Tuesday, September 04, 2007
When Balloon Beagles Go Bad
Man I wish this picture was not so little and icky.
If you had a magnifying glass, you would be able to see that yes...this is a giant balloon dog that fell on a road.
I got this from some weird news webpage:
"Drivers were covered by a dog balloon after it experienced technical difficulties."
I saw this news story trot along the tv screen... (No one worry. I wasn't watching the news. I was at my news-watching, dad's house...he likes the news and he knows things.)
Well when I saw it I was alone in the kitchen...just me and the smiling, uptight news people...
The story came on and then went off so fast...
Like it wasn't a big deal...
A giant dog landed on CARS...how is that NOT the lead story...how was that not the ONLY story that day? And how did they NOT spend a long time talking about it?
Where were the "on the site" interviews?
And where oh where was the round table discussion?
I wanted to hear from some experts on this controversial subject.
How are balloon animals fairing in the polls?
How can we prevent future attacks from rabid inflatables?
How can we prepare our families for terrifying events such as this?
Is there some sort of kit we need to put together and keep in our cars?
How much water would you need if you got stuck under a dying balloon dog?
What's the first thing you should do once a balloon dog has landed on your vehicle?
How do you prevent shock?
Is there cell phone reception under a deflated beagle?
What about those concerns? What is wrong with the news? When is it going to be relevant?
Yet another reason why I boycott news coverage altogether.
Since I was the only one in the kitchen, I was worried for a minute that I was the only person on earth who saw the story...I wouldn't have proof that balloon animals are more than dumb...they are downright dangerous...
Who would believe that a giant balloon dog fell on cars?
But then I remembered that this is the news...
I've heard that LOTS of normal, educated, current events savvy people watch it...and then they write about it on websites that you can look up on the internet! Happy day!
Now everyone can know that these giant balloons are a menace and are taking over the world.
Which solidifies my take on balloon animals.
We should all despise them.
I think they are weird and scary...and that's when I'm sitting at a safe distance away from them.
I think I would need counseling the rest of my life if a giant balloon dog landed on my car. One would have to go to great lengths to even begin to imagine the exposed hiney hole on a canine of that size.
And also...one other update to the story that no one liked initially, but then I begged them to, so they came through for me...
Nolan Bushnell was the man that invented Chuck E. Cheese and convinced everyone that disease infested rodents are great restaurant mascots. He ALSO invented Atari.
I told you.
He's a genius.
Go Dig Dug.
The best game ever.