Monday, August 27, 2007
On Pooping at Your Friend's House
Well, everyone does.
And I think the more we hang out with each other the more we need to be reminded of this.
I believe my husband has always lead out in this area.
When he needs to go.
He just does.
And he announces it to the room.
He has even been known to answer his cell phone when he's doing that thing he does.
Our church secretary will call...Aaron says, "Word" or something else weird...
Then she will ask, "What are you doing?"
Never ask Aaron that question when you call him.
He replies to her...
"Takin' a dump."
Then Dianna screams and hangs up on him.
Then Aaron laughs.
This is the man that strangers say "intimidates them."
You know you have really been initiated into the Hendrick household if you have:
a. wiped Ashton's hiney.
b. been brought into the bathroom, by a cute little boy to show you his floating poop family, or to see that his poop is half green and half red.
I know this is a hard thing to talk about...but we must. I can feel you cringing...I'm cringing...
This is a delicate subject. It's something we all do, but never talk about...unless you're Aaron...or my brother.
But when you start having people at your house a bunch...the matter of pooing will need to be addressed.
I desperately wish there were some sort of handbook for this...or field guide.
I've been known to cut out of an event early because I feel the need to "go." I rush around, gathering our things, snap at the kids...and when we get in the car, Aaron says, "What's wrong with you...are you mad?"
I say..."No. I've got to poop."
I've been at people's house's and could tell that the husband was trying to rush us out of their home...because he needed to "go."
Please...men are SO easy to read.
I have three little boys...the signs for men are NO different.
They get sweaty, bouncy, talk in short bursts and become overly helpful.
At our house, we've designated the upstairs bathroom as the poo place. Just go! It's far away from civilization, fully loaded with Febreeze and toilet paper...and Aaron keeps his favorite reading material in there.
Febreeze...I love that stuff. Have you tried the kind that smells like fabric softener? What a great idea! Now you can go...spray and then if someone walks in, they just think our bathroom is full of fabulous smelling towels. Every time someone drops a doozy and sprays...I instantly become a laundry diva!
I'm thinking though that we need a new phrase...
New ways of saying we need to "go" without being as brave and daring as Aaron.
I would never announce to a large group of people that I need to "drop a load."
Turning into a transparent poop announcer will be a process like anything else in life.
We can't all expect to arrive at that coveted location overnight.
I was thinking we could all say, "I need to go apply Judges 3:24 to my life right now."
And then head upstairs.
We need some hospitable lingo for this bathroom reality.
No more awkward, "Where is so and so" and everyone knows where so and so is but doesn't want to make a big deal about it.
No more cutting out early only to make your wife pull over so you can poo at an Exxon instead of at your friend's house.
Let's be more like our kids...they just announce their bowel issues to everyone at Target.
They don't care...
Because they know...