Thursday, January 10, 2008

A Day in the Life of a...


Schizo.

I think I may possibly have Schizophrenia.

Remember how I said that I LOVED that white goo you use to sheet rock?

Well...I did.

Loved it.

Adored it.

At times, had sudden urges to taste it.

But come to find out....

After they ask you to rub white poo goo on the walls, they ask you to take sand paper and take it all back off again.

And the white poo goo dust...it goes EVERYWHERE.

Everywhere.

I feel like Pig Pen on Charlie Brown.

Now, two days later, the stuff I loved so much...

I despise to death.

White poo sand and me, the clean freak...do NOT go well together.

I don't mind the creative mess being upstairs...but now it's downstairs...and I am about to lose my mind.

Just when I wipe something down that's been attacked by white dust, more falls down in it's place.

It's like the white devil dust is just waiting...hovering...hanging out with the ceiling and only decides to fall down once I've gotten the floor or a piece of furniture clean.

Losing my mind.

That's what I'm doing.

It's like someone put flour in a dump truck, took my roof off and then dumped that load of flour into my house.

Imagine Monica from Friends being here...at my house....

Not good.

I can't stand mess.

Can't stand it.

If I see something messy...I clean it as though I'm on auto pilot.

There's mess everywhere, so I haven't stopped cleaning.

Why do I have to be such a clean weirdo?

I've used the restroom at friend's houses, walked out the door and realized, in my auto-pilot mode...I just cleaned their toilet or wiped down their counter top.

It's a sickness.

I also look in everyone's bathroom cabinets.

As long as I'm confessing things that go on in friend's bathrooms...I might as well come all the way clean.

I also did something, not very nice, with a shower curtain once because there wasn't any toilet paper.

Really.

But I'll never tell whose house I was at.

I will say, I only went number one.

I said I'm a CLEAN freak...NOT a germ freak.

What's Monica to do in a house filled with white dusty poo?

This might be the last straw needed to turn me into a real-live, too legit to quit, crazy person.

I can't believe I just outed myself about the shower curtain.

That's called, "Keepin' it real, yo."

9 comments:

BHG & Co. said...

"keepin' it real"? If real had a line, you crossed it!

seriously... a funny look at your OCD behavior helps me laugh at mine. Although you are more OCD than me...

that could be a song:

Hey O-C-D!
Yeah, you know me!


I'm with you on sheet rock dust, it's evil. Though the way you labeled it was fun = "the white poo goo dust"

Good luck with that.

p.s. It would be terrible to get that dust in your EYE!

Kathryn, Michael & Alex said...

Monica puts on her yellow gloves and never stops cleaning!!!!

WSexton2000 said...

Heather,

The timing is perfect for this blog. The apt above mine started leaking into my bathroom and for 3 weeks, I've been fighting with them to replace the drywall. I read your other post this morning and was laughing thinking about them doing it to my apt. Then, I get home to find them here, with the walls all torn out, and decided to post to your other blog about it. Then I read this one. The drywall guy thinks I'm totally insane. I was HOWLING about this newest addition to the wonderful world of the Hendricks. The Lord love and keep you all. I am so blessed to know you, and God found it in his heart to have someone around who can actually empathize because it's happening to me too. At least I'm not compulsively tidy, just ask Kathryn.

Love you guys,

Will

The Kramer Family said...

If you find out any tips or tricks to rid the white doo doo (your word and oh so fun to say....remember:) goo dust permanently, let me know. Because it is still floating around my house. I think it has something to do with the CHA (central heat and air for those of you who just thought I wrote a partial dance move) and getting caught up in the ducts.

Oh, my. I'm washing my shower curtains. They are both cloth on the exterior. Although one is completely white so any markings would show up and I would know and you would be busted! I seriously can't believe that you outed yourself about that. That is why I love you so!

I doubt it was me that ran out of toilet paper. I have a phobia of running out of tp at other people's houses and being rendered helpless, so I'm pretty sure it wasn't me who ran out of tp. Oh good. I feel better already.

What if someone gave you $100? Would you tell us who's shower curtain it was?

I think I've gone on long enough here. But, something is definitely going on over in Hendrickville. I think you are turning into white poo goo dust huffers and loosing your minds.

That is all.

p.s. my word verification is 'aidum' which I take to me 'Help Them'.

Kirby said...

Welcome to the last 6 months of my life!

It's terrible...I can sweep, mop, and dust three times and we still seem to track it ALL over the house...it was in our closets--on our clothes...do you know how many loads of laundry I had to do? I just kept saying, "God, I'm so thankful we have all these clothes to wear..."

Carrie said...

Oh my goodness - you make me laugh. I would die if that was my shower curtain. I just read it to my hubby. He said, "Gross, why would you ever admit that!"
That's just one more reason I read your blog.

LD said...

Ok Heather, if you're going to admit to using someone's shower curtain to wipe your hoo-hah, you should at least have the decency to say who it is so they can go wash it... in hot water... with bleach... and then buy another one. For serious.

Plus we all want to know.

Mindi said...

Boy, I guess that's as real as it gets?

Is it true confession time? Maybe we could do a poll on what people do when they are at someone's house and they use the toilet only to realize that there is no toilet paper.

I have kind of a dance that I do. Kind of like a really fast twist of my derriere. It's very effective. You can shake all the residual tee tee right into the potty.

What does everyone else do?? Holler helplessly and hope your hubby is there too so he can walk in on you and give you some TP?

I like Friends a lot, too. Matt and I watch at least an episode every night. I got season 10 for Christmas, and I also own seasons 1-4, I think. I love Monica but mostly I love Rachel. My own Monica has a lot of Monica Gellar's tendencies.

Luckily, I haven't ever lived with drywalling in my house. But I am not a neat freak. I do not recommend that you look into my cabinets if you ever use my bathroom. You might cry, or invite yourself over sometime to help clean them out. Hey . . . that gives me ideas . . . wanna come over???

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to give you some other options in case you are faced with the shower curtain dilemma again:

~toilet paper roll
~hand towel
~your sock
~wiggle wiggle and air dry
~cottonballs
~page from a magazine

he he funny stuff.