Thursday, July 20, 2006

This is in our back yard!


I can not believe this has happened in the Hendrick house.


A dog.


Is here.

In my back yard.

Running around on our grass.

Lifting his leg on our plastic pool.

My boys have been working on me FOR A LONG TIME about getting a dog.

Four boys. No dog.

They seem to think something is wrong with that picture.


During many trips around this great town, the subject of dog has come up. I try to turn up the radio, or pretend I'm on the phone. I think they are on to me.

Anson will say, "Mom, can we have a dog?"

Just the mention of the word, "dog" sends me into a well rehearsed list of all the reasons we simply should not own one.

They lick you, and no one seems to care.


This bothers me.

Especially considering that some people treat dogs like children.

BELIEVE me, if I went to ANYONE'S house and their two year old jumped into my lap and starting licking my face...I would not like it OR pretend like it's no big deal. I would not go on with my converstation. Nope. That would be a show stopper. So, why do wanna-be children dogs get to do this?


Not to mention that I am no fan of exposed private parts. Dogs have those. Ick.

Besides, I'm all about giving things a trial run. That's why we got ducks. If I hated them, we could dump them. I did hate them, so we dumped them. It was super.

I would only get a dog if after 30 days, I wasn't satisfied, I could return the product for a full refund.
Since dogs are not like Proactive, I didn't think we would ever actually get one.

Until this dog came along. If we don't like him, I can give him back. Sounds great.

During one ride around town, I told the boys that we could only try this dog if some things were understood about this stinky thing right up front.

Our conversation went like this:

Mom: If we get a dog, it can not come in the house. NOTHING with an exposed hiney hole is EVER going to set it's exposed hiney hole on any floor in my house. NEVER.

Boys: Fine. But, Ashton sits naked on our floor.

This is when I reminded them that Ashton has cheeks on his hiney that keep his hiney hole neatly hidden away...that's the only reason we keep him.

Mom: I will hardly ever want to touch it.

Boys: That's fine.

Mom: I don't want to feed it.

Anson: I'll feed it. Do I get money?

Mom: No.


Anson: It's still fine.

Mom: I don't want to give it water.

Same money conversation...and the answer was still no. Anson was unwavering.

Mom: It will not ride in my car. Hiney hole on upolstery. I don't think so.

Boys: Fine.

Mom: I won't like it.

Boys: We'll like it.

So, he's here.

He arrived with the name of Fletcher. However, it seems he is unaware that's his name.

Hayden is obviously unaware as well that dogs have names that are not up for debate every time you call them.
He's called the dog a different name every time he's referenced his new friend. A minute ago, Hayden called Fletcher, "Electric." Bizarre.

So, if he is going to stay, we will need to find a new name for him. I really do like the name, Fletcher, but nothing can be Hendrick with out a name that starts with an H or an A. That's just the rule. This rule is as unwavering as the one about exposed rear ends.


And besides, every time Ashton says the name, Fletcher, we really should beep it out.

So, if the dog stays, we will need a new name. That's the contest. Whoever wins will get to brag that they got to name the Hendrick beast. We will take a picture of you with the dog and hang it on our wall to remain as long as the dog does.

All entries will have to be "tried out" by Ashton to make sure his version doesn't sound like something R-rated. The rule about unedifying language will remain...dog or no dog.

The boys will pick their favorite three from all the submitted entries. Then everyone can vote on the final name.

Because of this new thing in our back yard, today Hayden has fixated on the fact that this dog poops outside...and that this is perfectly ok. He can not get over it. Since the dog arrived, he has asked me, non stop...

Does a monkey poop?


Yes.

Does a snake poop?

Yes.


Does a watermelon poop?


No.


Does a door poop?

No.

Does a book poop?

No.

Does a snail poop?

Yes.

Does a finger poop?

No.

Do fish poop?

Yes.

He needs to know. Every thing or object that comes to mind today...he has a desperate need to know if it poops. See...this dog is already causing problems. However, I have to hand it to no-name...he's kept the Hendrick boys outside all afternoon even though it is 450 degrees out there. Whoa...my goodness...for a brief second, I think I felt the slightest hint of "like" for what's his name. Nope. Nope. Nevermind. It passed.

33 comments:

The Garratts said...

How about Hiney Hole?
I know!! No way!

anhayston?--all your kids names.
Too hard?

How about DUKE?!?

BHG & Co. said...

It sounds like it may be time for Aaron to read one of favorite books to Hayden... you know the one, Everyone poops. It may pacify the "what poops" dilemma, then again, who knows?!

As for names... I have always considered "Azlan" (way before the movie), but could never really give that to a dog... "Hiney" starts with an H, so it qualifies... it also lends itself to all sorts of nicknames, many of which you have already mentioned: "Hiney-hole" "Bare-hiney".

If "Hiney" doesn't work than what about "Henry" (he kind of looks British), "Hank" or "Re-run" i know that last one won't work... i just wanted to indulge in a "Good Times" flaskback.

"Arthur" "Arty"... those are the ones popping (one "o") in my head at the moment. I will let you know if anything else presents itself.

Talk to you soon.... oh by the way, happy anniversary.

Grandma said...

I read a long time ago that you should name a dog a one-syllable name, and one that doesn't sound like any command you might want him to obey. Like you shouldn't name him Spit. Or Fletch.

I like House. House Dog.

--matt g said...

you need to call the dog "Amen" or "A. Man" or "Hey,Man!" i don't care which spelling you use...but i did the math (or language?) and phonetically it's the best name for a Hendrick dog.

Karen said...

So exciting about the dog! Im sure he will grow on you Heather! Hope you two had a wonderfully blessed 10 year anniversary! YEA! Congrats!

BHG & Co. said...

Your dog looks a lot like the dragon-thingy from The Neverending Story. I don't remember his name though... there was an Artreue (Ar-tre-yu) in the movie, though I don't think it was the "luck-dragon". If you named him that, Arty or Art would still work.

Your Homie for Life! said...

How cool that you are trying the Dog adventure out! We have a dog. Her name is Asia! She stays inside (Kitchen Only). We love her. Anika said Hayden should name his dog Hercules.

rachel said...

I think Hobo (you know like the guys that ride on trains) sounds like a good Hendrick dog name, so that's my vote.

Aaron said...

I personally like the name Tucker, but I'm aware that it does not start with an "A" or "H" so I guess it won't work.

Here are my "A" and "H" names:

1. Hugh - since he's English (like Hugh Grant)

2. Aeon (pronounced "Eon") - Because really his name would start with that letter that is an "A" that is smooshed up against an "E" ... you know ... this thing: Æ

3. Hagrid - Just because I like that name from Harry Potter

4. Angus - A cool "A" name

5. Hatcher - Just in case he does know that his current name is Fletcher, maybe he'll just think we're saying it wrong ... or maybe he won't notice

So what do you say?
Are any of those cool names?
Will I get to name my own dog?

wingnut said...

Falcor is the dog-dragon from the Never-ending story. So that one won't work. I can't think of anything better than what has already been mentioned, but I just wanted to let everyone know what the dragon's name was.

Hendrick Family said...

FALCOR!

What would we do with out you, Matt? I mean wingnut.

I could not think of that dragon's name...BUT...Bill...that is the FIRST thing I thought when I saw this dog!

Maybe we could call him ALCOR since he almost looks like Falcor, and Alcor is almost Falcor.

But Alcor sounds like Al Gore...and I think Aaron would veto it even if Alcor got chosen!

The boys are having a GREAT time with this! They can't wait to vote.

And...thanks for submitting your ideas, Honey...but you know the rules...the boys get to decide...EVEN IF you are the one feeding us around here. We love you and will add your great names to the chalk board.

Wife

wingnut said...

Hooper is one, and maybe Hello
Just a couple of suggestions contributed by someone I was talking to.

winslows04 said...

Aaron,

I like the Aeon thing, its funny I was thinking of "Aesop" for very similar reasons (people would be like "why didn't you name the dog with an A or an H" and you will be like "aesop starts with an A, it's that whole AE thing" and that could be cool, the whole trickery thing -nevermind, that was stupid, it sounded lots better in my head).

I also like Angus, but doesn't it make you think of eating beef? Wouldn't you look at your dog and be like, mmmm Angus.....
(just kidding, I would never eat a dog-- knowingly of course, I hear rumors of chinese food being part dog, but that's a chow dog i think, but I digress.

You could also go with
Abracadabra -- hey, its silly and kids are silly, and besides how many dogs do you know named abracadabra?
Or
Hulk -- who doesn't like the Hulk?

Matt

The Garratts said...

oK no one told me it had to be an A or H name.

So I still like Hiney!!!
But what about hammock or hobby.
Or America, Amazon, Abacus!!

Who am I kidding, it has to be hiney. Wendy & Eric have a dog named honky, so you can sooo have hiney.

wingnut said...

Now I think that no matter what you name it, some of us will always call it Hiney!

What about Happy? Too popular?

Maybe Axle?

I like Abracadabra - seems to fit. I can hear the kids saying that.

Lyns said...

Okay, Lyns is finally in da house! I am now a proud owner of internet in Brenham! I've missed the blog world terribly and the word on the street is that it has missed me too!!!

This one has me all cracked up. I think that since I am naming this dog for now a second time, that should count for something. And the boys know that without Aunt Lyns and Uncle Jason there would be no 'No Name Hiney Alcor Hugh Abracadabra'.

My most favorite dog name of ALL TIME is 'Allister'. It just so happens to start with an A and I am willing to sacrifice this one at the expense of him being welcomed correctly into the Hendrick home. Plus, I may need some of Heather's cute girl names that she has came up with in the future. You could even call him 'Big Al' for short.

But, I have to admit. When I first laid eyes on 'Fletcher' I could not deny the resemblence to that of the dog on The Neverending Story. It is hilarious to me. So, if you were willing to comprimise the A & H thing, the name 'Falcor' would be a no-brainer.

I also think it would be funny if his name were 'Amen'. Just think how hilarious that one sounds. "AMEN!!!! Why did you tinkle on my bougainvillea?" I love it!

Allister is my suggestion for a name. 'Hiney' gives me horrible pictures in my head after reading your post. But, I will say that the next dog that we have, will be named 'Re-run'. That is the best!

See you around!

Anonymous said...

I think you could name it Anus...it goes with the whole hiney hole bit and starts with an "A". But you could change the spelling around and maybe pronounce it different like Annoos, with an emphasis on the "oo". Or Aanus, with and inflection on the "a". The boys would never know!

Hendrick Family said...

Lynsey! I'm SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK! I have missed you terribly online, even though we talk every day in person.

Welcome home!

The Dornaks said...

Yipppeee...Heather has a dog! HAH! I know...I know...it's not "yours".

I like Falcor; however, please make sure Ashton can say this name. From what you said in your blog, this name could pose a problem.

You have alot to choose from here. Instead of "movie" night tonight, you should have "name your dog night". It might just take that long to choose one with your creative boys and all of these names!

More names to throw in...
(what a privilege it would be to have my picture taken with your now famous dog).

Heinz (b/c your kids LOVE ketchup)
Hotdog (b/c he will probably die of heat exhaustion anyway)
Horatio (just kidding)
Homey (what up?!)
Homeboy (can you imagine Heather yelling this across the yard.."Get out of my plants Homeboy!!")
Amigo (he's your friend, right Heather?)

Not H or A names...
Pickles
Sonic (b/c you live there)
Ketchup (b/c your kids LOVE ketchup)

That's my two cents... or eight cents.
Judy

BHG & Co. said...

Falcor!! That's right... Falcor, the luck-dragon. But if we are going to stick with A or H than how about "Hooch", you know from the Tom Hanks movie... although Hooch is also slang for certain alcoholic beverages (at least it is in hillbilly movies and maybe Dukes of Hazard) so it may not go over very well.

I like Aaron's names.. especially Hagrid.

I laughed most at the suggestion of Anus.... WAY TO GO ANONYMOUS!

Kudos also go out to Hobo... the more I see other suggestions, the more I think I am going to lose this thing... unless we go with Hiney.... technically, I was the first to suggest that one :)

Abracadabra, although it was suggested by a Winslow, is cute, but the letters would not fit around the waterbowl.... the last A would have to also be the first A, and then you have a problem deciding if it should be a capital A or not, since it would be first and last... "A" or "a". MAN! that's a lose-lose situation. So sorry, "Hulk", it's not looking good for "Abracadabra "

B

Jennifer Bacak said...

Wow! Much time and energy has gone into this already...
Rusty was thinking Astroid.
Or hemorrhoid.
Both well-within the A or H rule.
But I think he's just glad that the name Rusty is not in the running.
jenn

The Groves said...

We vote for the name HAMPER.

It fits perfectly under these a or H RULES and we have always thought that is one of funniest words.

Just say it out loud a few times...hopefully you think it's as funny as we do! :)

Hendrick Family said...

Rumor has it that Anonymous is Jenny Couch!

That means she submitted "Anus" from the church office today.

Funny!

The deadline to submit dog names is tonight at midnight.

We will decide tomorrow, over Saturday morning Pop Tarts what we will call the dog when we go outside to greet him. (Jenn, my fat friend in a skinny body is rubbing off on me with this silly food thing).

You can meet our dog over Sunday night pancakes (if our kids are not still puking.)

Our chalk board is FULL!! You guys are so great.

Hendrick Family said...

Oh...and my vote was Hoo-do.

the groves said...

We have a blog now.. :)

Since this comment section is so popular I thought it would be a good place to advertise!

Vanessa Brooks said...

This blog is incredibly funny. Heather you are a hoot. I also have an incredible distaste for "hiney holes". Sick out.

--matt g said...

I VOTE FALCOR...you have to go with FALCOR..i mean...that's the coolest name ever. he looks like Falcor...and that was one of my favorite movies ever...observe...

Turn around, look at what you see
In her face, the mirror of your dreams
Make believe I'm everywhere, living in your eyes
Written on the pages is the answer to our neverending story

Reach the stars, fly a fantasy
Dream a dream, and what you see will be
Lives that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds
And there upon the rainbow is the answer to our neverending story

Show no fear, for she may fade away
In your hand, the birth of a new day
Lives that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds
And there upon the rainbow is the answer to our neverending story

Lyns said...

I have been forever confused as to what the words to this very song say. Until now!! For the longest time this was one of those songs that you would put substitute words in when you didn't know what it said. But not any more! Thanks 'Att Graham'!

I am really hoping that the Hendrick parents do the right thing here and not let their kiddos name their dog after a grotesque body part.

Oh some more names are coming to me! I hope these make it up on the chalkboard:

Alf
Ace
Achilles
AMIGO (THIS IS THE BEST!!!)
Attaboy (Jason's fav word!)

Hank
Happy
Hercules
Hot Dog (after me & Aaron's favorite food!!)
Herbie

Okay, there you have it. I'm pulling for 'AMIGO'. I'm thinking that Anson's love for Spanish and this being his new friend might put this one in the running.

Lyns said...

Okay, sorry. Judy- I didn't see that I had repeated some of your most cool name choices!!! HMMMMMM...... did we both google the same thing!?!?! I know we are both google addicts. Just curious.

BHG & Co. said...

Google?!? You used Google for a dog name contest... That's just wrong, and a bit desperate!

By the way... Asteroid was mentioned and it made me think of the Jetson's dog "Astro"

Hoo-do is pretty cool, but I think it is technically spelled "Who-do"

And... do I get credit for Falcor, or partial credit, or does wingnut get all the credit for what (although outside the established boundaries) seems to be the most popular name EVER!! (Though I appreciate Lyns' appreciation for the "Re-run" suggestion).

:)

The Garratts said...

Ok seriously Bill you cannot take credit for Hiney, that was totally the Garratts. We commented first. So we win if it is Hiney.

Don't try and steal it!!! I know where you live.

BHG & Co. said...

How can you say that? I am shocked! Go back up and read the record... you suggested "Hiney Hole"... and I suggested (before seeing your post (you merely hit enter before I did) "Hiney" It's all there...... I dare you to come and do somethin about it...

:)

sarah said...

i know this is down to the wire but i'm gonna throw HANK in the running.

reasons:
he looks like a hank. (i don't know about falcor--that movie always freaked me out)

there are books about Hank the Cow-dog, which oddly enough i was obsessed about when i was little.

its short and sweet

Hank is a classic name that you don't really use on people anymore--so why not spread the Hank love onto animals!?!