Saturday, August 11, 2007

Top 5 Jobs I Fantasize About


Most days my favorite job is being a mommy.

I adore my boys saying words like, "actually". Big words coming out of tiny mouths...divine.

I love how Ashton only poops families. The only thing sweet about answering a long, drawn out, "Mooooommmmmmyyyyy" coming from the bathroom is that I know when I walk in there to wipe his white little hiney, Ashton's going to introduce me to the family unit floating in the potty.

"I pooped a mommy, a daddy and a baby." A big one, a medium one and a little one.

"I pooped brothers." Two the same size.

But, I won't lie or try to hide it...

There are times I find myself daydreaming about a different job.

These are tops on my list:

1. Schoolteacher


I know. I homeschool....so I am sort of a teacher.

But when I daydream, I'm a public school teacher.

What's interesting is that the ONLY parts of a public school teacher's job I want to do are...

Write my student's names in a teacher book...

last name first

comma

first name

And then take roll. Calling a name, and then putting a check mark next to that name in a little bitty box...woo-who! I get excited just typing that!

I would want to grade papers and put stickers on the A+ ones...and make eyes out of the zeros when kids get 100's.

I would also want to have keys to rooms like the teacher's lounge, the supply closet in the office and the theater. And, I would want to wear those keys on a florescent, lime green stretchy, phone cord bracelet.

My goal is to have enough kids in my house one day that I can rationalize buying a Mary Engelbright Teacher's book. Then I'm going to call roll everyday...and so help me, my kids better say "here" instead of "huh?" when I call their name!

2. Beauty Shop Lady

If I went to counseling, I'm sure a psychologist would easily link this fantasy to the fact that I love Steel Magnolias and wish I were related to Dolly Parton.

I love everything about beauty shops.

I would die to wear a black cape jacket to work every day.

I love foil.

I love the smell of nail polish, hair dye and nail polish remover.

I'm sure a psychologist would also find that if I wasn't saved, I would be a huffer.

I love the smell of gasoline too.

And sharpie markers.

I would give anything to be able to figure out how you run hair between two fingers and then cut that hair with scissors. It's a great mystery to me. It looks so easy, but when I go to do it on one of my kids, I can't...because my hands don't work right. The scissor, hand, hair combo takes skills people...skills I do not have.

3. Someone who saves the day with my quadlingual skills.

I dream about speaking several languages.

Okay, really...I think I just want to be the girl on James Bond movies. They are always tall and speak different languages.

Wait...really, maybe I don't even care about speaking other languages...maybe I just want an accent...but use that accent to speak in English...which just makes people think I obviously know other languages.

Yes. That's what it is.

The heart of that fantasy is that what I really want is to be Mini Driver.

4. A Dancer

I wish I meant a beautiful ballet dancer.

I don't.

That would be so nice of me.

When I fantasize about dancing, it's always when I'm listening to rap music in the car.

I want to shake it like Christina Aguilera or Shakira.

One day, I want to get a group together and learn a hip hop dance routine.

And I mean a REAL hip hop dance routine.

Like - I don't want the instructor to be a Christian.

5. An Electric Guitar Player

I had no idea this was such a powerful dream of mine until last night.

I've always thought that girls who played the drums (like Kaycee, that's why we let her live with us) or the electric guitar (I don't know any girls who play electric guitar, or I would let them share rooms with Kaycee) were the COOLEST things on planet earth. But last night...wow...how cool I think those girls are just multiplied greatly.

Erin and Matt brought over Guitar Hero.

This is some sort of game you play on the TV...but you play it by PLAYING an electric guitar to some of the greatest hits of all time!

I have never felt hipper.

I've always wanted to be a Bangle...but I had no idea how badly I wanted to be one until last night.

Imagine, wearing a guitar...the cool ZZ top guitars and playing "We've Got the Beat!"

The music is loud

And you really feel like what you're doing with your fingers is making that noise...

It's not..

But it feels like it is.

ROCK THE HOUSE.

You have to pull the neck of your guitar high in the air for extra points...and that also makes me feel extra awesome.

There's a whammy bar.

A Whammy BAR!

What are your job fantasies?

I would love to hear how deranged you are!

17 comments:

Hendrick Family said...

Oh...

And I would want to be a painter.

But not paint anything. I really have no interest in art, no matter how hard I try to make myself like it.

I would just want it to be okay to wear comfortable clothes that have paint splatters on them.

When I see people like that, I think...

I bet they are very creative.

So I just want to wear painter clothes, but not paint anything.

melody said...

I'm not sure about my fantasy jobs, but Jeff busted out loud that he wants to be a fortune cookie fortune writer, instead of confucious say, Jefe say 'One who is wise will examine one's zipper'...I love my husband!

BrunerAbroad said...

I've definately thought about this stuff before.

1. I would like to be a ridiculously famous movie star and walk down a red carpet at the Oscar's and have everyone talk about my Oscar De La Renta dress. But not the kind of actress that gets married 4 times and has a miserable life...oh no. I'd still love Jesus and all my actor co-stars would see his light shining in me and want Jesus too. Then there would be revival in Hollywood and Scientology would fall to peices and husbands and wives would be faithful to each other and children would only have one mommy and one daddy. Yes. I would be an actress/missionary.

2. A real, live cowgirl that knows how to ride horses and wrangle cows and fix fences and play cowboy songs on the guitar and look good in plaid.

3. An archeologist that discovers amazingly important historical finds and gets interviewed on the History Channel.

4. Cindy Foote. I want to write amazing praise and worship songs that make the world praise the Lord, and travel all over the world with my husband singing them and sharing the gospel.

5. A mommy. I don't think I need to explain why. =)

-Laura

Leslie Moore said...

I would want to be a chef....or a church secretary...the church secretary at my home church is the coolest lady ever and I want to be just like her....or the person who drives the boat around for parasailers in places like the Caymans or Aruba or some other beautiful tropical place....now THAT would be an awesome job!

Jennifer Bacak said...

Heather,
Just want you to know that Rusty is making fun of you because your first comment on all your posts is from you. You can hit him if you want, though.
I would also be a huffer if I weren't saved. I've said that often. I could get totally sidetracked by Sharpie markers during the day...my kids could find me in a closet sniffing away if I didn't stay focused.
I don't want to be a hairdresser, but I was in Steel Magnolias when I was in HS! Did you know that?
Also, when I was a teacher, I wore my key on a red cord thing around my wrist. But I only had about 5 students at a time, (Deaf Ed) so I didn't keep roll. But I do think you could have enough kids to justify the Mary Engelbreigt book! Keep em' comin'!
jenn

Hendrick Family said...

I love these!

And shush it Rusty.

It's easier to comment than to edit.

I'm sticking my tongue out at you when I see you.

Doo Head.

Heather

Aaron said...

I've always wanted to be an archeologist. In fact when I started TAMU, I was going to be an archeology major until I found out that actual archeology is boring.
Real archeologists spend years using little bitty brushes and tiny shovels just to find stupid little trinkets. Seldom do they find lost temples. They hardly ever unearth an secret chamber that has a miniature model of the city in it. And very few of them actually carry whips.

I don't want to be an archeologist.

I want to be Indiana Jones.

Garratts said...

Bryce wants to be Aaron.

Everyday and I mean everyday, he gets his guitar and says he is Aaron.

He is obsessed.

I tell him we are going to run some errands and he gets this really excited look on his face and asks if we are going to see Aaron.

If Mike is going somewhere he automatically thinks he is going to see Aaron and begs to go with him.

BRYCE LOVES AARON!

Hendrick Family said...

Well...

Anson wants to be Mike and own a business and have rent houses.

So...I guess we're even!

Mike is Anson's hero.

Funny!

Heather

Hendrick Family said...

Oh...and Ashley...

We were sitting in staff meeting last week and Aaron's phone started ringing.

He quickly turned it off.

After the meeting Butch said, "Who was calling you?"

Aaron said, "Mike."

Then Butch said...

"Every time your phone rings and I ask you who it is, it's always Mike."

Everyone else started laughing and I said..."Boyfriends!"

They really do crack me up.

Heather

Carrie said...

Before I had children I was a teacher. Not a great fantacy of mine anymore. Motherhood is much better. I would like to be a librarian. Quiet and organized - just the way I like it.

Hendrick Family said...

I know! I've had several teachers tell me I was nuts for even suggesting that I fantasize about their job.

But that's when I'm quick to admit that I only want the phone chord key ring and the roll call book. I don't want to get up early and teach anything.

Oh...

And I decided I do like art when pictures make sense. Someone asked me about that yesterday.

When questioned about it I realized I LOVE paintings of pictures that I understand...that make a clear statement or that are of people. My mother in law is a great painter and I love everything she has given me...pictures of our houses, my kids...they are treasures to me.

But when I go to art galleries and see modern art...I just feel dumb and don't understand it.

So I would want to be a painter of pictures that people understand...and wear painter clothes.

The Kramer Family said...

I'm with you on the dancing! That is my dream job as a sinner in the flesh. I can see myself being some pop star's back-up dancer, totally!

I think I tell Jason this atleast once a week. He can immediately complete my sentence before I'm finished.

My other dream job is to be a Marine Biologist. I think it would be cool to wear a wetsuit and play with dolphins all day. That would be awesome!

Jennifer Bacak said...

As for art, that's why I love Norman Rockwell paintings! They make sense!
Lyns I could see you as somebody's fly girl too!
jenn

Heslip Twins said...

I would like to be a quality control person, like a taste tester, for a candy company...only if I would never get fat from eating so much candy! Or maybe just have my own show on Food Network, where I travel to all the candy stores all over the world and sample the goodies!

Aside from the candy, I'd also want to have a tv show and travel to the most beautiful places and the least visited places in the world, "What to do in..."

Kelly

Bethany said...

Heather,

I cracked up because these are my honest-to-goodness school keys I throw on my upper arm every morning!
http://pages.suddenlink.net/brod214/keys.jpg

My phone cord stretchy was even included in my new teacher gift bag!

I know it's not for everyone, but I love my crazy job.

Love your blog, Heather! You are one amazing woman.

Bethany

Melodi said...

1. Captain of a drumline - I'm sure someone, somewhere gets paid for this.

2. Something in the medical field - but I don't want to clean up vomit or have a boil spuirt stuff on me! I could be a medical transcriptionist, but I would want to have some time in an actual doctor office or hospital environment, because I love the mystery of it all. I LOVE the new shows Diagnosis X and Mystery Diagnosis! Rusty is probably groaning right now....

3. Professional nap taker.