I just finished eating graham crackers and peanut butter...with milk.
I eat this every single day.
Now...I've told this to several people and they say something quite alarming...their response goes a little something like this:
"I've tried that before...it was ok."
At that moment, great pain is taken as I desperately try to prevent my face from disclosing what my brain is thinking. Sometimes I'm successful. Sometimes I am not. When this unpleasant situation faces me, I now try to have compassion upon these bizarre people...for it's obvious they know not what they do.
After giving this matter lots of thought, I've decided one of two things is going on here.
Either these people are wrong...OR...in their defense (yes, I am now arguing with myself about these odd people) maybe they are not partaking in this magnificent snack in the proper manner.
So...as an EXPERT on this tasty snack, I will now describe to you how a graham cracker, peanut butter and milk snack should go down...in detail.
First, you must have nice and fresh cinnamon graham crackers. No limp ones.
Second, you must have creamy peanut butter...a full jar.
Third, you must have milk...real-life milk from a cow. Preferably whole milk. Yep. I said it. Right now, I know just reading the words, "whole milk from a real-life cow" caused audible gasping among my healthy eating readers. I'm sorry...but that's just the way this snack must go down people. I'm not here today to debate soy versus milk or whole verses watery milk. I'm just here to tell you what's good...real good...really, really good.
Now...you get yourself a big, cold cup of that before-mentioned, real-life, real-thick, cow milk...but don't drink it. Not yet. Nope.
Take all your ingredients to a kitchen counter near you.
Warning: No substitutions allowed in this recipe. All instructions must be followed to the T, whatever that means. What does that mean? Really, does anyone know?
Ok...I've tried this snack many different places, but my favorite way to eat this tasty nibble of all things wonderful is to stand at the kitchen counter...open up the peanut butter jar...then, open up the fresh, flavor-sealed packet of cinnamon graham crackers...break them into pieces (when you get really good at this, you can do this one-handed...take your time...it will come.) Don't worry if you don't break them right on the lines. Who cares. The point is to have pieces that will fit nicely into the jar. THEN...you DIP the graham cracker right into the peanut butter jar. That's why the jar has to be full...and that's why the crackers have to broken. No wimpy dipping. I mean dip, people...your cracker should feel heavy with the bounty of peanut butter.
NOW...this part is CRITICAL.
Remember the milk? DO NOT DRINK IT! Not yet. The pinnacle of this snacking experience happens once you've eaten so many peanut butter dunked graham cracker bits that you are about to explode. At this point, you should not be able to talk because your mouth is so clogged with peanut butter. Once you're full...and you're positive you may begin choking (whichever happens first) THEN you start drinking your milk. Believe me...you will need a full cup. It will take longer than one might expect to get all that peanut butter and graham crackers completely down your throat.
Wasn't that divine?
Being an expert on this said snack, I will also be so bold to declare that if you follow these carefully documented instructions and still have the gall to say, "I've tried that before...it was ok." You may need to spend some time doing some pretty hard and thorough soul searching.
Once addicted, see the post below about Pilates. You may need to start coming to class with me.