Thursday, July 20, 2006
This is in our back yard!
I can not believe this has happened in the Hendrick house.
In my back yard.
Running around on our grass.
Lifting his leg on our plastic pool.
My boys have been working on me FOR A LONG TIME about getting a dog.
Four boys. No dog.
They seem to think something is wrong with that picture.
During many trips around this great town, the subject of dog has come up. I try to turn up the radio, or pretend I'm on the phone. I think they are on to me.
Anson will say, "Mom, can we have a dog?"
Just the mention of the word, "dog" sends me into a well rehearsed list of all the reasons we simply should not own one.
They lick you, and no one seems to care.
This bothers me.
Especially considering that some people treat dogs like children.
BELIEVE me, if I went to ANYONE'S house and their two year old jumped into my lap and starting licking my face...I would not like it OR pretend like it's no big deal. I would not go on with my converstation. Nope. That would be a show stopper. So, why do wanna-be children dogs get to do this?
Not to mention that I am no fan of exposed private parts. Dogs have those. Ick.
Besides, I'm all about giving things a trial run. That's why we got ducks. If I hated them, we could dump them. I did hate them, so we dumped them. It was super.
I would only get a dog if after 30 days, I wasn't satisfied, I could return the product for a full refund. Since dogs are not like Proactive, I didn't think we would ever actually get one.
Until this dog came along. If we don't like him, I can give him back. Sounds great.
During one ride around town, I told the boys that we could only try this dog if some things were understood about this stinky thing right up front.
Our conversation went like this:
Mom: If we get a dog, it can not come in the house. NOTHING with an exposed hiney hole is EVER going to set it's exposed hiney hole on any floor in my house. NEVER.
Boys: Fine. But, Ashton sits naked on our floor.
This is when I reminded them that Ashton has cheeks on his hiney that keep his hiney hole neatly hidden away...that's the only reason we keep him.
Mom: I will hardly ever want to touch it.
Boys: That's fine.
Mom: I don't want to feed it.
Anson: I'll feed it. Do I get money?
Anson: It's still fine.
Mom: I don't want to give it water.
Same money conversation...and the answer was still no. Anson was unwavering.
Mom: It will not ride in my car. Hiney hole on upolstery. I don't think so.
Mom: I won't like it.
Boys: We'll like it.
So, he's here.
He arrived with the name of Fletcher. However, it seems he is unaware that's his name.
Hayden is obviously unaware as well that dogs have names that are not up for debate every time you call them. He's called the dog a different name every time he's referenced his new friend. A minute ago, Hayden called Fletcher, "Electric." Bizarre.
So, if he is going to stay, we will need to find a new name for him. I really do like the name, Fletcher, but nothing can be Hendrick with out a name that starts with an H or an A. That's just the rule. This rule is as unwavering as the one about exposed rear ends.
And besides, every time Ashton says the name, Fletcher, we really should beep it out.
So, if the dog stays, we will need a new name. That's the contest. Whoever wins will get to brag that they got to name the Hendrick beast. We will take a picture of you with the dog and hang it on our wall to remain as long as the dog does.
All entries will have to be "tried out" by Ashton to make sure his version doesn't sound like something R-rated. The rule about unedifying language will remain...dog or no dog.
The boys will pick their favorite three from all the submitted entries. Then everyone can vote on the final name.
Because of this new thing in our back yard, today Hayden has fixated on the fact that this dog poops outside...and that this is perfectly ok. He can not get over it. Since the dog arrived, he has asked me, non stop...
Does a monkey poop?
Does a snake poop?
Does a watermelon poop?
Does a door poop?
Does a book poop?
Does a snail poop?
Does a finger poop?
Do fish poop?
He needs to know. Every thing or object that comes to mind today...he has a desperate need to know if it poops. See...this dog is already causing problems. However, I have to hand it to no-name...he's kept the Hendrick boys outside all afternoon even though it is 450 degrees out there. Whoa...my goodness...for a brief second, I think I felt the slightest hint of "like" for what's his name. Nope. Nope. Nevermind. It passed.