Monday, June 18, 2007

Option Adoption


It's been an emotional week for us.

Last week, we once again thought I was pregnant.


Weird.


And right after we posted that post about getting the truck...getting the money.

Some of you may remember that last summer, this same thing happened to me. That's why we kept it to ourselves this time.

Last summer I thought I was pregnant.


Felt pregnant.

Took pregnancy tests.

They were positive.

Got blood work done.

No baby.

Same scenario happened last week.

When I took the positive tests, we were so confused.

We thought for sure that we were supposed to be adopting a baby next.

We were not trying to get pregnant.


God gave us the money.


Before getting the money, the ONLY reason we were going to try and have another biological child was because we didn't have the money to adopt.

Now we did.


Then three pregnancy tests said I was having a baby.

Then the blood work said we weren't.


After all of that was over, Aaron and I talked about what we were going to do.
We want children. I confessed to him that it's going to be hard for me if I really think I will NEVER get pregnant again. We make some stinkin' cute, and fabulous kids!

So here goes.

Here are all the things I threw up on Aaron when we had our final heart to heart about whether or not we were pursuing adoption, or birthing another baby.

1. I told Aaron that I like our kids and they are cute and I want a hundred more just like them. If I HAVE them, from my past record...these kids will be super duper and so fun and so smart and so talented and so cute...so why stop when you're on a roll?

Aaron said he wanted to adopt because we had already been given a HUGE privilege to birth three fantastic children and right now...there are other fantastic children out there who need homes.


2. I told Aaron that I'm scared we'll get a messed up kid. I told you I was going to be honest! What if they are dumb, or ugly, or have mental problems or webbed feet?


Aaron said, "Hayden has problems and you still love him. Can you imagine life without him?"


I couldn't.

And then it hit me that this was a faith issue. Do I trust Him? Do I believe that I really had nothing to do with the kids that came from my body...God did all that...he perfectly placed them inside me and then in our home, because this was the home where they would come to know Him?

If we adopt, God does not stop being sovereign. He does not stop being in control. We simply get to see Him move and place a child in our home without us having anything to do with it. Nothing! We weren't even the ones who will pay for that child! God did!


3. I told Aaron, just today actually, as we were writing our life's story on the adoption application... Wouldn't it just be easier to make a baby and be done with all this? It would be so much easier than doing all of this work...and so much cheaper...and so much more fun!

I knew I had him.

Anything with the phrase, "make a baby" in it was sure to persuade.

He did like that idea.


He looked up at me for a moment while he was sitting at the computer typing up an answer to a question...paused...and then went back to typing.


That was his answer.

4. What if after we adopt the baby, I want to birth another baby, will this kid feel weird being sandwiched in between biological kids?

Aaron said...

"That's stupid."

5. What if it's hard to feel like this baby is really mine? What if it's hard for our family to feel like this child is just as much a part of this family as any other child?

Aaron said, "I think that's silly. I think from fostering Danny, we were shown that our families responded well. We may all have to learn through this, but that's fine. We can! God may need to grow all of us."

6. Formula is expensive. I won't get to nurse this child, and they aren't a foster child, so that means we are going to have to BUY formula. What are we going to do?

Aaron said, "Heather, someone gave me a truck.  I think everything else is going to work out fine."

The other night, after hearing all my concerns Aaron said, "I want to do this, Heather. We want more kids. There is a need for adoptive homes. 



I'm sure I'll have a million more crisis of faith between now and when I die.


We chose to go through New Life, the adoption agency Jenn's mom is a part of in Houston.

It's close.


It's cheap.

They know exactly when the trainings will be, which works well for our crazy schedules.

They love the Lord and are seeking His face about where these babies need to grow up.

I love that.


For the next post about all this, I'll share with you our struggles initially with open adoptions, how the Lord changed our hearts, about keeping names birth mothers give their babies at birth...NOTHING has come easy in swallowing any of this.

Our first reaction, in our flesh has always been wrong and stupid.


Thankfully, God is patient.


Thankfully, His Word addresses every fear, every concern and every issue.

Pray for us!

This has been hard, especially for me.

Until going through this process, I had NO IDEA the amount of selfishness and pride that lives inside of me! No idea! I know God is not done in this area. Bring it, God! It hurts to see my insides and how dirty they are, but it feels good to flesh it out and let it go.

Forgiveness feels mighty fine.

We mail in our packet tomorrow!

13 comments:

Grandma said...

Papi and Grandma - always - to every child who lives under your roof.

We love you.

Williams Family said...

Heather,
Thanks for being honest. Your honesty helps me examine my life. I love it when people are honest! I will be praying for y'all. Just remember God is in control! We think we have control but we don't. I love you guys and thank you for being a wonderful couple that love the Lord with all your hearts!! Thank you for showing Justin and I how to do and don't do marriage. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

Ana

Jon, Sally, & Jude said...

God is doing a work in me through the work He's doing in you. Thank you for letting us watch. Thank you for obeying the Word, honoring your husband, and having the courage to be honest with us.
I still want to sit and talk through this some time. Face to face is much better. Let's set a date for August.

Kathryn, Michael & Alex said...

Praise God for babies.

Praise God for growing us and molding us even if it hurts.

Praise God for the Body to help us and hold us accountable.

D.O. said...

that's great. I love you guys. I mean that in a love sort of way, ya know?

Jennifer Bacak said...

I'm still crying from the part about me and Justus.
I have so much to say...I know that sharing about adoption with others is a huge part of our ministry in the Bacak household. At least once a month, someone comes to us and says "We want to get together and talk about adoption." I always answer "That's one of our favorite things to talk about!"
I have felt everything Heather just mentioned.
God has moved, and grown us through our adopting Justus and hopefully soon adopting Treston.
I said the same thing while filling out those forms...It would be so much easier to just birth another baby. (When in fact there is nothing easy about either of our pregnancies, Heather.) But God was clear in showing us He had already given us biological children. Now he had a different plan to grow our family, and his timing was perfect. He told us to adopt at a time when our family was in financial crisis. It made no sense. But God perfectly provided. He provided the money, he provided our adorable brown baby, he gave us a love and passion for birthmoms, and he gave us the faith and confidence in Him that we lacked.
I'm so excited about walking with you guys through this, it's almost as exciting as doing it ourselves!
And we have not forgotten what this process is like. We are here, and we are praying.
jenn

Karen said...

I must admit you and Aaron make some adorable little boys! But just think with adoption you can add some bows and dresses to the family! haha! I love yalls family ... your such a great example! I just love getting those little hugs from your boys too!

Jennifer Bacak said...

Okay, Karen, you just freaked Heather out a little more! She's probably trying to figure out how she can special order a boy at this point. (Which you can NOT do with New Life, by the way.)
But it is a funny thought, isn't it? Pink in the Hendrick house!!! I'm laughing out loud. (deep breath Heather.)
jenn

Hendrick Family said...

You're right! I never even think of girls as options. I have often said, I would be equally surprised if I had a girl or a goat.

But I guess that really is a possibility this time, isn't it.

That's so weird.

What would I do?

aggie07 said...

Heather I am so glad that I get to learn from you as you go through this. I am thankful that amazing people like you and Jenn are doing this now, so that when it is time for me to adopt, I can learn from your wisdom. I can't wait to see who God blesses your family with through this process!!
Amanda

King Family said...

Heather,

I am so behind on your blog. I just want to tell you how excited I am to walk through this next stage with you. Although I can't relate to what it is like to have biological children, I can understand all the other feelings you're having. I have had some very weird fears and selfish stuff go through my brain as we were in the process of our adoptions. But in every way, the Lord has exceeded our expectations and given us the perfect children for our family. I have often said I can't imagine loving them more if they had come out of my body, and I forget most of the time that they didn't come out of my body. They are truly mine in every way that matters and only God is capable of filling our hearts with that kind of love. Yours will be no different and I can't wait to meet him or her!

Anonymous said...

Heather,

It seems that you answered all your own questions, except for the one about wanting to breastfeed. But that is not a dream you would have to give upon, it is possible for adoptive mothers to breastfeed their children. Go to http://breast-feeding.adoption.com/ for more information.

Windelan Johnson

Tereasa said...

I just have to add one comment to Windelan's comment. If you plan to bring your breast milk back, start pumping soon. We thought we'd have a month or two to prepare for our adopted baby. "I'll start pumping when a birthmother chooses us." Sadly, we had three days notice. Milk doesn't come back overnight!