Friday, September 28, 2007

And then there's this child...

Minutes ago, I walked into the bathroom to be greeted by a foul smell.

I screamed, "What DIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEd in here?"

That one phrased, yelled in dramatic fashion ALWAYS makes giggles erupt from every boy-filled crevice in this house.

"It was me!" Hayden said PROUDLY...laughing all the way to the bathroom...seeing me standing in there waving my hand acting like I'm dieing makes their day.

Boys and their behinds.

As if that wasn't bad enough...

Hayden holds his hand up and it looks like this:


Then the most awful words came out of his mouth... "And...guess what mom, I wiped my boody with my hand!" He was so excited.

I just stood there. My mouth wide open...not believing my eyes.

Dear Jesus...take hold of me.

This is so normal with Hayden. He is my only child that does such odd, horrible things that I assume this stance regularly...I just stand looking at him, in SHOCK, trying to figure out where to even begin.

What am I supposed to do right now?

I've never told Hayden not to wipe his rear with his palm.

Should I have to say that?

Seriously!

Should I REALLY have to say that?

How can I be expected to think of all these things?

I had no words.

All the parenting books I had ever read were FAILING me as always when it comes to this child. I've often times wanted to mail Hayden to James Dobson or Tedd Tripp with a little note attached to his shirt that says, "You can have him for one week. After that, you'll have plenty to write about for the rest of your life and you'll change your book titles to The Strong Willed Child (excluding Hayden), Shepherding a Child's Heart (no guarantees if you are parenting Hayden) and Bringing up Boys (subtitled, I'm terribly sorry Mrs. Hendrick, I can't help you with Hayden)."

My eyes watered up. I started moving towards him, to grab that hand and then after that...well I couldn't even think that far...

That's when this little lunatic starts laughing so hard and says...."It's just marker mom...I tricked you."

I was totally punked!

I screamed with delight...HAYDEN HENDRICK!!!

He matched my squeals with "I tricked you mom, I tricked you!"

Then I laughed and laughed...he fell on the floor laughing....

While I was washing the MARKER off his hand I thought of how genius this was...

Just when I want to pull my hair out because the kid can't remember that roots grow in SOIL...even though I've had him repeat it 9,000 times...I get to see that he really is brilliant!

His gift is humor...

And he uses it well.

Five years old and pulling elaborate pranks on his mother...

Will I survive?

Will he?

23 comments:

Aaron said...

That's my boy!

Carrie said...

WOW - as I was reading I thought, "I can't believe she would post a picture of that." I was feeling ill just reading it. BUT I was glad to hear it was marker. Boys!

Anna Patton said...

Okay, you have no idea who I am...and vice versa. But, I promise, I read your blog daily. I was screaming and gasping right along with your comments! It was too crazy! Then, when Hayden said, "It's marker mom" ha ha ha ha. I don't think I have snorted that hard in a while! Too precious and genius!!! Truly amazing.

Grandma said...

You'll never stay ahead of him. Just hang on and enjoy the ride.

D.O. said...

Thus begins a long future of wonderful things materializing from that boys brain. I'm excited about it. Well done, Hayden.

Ryan Price said...

I wasn't surprised at all... with either of the scenarios!!

I love Hayden!!

Jennifer Bacak said...

Boys. Love them. Justus has this same kind of hilarious gift! They're going to find a girl someday who thinks they're the positively, most hilarious being on earth.
jenn

Landreneau Family said...

Now that's talent!

We're praying for your training tomorrow.

Aimee

The Kramer Family said...

That a boy! Your Uncle Jason is going to be so proud when I tell him this story. He might have done something like that to your mommy growing up! He is a practical joker like yourself.

Thanks for the laugh. I would be mortified along with your mommy if a kid came at me with pooh on their hand.

Love ya!
Aunt Lynsey

The Kramer Family said...

Okay, I need to add something.

Uncle Jason and I were just marveling at the fact that the brown stuff really looks like poo (correction made, thanks Uncle J). You are quite the artist to go through the creative process of designing fake poo on your hand.

Boy, as they say in the hood. You got skills!

p.s. I think I spelled 'poo' in my previous comment like you would spell Winne the Pooh. Ha!

Hendrick Family said...

Yes! It looked SO REAL.

It made me gag.

And thank you, Aimee!

We are SO excited about tomorrow.

I'll tell you all about it when I get home!

Heather

Karen said...

OKAY--I can't stand it. My first thought while reading this tale, guffawing, and looking at the picture was: "How did he manage to get soooo much on his palm, and keep his fingers so clean??"

My second thought was: "This kid lives in the wrong country. I many, maybe most parts of the world, that particular activity would be considered a necessary personal hygiene function.--Maybe with a greater concentration on the LEFT hand--particularly the thumb."

I was, however, also pleased to find out that, in fact this was a display of Hayden's sense of humor, acting ability and fairly good make-up talents.

Landreneau Family said...

Heather~ I am ordering my tickets for the Renaissance Festival and was wondering if got the lunch tickets last year.

Thanks!

Hendrick Family said...

No. I think those lunch tickets are mainly for schools so kids don't walk around with cash.

They have the food booths open all over the park, so we walked around and got what each kid wanted from all the different fun places.

They have turkey legs, baked potatoes, chicken strips, corn on the cob, funnel cake, kettle corn...it's AMAZING. And, you can bring your own drinks and things in, I think. We brought Hayden's food in and lots of juice boxes for the kids.

Heather

Lindsay said...

That's hysterical...

BHG & Co. said...

brown pla-doh or chocolate... the 3-D effect would have been marvelous!

Anthony and Sharon said...

HA!
And yes Karen's comment was right...that kid lives in the wrong country. One day he'll have an opportunity to go to Asia and the selling point will be, "...but Hayden, in that country you get to wipe your bum with your hand, and use the little hose beside the toilet to wash it all away..." His name will be the first on the list.

Awesome.

Oh, and mom, just so you know, when mom's change diapers here THEY use their hands to wipe babies bottoms.

Very interesting, no?

Hendrick Family said...

No way!

I had no idea.

Their hand?

Tania Hernandez said...

awesome!! I've got try that..maybe.

Landreneau Family said...

I've been laughing about this all weekend!

I think what has struck me the most is that you see your Hayden's gift for humor. I think if my child had walked out with a poo hand (real or fake), I would have flipped out before he/she had a chance to tell me it was a joke. This is a good lesson for me to think before I react.

We are on board for the Festival. We're going to stay at my uncle's house in Kingwood on the Monday and Tuesday nights, and probably go to NASA or the Children's Museum on the Wednesday. So excited!

Aimee

Hendrick Family said...

Yay Aimee!

I can't wait to meet you!!

The Children's Museum is AMAZING! We love that place.

Heather

dreamingBIGdreams said...

that was hilarious!

The Preacher's Wife said...

I don't even know how I ended up here, but this post is hilarious. I have a Hayden, but his name is Sam and this is exactly something he would do - with that very same look on his face!

Love it....:))

Lisa