Thursday, May 24, 2007

Me and my Beloved Home Row


Do you know what it’s like growing up stinking at sports?

Well I do.

Because I really stink at them.

Except for kick ball.

I was so good at that game, I have vivid memories of being the first person picked by the team captains…heck…I was so good at kick ball, I usually was the team captain.

So I guess up until about fourth grade, I rocked at sports.

Except for that awful part of PE every year when they made you do as many pull ups as you could do in one minute.

I never even could do one.

Not one.

Really.

I was sure there was something medically wrong with my arms...or really my arm pits, because that's where it hurt. I’m also pretty sure I lied to everyone and told them that was the case, since my inability to do anything but plummet to the ground when the coach blew on her whistle was mortifying to me.

I remember being in about eighth grade, well into the years of feeling horrible because I had no athletic skills, daydreaming about starting a marketing campaign to bring back kick ball in junior high.

This was right after I went from the A team in volleyball to the B team and then to the C team all in one week. I began fantasizing about kick ball coming back after the jr. high coach told me, upon demoting me three times in one week, that I got on the A team because I looked athletic and I was good friends with all the A team girls, but that I really needed some practice and determination if I was going to climb the volleyball ladder.

It hurt at the time, but now I know that she-man guy lady was a prophet. She was just predicting a life as an actress…someone who could look the part and play the part…just not hit a real ball over a real net.

How could I make kick ball a junior high thing?

I had lots of ideas.

I wanted to make posters of myself holding a kick ball, smiling with my colorful braces, lion mane hair, and scattered acne, giving a big thumbs up.

Under my picture would read:

Kick Ball
It’s for
Kool Kids

or

Kick Ball
Not Just for Kindergarten

I tried to figure out which celebrities I should write to who would help me usher in the kick ball madness in my middle school.

I was a big fan of writing celebrities at that age, because when the TV people quit showing Private Benjamin, I got so upset about it I told one of my teachers, and she told me to write to the show, sharing my disappointment. They sent me a big picture of Goldie Hawn and told me they were sorry, but now Ghostbusters, the cartoon, would be coming on every day at the time when I normally ate jalapeƱo chips and watched that mean lady yell at funny Private Benjamin. Private Benjamin was my hero because she stunk at things like sweating and running.

Maybe funny Private Benjamin would hold a kick ball and smile. This could work.

No wonder I don’t know when to use me or I in sentences. I’m sure my teachers taught me…unfortunately, I was starting kick ball revolutions in my mind.

But you know what I was wicked good at growing up?

Typing.

Yep.

Typing.

Unfortunately, having mean typing skills is not something public schools celebrate or appluad. I never got to be voted, "Most Likely to Become a Transcriptionist or a Court Reporter." Maybe that's why we homeschool. I'm sure that's what I would find out if I went to counseling.

When girls would make laps around me on the track…and I mean, even the big girls ran circles around me…it was all I could do to keep myself from shouting, “Yeah…so…I can keyboard! And I don't mean keyboard as in the cool music one...I mean the computer one!”

When girls would spike volleyballs towards me and I would run out of the way, never ever considering that I should run towards that fast moving object, instead of away from it, I wanted to yell back at the coach standing on the side lines, “Stop screaming at me! Maybe I stink at this…but I can type fast!”

When I hit 8 people in a row because everyone who could pitch on my softball team was absent, to cheer myself up as I walked off the field, I kept saying, “Maybe you can’t throw a ball straight…but come on…no one can do Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing like you can, Heather. NO ONE!”

If the world only knew.

I’m sure it was wrong to daydream about a terrorist taking over my school, and the only reason why we all got to see our parents and eat pizza again was because I could type crazy fast letters to the outside world before the gunmen came back into the room where we were being held hostage. I’m sure it was wrong to imagine all the popular athletes hugging me and thanking God for my fast fingers.

It might not have been wrong, but it was definitely cheesy, to imagine my story of saving my school with my computer clickety-clacking skills being made into a movie…and having the credits at the end of the movie rolling over a picture of me, holding out my amazing, swift typing hands. The girl who would play me in the movie would have pretty hands...because mine look like a short granny's hands.

One time, on a college paper, I wrote at the top:

I should get extra credit because not only is this a great paper, I also typed it very fast. The professor added a point. No joke.

So what’s your unsung talent? Sing it now, or forever hold your peace…or you know…keep daydreaming that a movie is going to be made about you.

20 comments:

Ryan Price said...

WOW... I was really wondering what the whole point of this post was. I kept trying to figure out what the spiritual connection was going to be. Never found one...

But, immediately I was reminded how much I stink at sports! This was displayed yesterday when I attempted to play some basketball at your house. Yeah... that didn't happen. I must say though... Aaron really impressed me. I was under the impression that he was as bad at sports as I was... which really made me feel good. Now, however, I'm kinda feeling all alone in that again. Oh well...

Hendrick Family said...

Yep...but Ryan, really...

You have your thing. You're wicked good at the real keyboard...you know...the cool music one...not the computer one.

You have nothing more to prove to the world. When someone schools you in basketball, too bad you can't just yank out a keyboard...play it on the b ball court and say, "In your face."

Too bad those piano guitars went out in the 80's and didn't come back in with side ponies and the leggings. That could have been great for you.

And I just typed all that in like 30 seconds.

Hendrick Family said...

Oh...and Ryan...

I'm sorry you're just finding out that Aaron is wicked good at everything. It's a sad truth that he tries to keep hidden from the rest of the world. If everyone knew how amazing he was at so many things, we would all start wearing scarlet letters...except, our letter would NOT be an A. Oh no. It would be an L for losers.

Being married to such a man as he is hard.

Heather

Anonymous said...

You are so funny.

I share the typing talent, and the TOTAL (and I do mean TOTAL) lack of athletic skills. My mom started transcribing for a court reporter when I was 6 or 7, so I did these little typing tutor things on this ancient computer with all green font.

And, just for the record, I was voted by my senior class "Most Likely to Have the Most Children." So far, I do. I graduated ten years ago with 44 people. Three of them each have one child; I have three. I'm sure they think I'm weird because I stay home, homeschool and they are all doctors and lawyers, but I'll take my three kids any day over wordly success.

Aimee

Kathryn, Michael & Alex said...

I once wrote a letter to Tom Selleck because I loved Magnum PI. I sent him my picture and everything. He wrote me back, but I think it was a form letter.

I also wrote ABC once when I was ten years old because a Barbara Walters special pre-emptied Charlies Angels and I was devastated.

I too am horrible at sports except kickball. There is something really cool about kicking that ball as hard as possible, total rush.

We still get to play in children's worship and I got a home run.

I guess my hidden talent is the ability to remember everything. They could make a movie and I could be the bionic woman with a steel trap for a brain.

Leslie Moore said...

Howdy...this is Leslie...Clayton Wakefield's girlfriend...I've been stalking your blog for a while now and love it (yes, I know that must make you feel warm and cozy inside), and today I had to break down and post a comment because I LOVE TO TYPE TOO! I'm glad I'm not alone. :-) If you need help cleaning your new house, I love to clean as well.

Hendrick Family said...

Ah Leslie! Fun, female, non-creepy stalkers are ALWAYS welcome on the Hendrick blog.

I'm glad you came out of the closet!

And typing rocks.

Heather

Halei said...

HAHAHA, I'm with Ryan. I was reading this thinking...what awesome way is Heather going to tie this in with God!! LOL!!

I suck at sports too!! But I can read really fast! People always think I am skimming because I'll just be done!

And I'm pretty good at reading over material right before a test and having a picture of it in my brain...which does NOT help my study skills at all! Add that to super fast reading and you have "Halei studying for midterms one hour before the actual exam" I'm trying to change...really I am!

Rachel said...

I share the secret crazy fast typing skills. It only took me two seconds to type that sentence. In high school, I utilized this skill for money, working at our local newspaper as a typesetter. I typed in birth announcements, letters to the editor, obituaries (actually, I wrote those, not just re-typing them), etc. so they would be in the computer for formatting. I also one 4th place in district BCIS competition (basically just really fast typing and formatting documents).

Wow, I'm such a nerd. And since I stink at sports like some other ladies, I lettered in editorial writing in high school. Even more awesome.

Garratts said...

This post is really making me crack up.

I nearly wet my pants when you were talking about the physical fitness tests at the end of the year in PE class.

But unfortunately I cannot relate because that was my favortie part of PE. I loved the shuttle run.

Ash

Garratts said...

But I really like to type too.

Ashley

King Family said...

Heather,

I love this funny post. It actually made me laugh out loud, which I refuse to abbreviate to LOL because I am, oh I don't know, over 30 years old and not a cool, hip college student. Anyway, I loved your post. I'm not totally sure what my secret talents are. I can speed-read. I read the last Harry Potter in about 7 hours (it's 650 pages). I can also paint an entire room in my house without taping or moving the furniture out. Not sure if that amounts to anything. One other question...do you ever go back and read comments on old blogs? I am a little late in responding to some stuff, but I guess I can just email ya.

Hendrick Family said...

Staci! Your first comment ever on my blog.

Yes...I do read old comments.

And...the painting skill...that's a good one that should win awards in my book.

I hate that blue tape. It takes longer than the painting.

Ber said...

i'm amazed at how many of us owned the lady known as mavis beacon.

i say we get a living hope typing contest together.

surely you could tie in the word 'beacon' and make it uber-spiritual. and we could even do things that would be effective....that way it's not like it's REALLY a pride thing...just a servant thing....

;) ummmm....maybe i shouldn't make jokes like this.

[sidenote: this may or may not make you real giddy. i'm at staff training for sky ranch, and we had to do this whole 'evaluate yourself' thing....all sorts of introspection about the five things that had most positively affected my development, and the five that had most negatively affected my development ((which has nothing to do with the good part of this, i just figured i should give you the background of it all))....and then we had to write out our definition of a Godly woman. i felt like i was regurgitating everything you taught me this semester. it was beautiful. i cried when i was done...because it was like i had to truly put into words what all i had learned, and i saw the beauty of mentors and all things of that nature, and don't really think i had realized how much i truly did LEARN. [and, megan hull and i discussed the fact that our definition of a Godly woman was bound to be way better than the other 200 girls. we're not prideful....we just know that you rock.)) and, also wanted to tell you that one of my top 5 in my personal development was this past semester in your class/with kirby.]

yay Jesus.

Hendrick Family said...

Made my day, Amber! I could not be more proud of you. I can't wait to hear how God uses you this summer. You better keep me posted. Is Megan there with you?

Now everyone can be very proud that this post has something to do with Jesus, Amber!

Heather

Melodi said...

I do enjoy typing, but I can't hold a candle to "lightning fingers" over here. That's what we always call Mark. It's scary how fast he can type when he gets going. I guess my hidden skill is not very hidden to people who have played board games with me, because I SCREAM when I know an answer. No, it's not board games in general, but word games, like Mad Gab, Catch Phrase, Taboo, etc. I love big group games like that! I did play sports, particularly basketball and softball, and did well, but I STUNK at those President's Physical Fitness thingies!!! I never took a single PE class in school, because I played basketball, but in elementary school they made us do those stupid pull-ups and sit-ups every time that program came around. I DREADED it. Kickball rocks, no matter what age you are.

aggie07 said...

Heather, i totally stink at sports too...Jenn goes jogging and I am like man, I even stink at that...Anyway, i wanted to tell you that I loved that you are using the phrase "wicked good". You can come visit me after I move to Boston and use your NE english!!
Amanda

Bill, Heather, and Company said...

No extraordinary talents or abilities here. I am the pster child for average.

Perhaps the one thing I may be extraordinary at is helping.

I might not have all the skills, but put with someone who does and watch out!

That's it... I am the world's best sidekick!

That and driving.... i like driving.

mandy said...

i am cracking up over here!
my hidden talent would be how fast i can type and then delete letters because i misspelled half of what i typed. that there took me...oh...20 seconds but i retyped it 3 times.

Heslip Twins said...

I love to type, and usually type fast except lately I'm having to type with one hand because I'm holding a baby!
I was good at running the bases in softball. I have short legs, but I had the uncanny ability to beat the throw to first. Maybe that's why my coach always gave me the signal to bunt. I became good at that too. So if anyone needs a girl for their softball team, I would love the exercise.
Kelly