Saturday, August 11, 2007
Top 5 Jobs I Fantasize About
Most days my favorite job is being a mommy.
I adore my boys saying words like, "actually". Big words coming out of tiny mouths...divine.
I love how Ashton only poops families. The only thing sweet about answering a long, drawn out, "Mooooommmmmmyyyyy" coming from the bathroom is that I know when I walk in there to wipe his white little hiney, Ashton's going to introduce me to the family unit floating in the potty.
"I pooped a mommy, a daddy and a baby." A big one, a medium one and a little one.
"I pooped brothers." Two the same size.
But, I won't lie or try to hide it...
There are times I find myself daydreaming about a different job.
These are tops on my list:
I know. I homeschool....so I am sort of a teacher.
But when I daydream, I'm a public school teacher.
What's interesting is that the ONLY parts of a public school teacher's job I want to do are...
Write my student's names in a teacher book...
last name first
And then take roll. Calling a name, and then putting a check mark next to that name in a little bitty box...woo-who! I get excited just typing that!
I would want to grade papers and put stickers on the A+ ones...and make eyes out of the zeros when kids get 100's.
I would also want to have keys to rooms like the teacher's lounge, the supply closet in the office and the theater. And, I would want to wear those keys on a florescent, lime green stretchy, phone cord bracelet.
My goal is to have enough kids in my house one day that I can rationalize buying a Mary Engelbright Teacher's book. Then I'm going to call roll everyday...and so help me, my kids better say "here" instead of "huh?" when I call their name!
2. Beauty Shop Lady
If I went to counseling, I'm sure a psychologist would easily link this fantasy to the fact that I love Steel Magnolias and wish I were related to Dolly Parton.
I love everything about beauty shops.
I would die to wear a black cape jacket to work every day.
I love foil.
I love the smell of nail polish, hair dye and nail polish remover.
I'm sure a psychologist would also find that if I wasn't saved, I would be a huffer.
I love the smell of gasoline too.
And sharpie markers.
I would give anything to be able to figure out how you run hair between two fingers and then cut that hair with scissors. It's a great mystery to me. It looks so easy, but when I go to do it on one of my kids, I can't...because my hands don't work right. The scissor, hand, hair combo takes skills people...skills I do not have.
3. Someone who saves the day with my quadlingual skills.
I dream about speaking several languages.
Okay, really...I think I just want to be the girl on James Bond movies. They are always tall and speak different languages.
Wait...really, maybe I don't even care about speaking other languages...maybe I just want an accent...but use that accent to speak in English...which just makes people think I obviously know other languages.
Yes. That's what it is.
The heart of that fantasy is that what I really want is to be Mini Driver.
4. A Dancer
I wish I meant a beautiful ballet dancer.
That would be so nice of me.
When I fantasize about dancing, it's always when I'm listening to rap music in the car.
I want to shake it like Christina Aguilera or Shakira.
One day, I want to get a group together and learn a hip hop dance routine.
And I mean a REAL hip hop dance routine.
Like - I don't want the instructor to be a Christian.
5. An Electric Guitar Player
I had no idea this was such a powerful dream of mine until last night.
I've always thought that girls who played the drums (like Kaycee, that's why we let her live with us) or the electric guitar (I don't know any girls who play electric guitar, or I would let them share rooms with Kaycee) were the COOLEST things on planet earth. But last night...wow...how cool I think those girls are just multiplied greatly.
Erin and Matt brought over Guitar Hero.
This is some sort of game you play on the TV...but you play it by PLAYING an electric guitar to some of the greatest hits of all time!
I have never felt hipper.
I've always wanted to be a Bangle...but I had no idea how badly I wanted to be one until last night.
Imagine, wearing a guitar...the cool ZZ top guitars and playing "We've Got the Beat!"
The music is loud
And you really feel like what you're doing with your fingers is making that noise...
But it feels like it is.
ROCK THE HOUSE.
You have to pull the neck of your guitar high in the air for extra points...and that also makes me feel extra awesome.
There's a whammy bar.
A Whammy BAR!
What are your job fantasies?
I would love to hear how deranged you are!