Sunday, December 02, 2007

What NOT to do


There are a lot of things I think everyone should do.

I think everyone should

Eat Indian food

Look at an Ikea catalog

Wet their pants all the way

Go to a soupus

Moon someone

Snort Kool-Aid

Shop for clothing out of season

Here is ONE thing you should never do...

Never teach your sons the words, "anus" and "rectum."

Never do that.

I apologize upfront to everyone they know, to the AWANA workers, their Children's Worship Leaders and my neighbors.

I'm sorry.

I should have skipped that part in their digestive system unit.

I know that now...

After I've heard things in my house like...

Two boys wrestling on a bed, laughing...one yells out..."Get away from my anus."

Hayden walks in, hands down his pants (common posture for little boys, I swear, some days I want to cut off their arms)...I say, "Get out of there." Hayden says..."I wasn't touching my anus."

Three boys jumping from the top bunk onto a mattress on the floor...

"What are ya'll doing in here?" I ask as I enter the room....

"Jumping on our anuses."

You live and you learn.

They have been saying the most awful things...but I can't get onto them with a straight face...I start with a straight face...and then I start smiling and walk away.

9 comments:

Hendrick Family said...

As gross as they are, I have been so thankful for my boys and their silly body references. Isn't life nuts?

I'm sitting here this week, being refined in ways I haven't been in a very long time...waiting to see God move...all the while, my boys are walking around saying anus and rectum.

Life is so beautifully strange.

Heather

Anonymous said...

LoL LOL.... we laughed so hard. You are a wonderful bunch!..... and to know I had some part in creating their wonderful Mother.......

Heather's most proud Dad!

Kathryn, Michael & Alex said...

I am so glad that you posted this.

We just got home from church, I was making us something to eat and the boys were playing in the bedroom and every other word out of their mouth was a either a body part or body function from said part...I was thinking PLEASE do not let me be the only one whose children do this!!!

Mindi said...

Well, I am fascinated by your list, but don't understand your reasoning for most of the things. I thought I had done a lot in my 33 years, but I hadn't done a lot of those things. I have had Indian food and I think most of it was disgusting. Why do you want us to look at an IKEA catalog? Wet our pants (all the way, I mean, I wet mine partway all the time). Why snort KoolAid? Just the thought makes my nose hurt. And mooning would be rude unless it was your best friend or your husband. I did just happen to read your soupus post last week and it was absolutely hilarious, and we have been to some very similar soupuses in the Temple/Killeen area.

Thanks for all you do, Heather. I like your funny posts about life and parenting as well as your starkly honest and refreshing posts that challenge us on how to live, how to view God, etc.

I'm praying for you, Aaron and the boys as well as those tiny new baby girls.

Mindi

The Kramer Family said...

I can't imagine a life any stranger than this.

God moving in incredible ways with whispers (and sometimes shouts) of 'anus' words as the background noise. How funny! God does have a sense of humor.

Jason is thrilled he doesn't have to breastfeed. Although, it was a prerequisite for me getting date #2. He seriously asked me if I was going to breastfeed over Meat Lover's pizza at Pizza Hut.

Anonymous said...

ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I just woke up six children while I was HOWLING with laughter, it is YOUR FAULT!!! I read it aloud to Mark, screaming with laughter the whole time, and now he has one thing to say:

"If your boys have been jumping on their anuses too often, they may have rectum."

Is that a Mark Henry joke or what??? Did you have to get Aaron to explain it to you? ha! That is why I spent the first two years of our teenage dating relationship laughing on the outside and going, "HUH?" on the inside.

I love boys!!! They rock. Did your boys go through the phase of saying "head" after everything? All 3 of my older boys did that! "Bucket-head, spoon-head, pencil-head, punky-head...." I would always groan and say, "Here comes the head phase."

Body parts are even better! So funny. So, so funny, Heather. This will go on my list of things to read when I'm feeling blah.

Melodi

Ryan Price said...

Ahh... Things I miss from that house.

And just for the record... did you really just recommend that everyone should moon someone?

I know that sounds like something that would come out of Aaron' mouth, but, you? really?

Hendrick Family said...

Ha! MARK Henry...so Mark Henry!!

And yes...to both Mindi and Ryan...

Mooning is fun at just the right moments.

You know those times when you're kind of having a tense moment with your spouse...over something dumb...you wish it would just go away, because it's dumb, and one of you needs to just drop it.

When you feel like, "Why did I just get upset about something so stupid ?"...you know it's stupid...things are intense...

Just turn around and moon your husband.

Mooning changes everything.

It means...I'm sorry. I was stupid.

Heather

Halei said...

Indian Food = my downfall.
I have been looking for a cookbook with easy recipes, because I have NO idea what half of the ingredients are!
Do ya'll go to The Spice Bowl...LOVE that place!