Tuesday, September 04, 2007

When Balloon Beagles Go Bad

Man I wish this picture was not so little and icky.

If you had a magnifying glass, you would be able to see that yes...this is a giant balloon dog that fell on a road.

I got this from some weird news webpage:

"Drivers were covered by a dog balloon after it experienced technical difficulties."
I saw this news story trot along the tv screen... (No one worry. I wasn't watching the news. I was at my news-watching, dad's house...he likes the news and he knows things.)

Well when I saw it I was alone in the kitchen...just me and the smiling, uptight news people...

The story came on and then went off so fast...

Like it wasn't a big deal...


A giant dog landed on CARS...how is that NOT the lead story...how was that not the ONLY story that day? And how did they NOT spend a long time talking about it?

Where were the "on the site" interviews?

And where oh where was the round table discussion?

I wanted to hear from some experts on this controversial subject.

How are balloon animals fairing in the polls?

How can we prevent future attacks from rabid inflatables?

How can we prepare our families for terrifying events such as this?

Is there some sort of kit we need to put together and keep in our cars?

How much water would you need if you got stuck under a dying balloon dog?

What's the first thing you should do once a balloon dog has landed on your vehicle?

How do you prevent shock?

Is there cell phone reception under a deflated beagle?

What about those concerns? What is wrong with the news? When is it going to be relevant?

Yet another reason why I boycott news coverage altogether.

Since I was the only one in the kitchen, I was worried for a minute that I was the only person on earth who saw the story...I wouldn't have proof that balloon animals are more than dumb...they are downright dangerous...

Who would believe that a giant balloon dog fell on cars?

But then I remembered that this is the news...

I've heard that LOTS of normal, educated, current events savvy people watch it...and then they write about it on websites that you can look up on the internet! Happy day!

Now everyone can know that these giant balloons are a menace and are taking over the world.

Which solidifies my take on balloon animals.

We should all despise them.

I think they are weird and scary...and that's when I'm sitting at a safe distance away from them.

I think I would need counseling the rest of my life if a giant balloon dog landed on my car. One would have to go to great lengths to even begin to imagine the exposed hiney hole on a canine of that size.

And also...one other update to the story that no one liked initially, but then I begged them to, so they came through for me...

Nolan Bushnell was the man that invented Chuck E. Cheese and convinced everyone that disease infested rodents are great restaurant mascots. He ALSO invented Atari.

I told you.

He's a genius.

Go Dig Dug.

The best game ever.


Landreneau Family said...

I will comment for you, Heather, so as to avoid the aforementioned fiasco...

What a waste of money those balloons are! I bet those really big ones cost thousands of dollars. You could adopt your baby for that price!


Lindsay said...

I felt this post deserved a comment from me as well...although I have nothing to say other than that is HY-STERICAL and you raised some very valid points...those uptight news people are much too serious for my liking...they are rarely allowed in my house.

Anonymous said...

Just for the record - I recently bought a new vehicle because of Heather's note on inflatable things on roofs or just things on the roof of the sales establishment ...... well I saw one... thought of Heather and said .... you know, it is a good day to buy a vehicle... almost out of the blue. See it works, even if they had to influence Heather to influence other people to respond..... See Heather now you are a part of the "Inflatable Figure on Roofs Scam"

It's really in your genes Heather.... face it, accept it.... they are big blown-up wonderful beings.....

Love Heather's Dad.... :-)

Amanda said...

Heather, the whole time I was reading this I was wondering how long it would take you to get around to the gorilla. Also, do you know of any LH connections in Boston? Thanks!

The Kramer Family said...

For some reason, blog posts about giant inflatable animals do not score lots of comments. I know this was a concern with the giant mullet gorilla inflatable post as well.

I happen to be intrigued by this story. I'm glad that you caught a glimpse of this news story because I haven't watched the news in probably 2 weeks. I know, sad isn't it?

I did see a news story flipping through the channels about a giant floating banana. Anyone have any idea what that was about?

Love you!

The Kramer Family said...

Nevermind! Post away people! I'm glad you are back to post about giant inflatable thingys.

Your dad could take that Beagle down in his Hummer! It probably came with a lazor gun.

Hendrick Family said...

Yes...did you all hear that?

My dad really did tell me that he bought a vehicle because of a blow up thing on the top of a building.

He forgot that it's supposed to be us against the balloons...

We can't let balloon animals influence us!

My own dad!

But it is a SWEET ride.


Hendrick Family said...

Thanks for coming through Amy and Lindsay.

Those balloons are probably very expensive. I think balloons at HEB that are shaped like sponge bob are expensive and they are only about 1 foot high...so I can't even imagine.

And those news people are very somber souls.

They make me scared...and make me feel stupid...two things I dislike.

I'm glad to know that more people ignore them besides just me.

Whew! And...

My sister in law is FUNNY.

I laughed loud about the lasers!

I'm pretty sure I saw the laser button in there.


BHG & Co. said...

I don't know why I'm posting. You're low-comment posts have enough comments for a all of my posts combined! And for the record, whining about no posts (the travesty post) is just a testimony to how good you have it... zero comments is normal for most others. In fact if not for Lindsay (you go girl!) I think I might not have no comments at all.

But that's not why I'm commenting.

I really just wanted to say two words...

Go Dig-Dug!

or is that three words? I think it's two words. Three syllables, but two words.

fomn said...

I think you need to hang in there with the campaign against accepting rodents into the mainstream. Chuckee, Mickey, Mighty, Jerry, The Rescuers,etc. They are much more dangerous and costly than illegal immigrants. How many folks have had an illegal immigrant take up residence in their pantry or under the hood of their car and eat into things and leave droppings and create "that smell" without ever doing any usable construction work? With the rains in South Texas and the abundance of feed and cover has come a profusion of rodents. Yesterday I mowed leaving many homeless and a few splinched. Where is the government? the Media?
George W.? TexDot? The Minute Men?
Ok. you need not put this in the comments. I just was moved by your mention of Chuckee.
Always your...Poppi

Hendrick Family said...

Not put that in the comments?

Oh I simply must.

I believe this is a great observation and something that needs to be thunk upon by many.

Can you imagine how much Mickey Mouse alone has cost this world...all those trips to the Magical Kingdom?

Rodents very well may be the driving force behind American economics.


k.rutledge said...

During a recent scenic drive down 1-45 into Houston, Lisa & I passed 6 balloons of the Gorilla species.

Count 'em! Six.
I counted. Because of your goofy blog.

The very one's featured on the picture you posted.