Saturday, February 17, 2007

Mama Said Knock You Out!


I just woke up from a NAP!!!

Yep!

A real one!

For TWO WHOLE hours!!

I had to stop typing and clap!

No one in my house woke me up.

No criminals knocked on my front door wanting me to buy magazines from them.

The telephone did not ring. Now that Homie is "gone" and can't possibly eat them, I always put all the phones on the back porch when I attempt a nap stunt like I did today...but I still kind of hear them. I do all this because I can't figure out how to turn the ringers off.

I tried to take a nap today and I actually succeeded!

I know the motto goes, "When at first you don't succeed, try, try again..." WHATEVER! The exclusion clause for that motto is napping. Instead, my nap motto is, "You never succeed, so just forget it and fold some laundry."

I am feeling so fine because I not only got to get in the bed, but I actually fell asleep in it!

I know I fell asleep because I had a dream about hanging signs on people. I think their signs had their addresses on them. I've been looking at too many MLS listings.

The nap was excessively lovely.

The constellation of just the right elements has not lined up for me in about the last six months to ensure a nap of this magnitude.

Sometimes on Thursdays, I try to take a nap, but then come the criminals...or Ashton suddenly boycotts his nap for the day...or I begin decorating my friend's houses in my mind, choosing paint colors and knocking down some of their walls...or I start going through all the cabinets of a house I lived in when I was in second grade, remembering where we kept the Q-tips and the Dippity Doo. I know. Weird.

But today...oh bliss...today...the heavens smiled down upon me.

Woo-who!

Granted, being sick may have helped the falling asleep part. I have a mini version of what Aaron and Anson sneezed into my strawberry salad.

And, taking 1 caplet of medication that actually contains the knock you out serum helped too.

Aaron had to buy it behind the counter and sign a piece of paper that said he is indeed a grown man, who promises not to make drugs or talk to anyone who does...or look at them...or think about them.

Buying the good drugs is now a lot like doing your taxes.

But all the paperwork was worth it for my two hours of unconsciousness and weird daytime dreams.

I already told the box of medication thank you…but now I’m going to go and tell the phones, the front door and squeeze all my kids for not having any emergencies. Right after I drifted off, no one came to tell me their hair was hurting (one of Hayden's favorites) or that they did something in the bathroom that requires my immediate attention.

This is such a great moment for me, I actually hear the Globetrotter’s theme song playing while I’m typing this.

My head is turned to one side…

Ah…my life is good…real good.

I love green liquid gel caps and naps...and convicted criminals staying away for a couple hours...and kids staying in their beds...and satellite sellers not calling me.

This is such a big deal! I wish I had a better way to celebrate than eating a bunch of my Whitman's Sampler and chanting, "I feel good, oh I feel so good...(grunt and arm gesture)."

But I guess those will have to do.

I'm set for the next six months.

6 comments:

D.O. said...

I'm actually really good at naps. It's one of my strong points. Sleeping in general really. I'm good at it.

I'm glad you were able to enjoy yourself a well-deserved nap.

UW said...

Well I will tell you this...I take naps everyday and I would suggest everyone do it. You just have to work about 5600 hours straight then you can take the time off to do nothing and nap.

Melodi said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! I'm very, very happy for you. It was well-deserved and a long-time coming. Hey! I found out that at the Target pharmacy, you DON'T have to fill out forms that are a mile long to get those good drugs!!! You only have to sign your name with that electronic pen thing - you know, the kind that NO ONE can possibly have good handwriting with??? It's awesome! I think it's worth the trip there just for that!

Karen said...

Happy nap day Heather! It is soooo good when you get to slip one in your day! I hope that you and the rest of the clan are FINALLY all feeling better! I was wondering the name of the song from the offering today?

Jennifer Bacak said...

You know what I wish I was doing right now? TAKING A NAP. Yeah, but I'm not. But you know how I love them.
And Rusty loves the folks at Target Pharmacy, so I will back Melodi's endorsement for Target Pharmacy. Throw them some business, and tell them Dr. Bacak sent you. They like us.
jenn

Kathryn Berilla said...

I took a nap last Friday because Michael was sick and I was home with him.
It was a wonderful two hour nap and when I woke up I had that feeling of 'where am I and what day is it" and when I realized what I had done...I was happy.