Need to get caught up on our adoption journey?
Go to the restroom, grab a snack and enjoy!
Go to the restroom, grab a snack and enjoy!
And to think...
I thought agreeing to adopt was something huge.
Silly ol' me.
Friday, Cindy Seay from New Life asked us to pray about whether or not we would accept twin girls.
Did you read what this mother of three BOYS just wrote?
When I'm honest, I was daydreaming about
My initial response was...
"Twins. How neat."
That lasted about 2 and a half seconds.
The next 24 hours was spent saying things like...
We will have five children.
We will never sleep. Ever. Never again.
How will we afford this?
How does anyone keep two newborns alive?
How dumb would we be to SIGN UP for this insanity?
We only have six thousand dollars. That was enough for one baby's adoption and finalization. Now we need about two thousand more. We don't have that kind of money.
Our house is nowhere near finished.
We will have seven people sleeping in two bedrooms.
How will we afford all that formula?
How can anyone even hold two babies at the same time?
I'm a mother, not an octopus.
What if they are born premature and we have to be at the hospital forever?
How am I going to bond with adopted twins? I've heard it can be hard to bond with twins when the one bonding is the one who birthed them. How will this ever work?
What will we drive?
How will we ever fit 5 children with our last name AND our army of neighbor kids in our car?
How will we all get to church?
How will I be able to teach my kids?
When will I sit down?
Can you imagine the laundry?
One girl would scare me to death...and I'm agreeing to two of them?
How will this white mama ever be able to fix a little brown girl's hair...how will I fix TWO little brown girl's hair?
I could go on and on and on.
I did to the Lord...but I'll spare you.
God must have known I would morph into a freak job as soon as Cindy asked us to pray.
So He did some very neat things to lovingly remind me that He has this under control.
As soon as we found out, I was talking to Kirby and she said, "What is Aaron thinking right now?"
I asked Aaron while on the phone with Kirby.
He said, "I'm leaning more towards yes than no."
Again...I thought I was going to hyperventilate.
Then he reminded me of my dream.
The MORNING of the same day Cindy contacted us, I was sitting in the living room reading my Bible. I had been up for about 30 minutes...but all of a sudden, I remembered the dream I had during the early morning (during the time between going tinkle at 5 a.m. and waking up for the day).
Aaron was on the couch in the same room reading a book to Hayden. I thought, "Do I tell him my dream?" I don't know why, but I had to purposefully choose to tell Aaron. I had to wait for him to finish reading to Hayden...and then again...I kind of wrestled with whether or not I would tell him.
Finally, I said...
I dreamed last night that today we got picked.
We were in Cindy's office. She told us she was about to show our profile to a birth mom, but wanted us to know that we would be picked. So, the three of us rejoiced together, knowing we would soon meet OUR birth mother because it was a done deal.
By that afternoon, even after getting the news from Cindy, I had never thought about that dream again.
When Aaron reminded me, I could not believe it.
I'm so glad I told him.
And...I'm so glad HE remembered MY dream.
The day we were called was the day I told my husband I dreamed we got picked.
I've NEVER had dreams that mean ANYTHING. They are quite entertaining dreams...but pointless, I hope.
Aaron and I decided to take this weekend to pray and fast about this decision.
My idea was to make a good, handy dandy pros and cons list.
I love a good pros and cons list.
I could not wait to pull up publisher, so I could make a beautiful, colorful chart.
This would be the pros and cons list to beat all pros and cons lists.
I already had mentally picked my font.
Aaron said he would rather we just pray and wait to hear from the Lord.
This is why God wants Aaron to lead...not me.
So that's what we've done.
I don't know how many of you were sitting in the Saturday night service...I've heard all three services were completely different...another amazing thing to me, because I know God spoke a specific message straight to our hearts.
A missionary from Nicaragua preached.
Even though the message was about missions, God spoke clearly to both of our hearts. These were not babies we were praying about. These are two souls. Two souls.
He said things like... "When God asks you to do something, it doesn't matter if you don't think you're smart enough, if you feel unprepared, if you don't have the details. All you can do is say, yes."
Then, about four times, he said... "If God has asked you to do something, to serve him, do not leave this place without telling Him yes."
"Do not leave this place without telling God, yes."
Then it was Aaron's turn.
The first song he lead us to sing, planned EARLIER in the week was...
"Whatever you ask of me, I know my answer will be yes, Lord...yes..."
I sat there, watching him sing, tears running down my face, knowing EXACTLY what we were about to say yes to.
Then we sang words that were SO HARD for me.
"It's your life. It's your life. It's not my life anymore."
If this was my life, then I'd rather have one baby at a time.
If this was my life, then I'd rather have more money before agreeing to this.
If this was my life, then I'd like for there to be three bedrooms that are FINISHED upstairs.
If this was my life, then I'd like to be able to try and nurse my adopted child...and how will I do this with two? (yep...you actually can nurse adopted kids)
If this was my life, then I'd like some sleep.
I'd like to sit down.
I'd like to all be able to fit in our vehicle.
But this isn't my life.
And when God asks, "Who will go?"
Our answer needs to be, "Lord, send us."
That sounds so easy to do...
But believe me, I feel like I said, "Lord, I just wet my pants, but send me."
I have never cried more than I have this weekend.
And what's hilarious about all of this is...
We may not even be getting twin girls! This just means that the birth mom will have two choices. Our family and another family.
She would still have to pick us.
We just know that God has shown us without a doubt this weekend that we were supposed to say YES to Cindy about showing our profile.
So we did.
The birth mother will meet us by looking through a book on Wednesday of this week.
Pray for her. Can you imagine?
This huge emotional train wreck this weekend has been over whether or not we MIGHT be getting twins.
My heart was stirred from the moment I found out about these girls.
All I could think, through teary eyes, while reading all their information was...
"Are these my daughters?"
But I'm thankful that God has placed them in my heart...maybe just to pray for them. They are due the first week of January!
I can't get over how much God has shown up, has taught us, has refined us...how much we have seen him do weird God things...how much our faith has grown through this adoption process...AND WE HAVE NOT EVEN BEEN PICKED.