. Freaky Face in Nacogdoches at the Wal Mart. Wouldn't you believe, her face was still the same way except on this day, she was also wearing a moo-moo. Kind of a Mexican moo-moo. All different shades and stuff. Real bright though. But I knew it was her 100% after 12 yrs or so of not seeing her.

So I walked up behind her and sang,"Good Morning Mrs. Freaky Face." (except I said her name. I know how to say it just not spell it. I think it was Cuellar though.) She turned around and said, "Jason Kramer!" and I said, "You remember?" Then we hugged and talked for about 30 minutes catching up. I wanted to talk about me but she just kept wanting to know about you and what you were doing. So I informed her of all yall were doing. She said she sure enjoyed having you in her classes, especially Recorders.

Just kidding. I hope I got you. I did see her in Wal Mart about 6 yrs ago but I told her hi and she didn't remember me. Pretty meaningless. I knew it was her though

Hendrick Family said...

Oh crud, Jason.

I was reading what you wrote with my mouth WIDE OPEN.

What? I kept thinking!

No way! How could she remember me when I spent my five years of elementary school desperately trying to not be noticed by her!

Then I read the last part and laughed even harder. I'm drugging you for sure one day.

You did really see her? Was she really wearing a moo-moo...because if that part is true, I will love imagining her just like she was, but wearing a moo-moo.

I wish you would have sang to her though. You would be even more of a hero to me!

Wow...good times.

Oh...and her group of recorder players were called The Pipers. I was never in it. They had to be at school early...like I would really do that, or be at school any longer than state mandated...AND you had to sit real close to her. I would have peed my pants.

Heather

The Heslip Twins said...

Being from the big metropolis of Alto, we didn't really campaign. It was more of, "Who wants to do what?" kind of thing. So I was President of Quill & Scroll (Journalism) and National Honor Society my senior year. At Tyler Junior College, I was Vice President of Phi Theta Kappa Int'l Honor Society (because no one else wanted it), and Historian of APICS at A&M. I just had it all fall into my lap...does that deserve cake??

Kelly

Garratts said...

I forgot to tell you I played the recorder in elementary school.

I played in the concerts every year.

I loved music class. I also played the xylophone.

I can still play Little Drummer Boy.

Think Aaron would let me be on the Praise Team?

Jessica said...

Grace Christian School 8th Grade Stu. Co. Pres here!!

You better believe i kicked Judy Martinez's BUTT to get that position!

Our class will be jolly if you vote SCHMALE!!!

bighousetx said...

Okay, this is so taking me back. I swear she wore pancake make up. At least that is what my mom told me when I was little. I just couldn't understand how you could make pancakes with that horrible stuff she caked on her face. It always seemed to rub off on my clothes when she would line us all up and make us hug her at the end of class. I think she did that to torment us. That was probably more damaging than making us sing out loud.

Pipers......good times. Not really. She made us dress up like the Fat Boys and sing the Twist at the end of year. I feel like I should be telling this stuff to a therapist.

Hendrick Family said...

Okay...

I don't know who this is that went to elementary school with me...

I'm guessing, Kristen?

If so...tell me!

I'm thrilled to have you AND Jason to laugh with about our music teacher.

How cool is it to have someone comment on your blog from ELEMENTARY SCHOOL? Elementary School was a long time ago for us...so sad to admit...but still, very true.

Heather

bighousetx said...

Yep, it's me. I love reading his blog. Everyday it makes me want to laugh. In fact, reading this again today was even funnier than yesterday. Why is it that I remember you sneaking into her class and playing with her forbidden fork? I am pretty sure it was because you were so stinkin proud of yourself that you had to run back to class and tell everyone that you had touched the fork.

Oh, and in 3rd. grade I was Student Council Secretary. I tought for sure that Terri Lynn Grant was going to win because after all she did have 3 names. I remember your mom making those great blue hearts with "Vote For Kristen" on them. What a good mom to do that.

King Family said...

As always, I am so late on your blog, but I was Sophomore Class President and Jr. Class President. So senior year, I figured it was a given I would win (I know student council dork, why did I want to win?), but some football player came up out of nowhere, ran against me, and won. I was, of course, devastated as only a 16-year old girl can be. My mom told me it was all for a good reason and then the student counsil apparantly felt so sorry for me that they made up some position to appoint me to because I had already registered for the 6th period student counsil class. So sad.

However, years later I finally did understand that it really was so great and God protecting me from winning when I heard that the senior class president is in charge of planning the reunions. I can't think of anything I would rather do less than plan a high school reunion. So, ha-ha to the former football player who now has to coordinate all that stuff!